The Last Candle
by LadyMolten
Summary: Ana and Christian had been married for six wonderful years. On Ana's birthday, Christian's past ruins their night and Ana is left wishing things would had been different for Christian. She makes her wish: that Ella had loved Christian as much as she does her children, not knowing what would happen later, she wakes up in the past finding indeed things are different now. HEA
1. The Last Candle

_All characters belong to E.L. James._ _Proof-read by Obsessedreader83._

* * *

 **CHAPTER 1:** _ **THE LAST CANDLE**_

Monday is coming to an end and I'm at my desk reading the marketing strategy for Carter Buran's new book after the strenuous meeting we had with him today. For a man who writes heartbreaking stories he is such a diva but thankfully he was amazed by Hannah and agreed to publish with us.

Hannah, that girl is a marvel. Promoting her to Commissioning Editor three years ago was the best decision I've ever had. Even though I owed her so much of GP's success, I can't deny that I miss her as my assistant.

"Luke Sawyer is here, Mrs. Grey" Alex, my new assistant, speaks through the phone and I can't help but scowl at her. _Yes! I definitely miss Hannah 100%._

"Thanks Alex" I mumble and I'm sure she can feel my mood.

She is not entirely responsible for what happened this weekend or today but seeing her doesn't help my mood.

"I'm sorry again for what happened Mrs. Grey" I know she is sorry.

Three months ago, my assistant Jen went on maternity leave and even though Alex is great on paper, she doesn't know me. Ha! She certainly got to know my husband this past week for sure.

I get up from my chair and pack the reports on the e-book's sales in my bag to read them at home. I snort a laugh. There won't be time for that tonight.

I hate this feeling, I love going home and love going to my children but tonight I'm dreading talking to Christian. God! Today of all days. I hate when we fight but I can't let this go without him understanding how wrong he was yesterday, and I know he has an inkling since he has only called me once this whole day, and that was just to tell me he is picking Teddy up from school. Nothing else.

Luke comes through the door.

"Good evening, Mrs. Grey", he says.

"Ana" I correct him. "I thought we were past the Mrs?" I smile at him as I grab my purse and he grabs my bag from me.

"I'm sticking to Mrs. Grey tonight" The corner of his mouth lifts a little. "I'm not taking risks"

I don't know what he means for a moment but then I realize he must have been exposed to Christian's anger lately as well. Poor Luke. We had bonded over the years and now I've got sympathy for the man.

"Well, let's go Mr. Sawyer" I walk past him.

"Uhmm Ana" I stop and turn when he calls me by my first name. From the inside pocket of his jacket, he pulls a small wrapped box and hands it to me. "Happy birthday" He gives me a shy smile. "It's from Tracy and me"

 _Oh, Tracy!_ I'm so happy they are back together and could work things out. Luke's job is so demanding that I could understand where his fiancé was coming from.

"Thanks Luke" I smile at him and save the present to open later.

We walk past Alex's desk and I give her a tight smile. She smiles back and seems apologetic so I decide I can't take my frustrations out on her anymore. She's had enough punishment via Christian's raging phone call and his attempt to fire her.

"Alex" I call her and she looks at me. "Thank you for your hard work for Buran's meeting" I remind her. After all, she did put a lot of thought into that meeting.

"Thank you Mrs. Grey" She gasps and if I'm not mistaken, she almost sobs.

 _Fire her Ana! Fire her or I will!_ Christian's words from two weeks before come back to me. As always my beloved Fifty was overreacting.

Luke and I step into the elevator and soon the feeling of dread I had before is quickly replaced by excitement. I want to see my babies; I want to listen to Phoebe's stories from her wild imagination while I smooch her with kisses. I want to hug my sweet gentle little Teddy as he tells me all about what he learned today. And also, I want to talk to Christian. Whatever it is, we will always find a way.

"Luke, do you know where Mr. Grey is right now?" I ask Luke as we step into the parking garage.

"Taylor informed me they were already leaving Grey House to pick up master Teddy, ma'am" Luke says as he opens the door for me.

"Good, thanks" I get into the car and get comfortable.

These six years with Christian have been more than wonderful despite our rocky start, they have been amazing and our children have only added more happiness to our lives. Christian has changed a lot from the guy I met all those years ago in his office, too. Since that day at Escala when he told me everything, he has never stop sharing with me, never letting his past rear it's ugly head again. I guess that's why yesterday was such a shock for me.

I sigh thinking about his past.

We need to talk but for that I need to get the facts straight. Even after all these years, I still get all mushy when my husband touches me so I need to think first about what I'm going to say to him. I lean against the head rest of my seat and close my eyes for a moment going over the events that happened yesterday.

* * *

Christian and I are at our favorite table at the Mile High Club, only this time he didn't ask me to take off my panties. I blush at the memory.

"I would love to know what are you thinking right now, Mrs. Grey" Christian smiles at me.

"Oh, Mr. Grey. Just thinking about good memories" I sip my wine and smile at him over the rim.

Christian smiles cockily.

"Oh that explains the blush" He grins and I know he remembers our antics here. "Should I book the elevator to relive more memories?"

I can help but laugh. _I love this man._

"This is nice" I reach for his hand over the table.

His face falls. _Shit!_

"Nice" He mutters with a scowl. "I wasn't aiming for nice when I was planning your birthday, Ana"

 _Here we go again._

"I had it all planned for a wonderful week just for you baby" He tells me all frustrated and throws his napkin with a huff. "It would have been amazing"

"I know Christian" I try to soothe him the best I can. I know spoiling me is important to him.

"If it wasn't for that dumb girl…" He grits his teeth.

"Christian let it go. Don't let it ruin our night", I plead with him.

I felt disappointed too when I found out we weren't doing what he had arranged for my birthday or as he had it planned, my birthday week. Christian had arranged for a romantic getaway when he contacted my assistant - Alex- to clear out my schedule. He wanted to surprise me but he ended up being surprised even more when he found out Alex had booked a meeting with one of the most famous authors GP was trying to publish with - Carter Buran- the same day as my birthday.

 _To say Christian was livid was putting it mildly._

Poor Alex, she got Fifty in full technicolor when she couldn't re-schedule the meeting with Buran. It wasn't her fault she didn't know my birthday, was it?

Christian even tried to talk to Buran himself. That's when I became aware of the whole situation – while I was snooping through Christian's appointments in our joint calendar, I found one with _'Pompous Prick'_ as the title scheduled in New York that week. I quickly realized what it was because that's how I referred to Buran once, in front of Christian.

There was nothing else to do to rectify the situation but Christian was adamant he talk to Buran. I knew right away that was a bad idea. He would just turn all caveman and scare off an author GP needed badly. I prohibited him to do so, he got angry and that led to an argument that led to a fight that led to a reconciliation and sweaty hot sex. We were fine at the end although Christian hasn't let it go yet.

"It's just this…" He waves his hand around, "…wasn't supposed to be our night. Our night was supposed to be amazing" He repeated the word.

"I love this" I wave my hand between us mimicking him. "My birthday fell on a Monday, so what? I loved this weekend with the whole family at the house and even Ray agreeing to stay for a couple of days. Teddy and Phoebe are thrilled"

"You looked happy this weekend" Christian gave me his shy smile.

"I'm damn happy!" I giggle and finally get his panty-combusting megawatt smile. "Besides today is the eve of my birthday and I've still got to open my main present" I bite my lip thinking about later.

Christian is thinking about it too, judging by the carnal look he is giving me.

"Yes, Mrs. Grey" He licks his lips. "I think kinky fuckery is in order" He grins.

"Christian!" I admonish him looking around us to see if someone heard him and that only makes him chuckle.

 _Yes! We are going to Escala later and kinky fuckery is definitely on the table._

"I love you Mrs. Grey" He stands up to kiss me and I grin goofily at him.

"I love you Mr. Grey" _I love you so much Christian._

Life with my Fifty will never be boring.

I watch Christian move gracefully back to his chair and from the corner of my eye I catch a figure I didn't want to see ever again.

Surely my face must have turned white because Christian stares at me worried.

"Ana" He reaches for my hand.

From behind me Jason steps out and Reynolds walks past him going to hold the intruder who was walking in our direction. Christian looks questioningly at Jason but then follows his eyes and turns to look at what everyone is staring at.

"What the fuck?!" He snarls and looks directly at Jason. "How did she get in here Taylor?"

"She is a member here too, sir" Jason explains.

 _Of course, Elena Paedo Lincoln is a member here!_

I look at Elena and I hate to admit that the years hadn't ruined her, that bitch must have surgically enhanced every inch of her body.

"Get rid of her!" Christian commands and looks at me. "She is not to ruin our night, talk to the manager if it's necessary"

"Yes, sir" Jason directs Christian's order through his sleeve not leaving the table yet, for security measures I assume, then he listens to his earpiece. "Sawyer you copy that? Go talk to the manager"

"What is going on?" Words had come back to me and I ask Jason.

From the distance, I can only see the bitch troll shaking her head calmly at Reynolds mouthing the word 'please'.

"Mrs. Lincoln claims she doesn't mean any harm and refuses to leave, ma'am" Jason explains to me.

"But then, why doesn't she just go back to her table?" I don't get it. The nerve of this woman, trying to spoil our evening.

"She is adamant to talk with you" Jason looks at Christian.

"To Christian" I clarify rolling my eyes and catch Christian snapping his fingers.

 _Yes! I rolled my eyes, what are you going to do?_

"Actually both of you" Jason says and it surprises me. What does she want?

"I will tell her to fuck off" Christian moves his chair to stand up.

"You will not do such a thing!" I reprimand him. Both men stare at me quiet and expecting. Whoa! If only it were that simple with Phoebe and Teddy. "Let's just wait for the manager to get rid of her"

As I finish saying this, a man in a suit followed by Luke walks to Reynolds and Elena. He begins to explain something to her, maybe the fact Christian is the owner and he can do whatever he wants, and holds his arm in the direction of the exit. Elena lowers her head in surrender.

 _Yeah bitch! Get the fuck out of here!_

She speaks a bit more to the manager but as my lip reading skills are not so good, I can only catch 'sorry' a few times.

"She is leaving" Jason tells us and Christian sighs relieved.

I smile at my Fifty and he smiles back at me, in the end, she couldn't ruin our celebration.

I watch as Mrs. Robinson drags her sorry ass out of here, maybe I feel a bit cocky but can't help smiling at the scene. But then, she turns around and looks directly at me. I freeze as I get caught staring at her but she blows my mind by smiling sweetly at me and mouthing 'thank you' from the distance.

A genuine 'thank you'. No malice. No envy. No evil.

 _WHAT THE HELL?!_

"Enjoy your dinner, ma'am…" Jason smiles at me. "…sir" And nods to Christian leaving us alone again.

But I'm numb. What the hell was that? Her smile was genuine but it made all my paedo senses go to the roof.

"Let's forget this happened baby" Christian smiles lovingly at me and I just nod at him. "Eat up! You're too thin again" He grins.

I purse my lips. Again, with the food thing.

"I suddenly lost my appetite", I tell him.

"Baby, forget about her. She lost, we won" He intertwines our fingers.

"I know. I need to go to the restroom though" I took my hand from his but pull his hand to kiss it so he would not think I'm rejecting him.

"You want me to go with you?" He smiles salaciously and I melt again.

"No" I laugh. "I will be quick, I promise" I stand up and kiss him chastely on the lips.

He holds me a moment and looks at me worried but quickly winks and lightly smacks my butt.

"Behave" I point my finger at his nose and he grins even wider.

I walk to the lady's room but the feeling of unease from Elena's 'thank you' is still with me. I stop at the door of the restroom somehow feeling that I need to know so I turn and walk in long strides to the exit, hoping that she is already gone so I can leave this futile feeling behind me.

I have no luck. She is still waiting at the elevator.

Elena turns to look at me and I can tell she is genuinely surprised that I had followed her.

"Anastasia…" She greets me and her voice sends panic to my spine.

I haven't seen this woman in six years, six wonderful years I must say, and she still creeps me out. Looking at the tight black dress she is wearing, I hate to admit that she still has a great figure and I can't help but compare it to my emerald cocktail dress. Christian hates when I do this, but I can't help feeling a bit insecure sometimes. I shake my head. Well, I carried two babies and surely the only thing she must have had inside her uterus was dust.

"What was that?" I cut the formality bullshit and my anger increases.

"What?" She looks puzzled.

"The 'thank you' thing you did" I don't want to play games.

"Anastasia…" She sighs.

"Mrs. Grey" I correct her showing her my wedding ring.

She purses her lips holding her anger, I think. I might want to hold back a little.

"I didn't mean to be a bother" She gets a lock of blond hair out of her face. "I was dining with a friend. One of the few I have left…" She pauses and looks directly at me when she says this.

Is she expecting to make me feel guilty? _You brought this on yourself, bitch!_

"I saw you both" She continues. "I just wanted to approach to thank you both for what you did for me. I know how you feel towards me so I realize now you are a much better person than I am for letting Christian help me"

 _What the fuck?!_

"What?" I murmur, feeling the floor opening at my feet.

"My business was bordering bankruptcy and if it wasn't for the loan I would have lost everything" She smiles at me. "Thank you again"

I hear it and I can't believe it. The blood draining from my face is now making me feel dizzy.

The ping of the elevator distracts her from continuing talking. When she looks back at me, she must recognize she had fucked up yet again because she now seems apologetic.

I feel him even though I can't see him and I know Christian is behind me, probably worried about what was keeping me. The face on Elena confirms it and with a final nod she steps into the elevator and leaves. Hopefully, forever this time.

"Ana" Christian calls me but when I don't turn around, he walks right in front of me and puts his hands on my shoulders. He had heard everything.

His touch is supposed to soothe me but right now it just fuels my anger.

"How could you?" I snap angrily at him, pushing his hands off me.

"It's not what you think" He closes his eyes.

"Please tell me what I am thinking" I'm seething with rage.

"Ana" He tries to hold me again but I walk backwards.

"Don't Ana me!" I shout at him and see he is getting angry too. "After all that woman did to you, how could you help her? I thought…" I hold back my tears. "I thought you finally understood what she did to you was so wrong"

"I do" He runs his hand through his hair in exasperation. "I do understand. Let me explain to you"

"You do?" I laugh. "So you decided that the best way to prove that was to loan her money for her business?"

"You don't know what you are talking about if you don't let me explain to you", He says to me holding his anger.

I soon realize we are still outside the restaurant when a couple steps out of the elevator and walks awkwardly to the entrance. I follow them with my eyes and find Jason standing there.

"I want to go home", I murmur feeling tired all of a sudden. "Tell Luke to drive me home, please" I ask Jason.

"Yes, ma'am" Jason speaks to his sleeve directing Luke to get the car ready.

"No!" Christian walks to me. "You are letting her win; you are letting her ruin our night. I swear to God that I can explain…" He is pleading with his eyes.

"Can you explain why you didn't tell me anything? Why did you choose to keep me in the dark?" I ask him and he shuts his mouth. _Christian without words, what a novelty._

"I thought so" I sigh and walk to the elevator, Jason and Christian follow me. "You ruined our night when you decided to keep secrets from me"

"I didn't mean to keep it from you" He mutters behind me.

"Well, you did. I really thought we were over that" I remember that first year when he kept me in the dark for my 'protection'.

The elevator opens in front of me and I step in followed by Jason but I stop Christian from getting in.

"I want to go home alone" I eye Jason. "Well, as alone as I can be" I know that not letting security go with me would be pushing it too far.

"Ana!" Christian looks hurt. "Don't do this please"

"I want to be alone just for a moment Christian" I know I'm being overdramatic but I want a little calm before the shit-storm that it's going to be listening to Christian's excuses.

"Fine" He pulls at his hair. "But you are waiting for me at the parking lot" And with that the elevator closes and starts going down.

"You knew about this?" I ask Jason who is standing next to me.

He looks uncomfortable for a moment but then he seems apologetic and I know the answer.

 _Of course, he knew._

"I think you should listen to Christian's explanation, Ana" He defends my husband.

"And after I tell Gail, I think you should sleep with one eye open, Jason" I warn him.

He sighs and I think he says 'shit' under his breath. It makes me chuckle in this ridiculous situation but indeed, I would tell his wife. Not to rat on him but because Gail and I built a close relationship over the years to the point that I tell her everything. She looks after my kids after all so she is my family.

We reach the parking lot and Luke is waiting there next to the car.

"Would I be a bitch if I tell you not to wait for Christian and drive me home?" I ask them both.

"Huh?" Luke seems doubtful.

 _Keep playing dumb Luke. I'm sure you knew too._

"Mr. Grey gave orders to wait for him, ma'am" I glare at Jason and hop into the car.

Luke still seems puzzled and I hear him asking Jason if we are still going to Escala. _Okay, maybe he doesn't know._

Five minutes go by and finally Christian appears at the elevators followed by Reynolds. He gets into the car next to me followed by Jason who goes to the driver seat. Luke and Reynolds go to the other car. After all these years, I still can't get used to all the security measures when we go to some place. Except with Teddy and Phoebe, with them I can be as obsessed with security as Christian is.

Jason starts the car and drives us out of Columbia Tower followed closely by Luke. I feel Christian's eyes burning a hole in the side of my head and I dare to look to my beautiful husband. He is looking at me with apprehension and I have a flashback to a moment when he had this fear of me leaving him. It pulls at my heart and I want nothing more than to soothe him. But that wouldn't be fair, the least I can do is let him explain.

"Tell me" I encourage him.

"I haven't spoken to Elena in six years, Ana" He starts right away as if he was waiting for me to let him. "She tried to contact me in the past few weeks though" He says remorseful.

 _Oh God!_ I close my eyes. Why am I hearing this just now?

"But security didn't let her" He tries to grab my hand but I snatch it from him.

"Go on" I mutter looking at the streets through the window.

"As she couldn't contact me, she went to another department in GEH that works with small businesses in Seattle"

"Esclava is not a small business" I scoff, remembering the chain of salons.

"She had lost the chain", I gasp. "She has only one now and she changed the name"

 _Wow! She must be doing terribly._

"A guy named Trevor Lang who worked there approved the loan" Christian says angrily.

"Worked?" It peaked my curiosity.

"He got his ass fired" Christian presses his lips. "He authorized a loan to Elena's salon without doing a background check on her. If he had done it, he would have found the numerous alerts the company had on her name"

"So he got fired but she still got the money" I try to understand but I can't.

"It was already done" Christian looks embarrassed.

I snort a laugh.

"You are telling me the almighty Christian Grey couldn't do anything to stop her from having the money" I know I'm being a bitch right now but I can't shake the feeling he is hiding something.

"Sometimes my hands are tied" He replies. "Look at today for example"

He chooses now to bring up the thing about my birthday again, ughhhh the nerve of this man.

We reach an intersection and when Jason stops at a red light, he turns to ask -

"Ma'am, sir" He looks at us both, "Where to?"

"Home" I thought I'd made it clear when we were leaving the Mile High club.

"Not Escala?" Christian murmurs and I laugh.

"You must be kidding me" I tell him, shaking my head but when I catch him still looking hopeful, I snap. "No, Christian! I want to go home to my children!"

Jason resumes driving to the house. I want my children more than anything right now.

After a while of silence, Christian shifts in his seat to look at me.

"You know, she intended to ruin this evening for us and you are letting her" Christian rubs his face and if I'm not mistaken, he looks pissed. "I'm telling you I've got nothing to do with it, it was an oversight from one of the departments that has been corrected. She has nothing to do with us, please Ana"

"It's hard to believe", I mutter sulkily.

"Did I ever lie to you?" He looks offended.

No. He never lied to me. Never.

"No" He seems relieved. "But you have kept things from me before and that's what hurts the most"

"I'm telling you now. I didn't tell you before because…" He starts again with excuses and I cut him off.

"Why did you let her keep the money?" I ask leaving him speechless. He doesn't answer.

We reach the house and Jason taps in the code for the gate, he pulls into the entryway and stops right in front of the doors.

And Christian still doesn't answer me.

Just keeps staring at me, gray orbs to blue and in this pained situation, he still looks so beautiful.

 _Tell me Goddammit!_

Deep down, I know the reason but I'm not able to materialize it in words.

"We are here ma'am", Jason tells me.

I wait for Christian but nothing. Then as if in slow motion I can see how his face morphs from anxious to his stoic self and I know this discussion is over… for now.

That night Christian locked himself in his office after we put the kids to bed. For my part, instead of sleeping in our bed, I went to Teddy's room and cuddled with my son knowing full well that my husband wouldn't interrupt his son's sleep to talk with me. I didn't want to face him yet and I knew he would try his sex voodoo on me. He always did, it was his way of knowing that we would be okay.

But we didn't solve anything that night.

Or the next morning.

We had all the family at the house to celebrate my birthday over breakfast. The Grey's, my mom and Ray all came to wish me a happy birthday. If only they knew. Christian put on a fake smile for the sake of the family but I couldn't keep up hosting. I used the excuse of getting ready for my meeting with Buran to be absent from time to time. Gail who knew what had happened the night before, took charge of arranging everything. Even Kate with her huge belly didn't burst into my office to ask what was wrong and gave me my space, which I was thankful for. After that, everyone continued on with their days as if nothing had happened. I knew better.

* * *

"Ma'am" I slowly come out of my sleep.

"Mrs. Grey" Luke's voice makes me open my eyes slightly.

"Ana!" I finally open my eyes to find his amused face looking at me. "We are here"

I inspect my surroundings and I find myself at the doors of my home. I smile gratefully at Luke and try to tame my wild hair in a ponytail before stepping out of the car. I check my face in the small mirror of the car and when I confirm I don't have any drool stains on it, I get out of the car.

I notice Jason's car is already here which means Christian is here. I sigh and arrange my skirt. But in deep thought, that means my Teddy bear is here too. I smile to myself and practically run into my house. I thought him starting school would be easy for me, but it isn't.

"Happy birthday!" I hear everyone scream when I open the door.

Christian, Jason, Gail, Sophie, my dad, and my beautiful children are at the entrance. Ray is holding a small cake. Teddy runs to me and I duck to the floor so he can hug me tight, giving me kisses all over my face making me giggle. _I love this sweet boy too much._ Phoebe struggles out of Christian's arms and when he puts her on the floor, she follows her brother.

"Happy birthday mommy!" My beautiful little girl hugs me too and gives me a wet kiss on the lips.

"Thank you darlings" I smile at my kids; they look a lot like their daddy and that only makes me love them even more.

I stand up and they pull me to the rest of the family. Everyone wishes me happy birthday and I put on a ridiculous face for them. _We already celebrated this morning guys!_

"Happy birthday Annie" My dad comes to me with the cake. "The kids wanted to celebrate again with a cake. You can guess why, don't you? One clue" He shows me the cake and laughs.

 _So, that's what this is!_ I look to my babies and they have a mischievous grin and I begin to tickle them. Little stinkers!

"Let's cut the cake!" Gail speaks to everyone and takes it from dad.

"Mommy has to blow out the candles first" Phoebe says in her cute little voice.

"Mommy must be tired princess" Christian speaks and my heart stops when he walks to us. He looks so handsome tonight.

 _Dammit! I really really REALLY wanted to open my birthday present yesterday._

"No!" Phoebe pouts. "She has to ask for her wish" She explains her reasoning with a defiant look to her daddy.

 _We might be spoiling her a little._

"Why didn't you give mommy a birthday kiss, dad?" Teddy asks in a softer tone and looks expectantly at Christian.

Is that why he is also behind this? It is true. Christian didn't kiss me this morning. My sweet boy is so perceptive and sensitive.

I look at Christian and notice him hesitate. Yeah, I know. I wouldn't want to answer that either. He looks directly at me asking for permission, I give him a small nod with a small smile and for the first time since yesterday, I watch him relax. He walks to me, places his hand on my back pulling me to him and kisses me.

It feels so good to be close to him.

When my senses come back to me, I hear Teddy and Phoebe giggling at our side.

"We need to talk", I whisper when he releases me.

"Now?" He says eyes wide and scared again. I nod.

"Let's put the candles on the cake, kids" God bless Gail, she takes the kids to the kitchen. I mouth 'thank you' to her and she smiles back. Jason, Sophie and my dad follow them.

"I didn't mean to keep you in the dark, Ana" He starts as soon as we are out of earshot. "It happened when I was dealing with the whole birthday debacle, it slipped my mind and then your birthday came so I thought I would tell you later" He looks so lost.

I nod tears pricking my eyes and he lets out a breath relieved.

I got to the conclusion that it didn't matter. Elena 'bitch-troll' Lincoln doesn't deserve so much as a thought because she doesn't have one bit of importance in our lives. I understand it now as if Christian stained a shirt and forgot to tell me, he cleaned it up and now everything is without stains. That's as much importance the topic of Elena has for me.

That's not the real problem here. It isn't anymore.

I'm aiming for the real thing here.

"Why did you let her keep the money, Christian?" I pull the big gun.

He knew I would ask him that because he closes his eyes and turns around. He looks in the direction of the living room and I know he wants to follow the kids in order to avoid this.

 _Well too bad mister!_

"Christian answer me!" I demand.

"It was already done" He shrugs and I don't believe his half-truth.

I have to ask even thought I don't want to. I have to know if this deep fear in me is right.

"Was it because you think you still owe her?" I ask fearing his answer.

He closes his eyes and lowers his head; and I now have my answer.

I want to cry.

I want to scream at the air.

I want to get inside of the love of my life and fix him.

 _After all these years. After all the therapy with Flynn._

I thought he now understood the damage that woman did to him but I was wrong.

"Why?" I ask him and wipe a tear from my cheek.

"I don't know" He doesn't look at me. "I couldn't cancel the loan even though I knew that's what she deserved. I had already given her the chain of salons and she failed miserably so why keep handing everything to her?" He scowls.

"But I couldn't" He tells me.

"She didn't help you Christian" I try reasoning with him, make him see the truth… again.

"I know she fucked me up even more" He states and I don't understand. I know there is a 'but'.

"But she turned me into a functional being" He finally looks at me. "I see you with Ted and I know the amazing man he will be because of all the love you give him. You are a wonderful mother…"

I know what he is trying to tell me. I see it on his face every day when he stares at me and Teddy. In those moments, I know he is thinking about his biological mother and those awful first years of his childhood.

"… I didn't have that and I already owed Grace too much to demand more from her. As much damage as Elena did to me, it turned me into the man I am now. I can't deny my past"

I shake my head refusing to let his reasoning sink in.

"I hate your past" I mutter fisting my hands.

"You do?" Christian is surprised.

"Yes!" I grit my teeth.

"I hate it too but I wouldn't change it" He tells me.

"Why not?!" I shout.

Even I think about it; every time I witness his nightmares I think to myself what I wouldn't give just for him to have had a better childhood.

"Would you?" He asks me and I nod effusively. "I would not change it a bit because it led me to you. If I must go through it again just to have you at the end, I would endure it a million times"

 _No!_

"I'm not worthy Christian" I sob.

"Baby, you are. You and the children are" He smiles at me and I can't hold back anymore. I run to him and he embraces me in his arms.

If I could take away the pain he had to endure when he was a child, I would. Then that fucking bitch would have never gotten her claws on him.

He lifts my chin and wipes my tears. I lean on my toes to kiss him and he finally smiles leaning to kiss me back.

"Mr. Grey, Ana" Gail calls us from the living room. We turn to see her and I finish cleaning my face with the back of my hand, Christian doesn't let me go. "The kids want to sing you happy birthday on the deck Ana, if that's okay" She looks at Christian and he nods. I smile at her too.

We follow her and Christian smacks me on the ass. I gasp and turn to look at him with dismay.

"You still need to open your gift tonight, Ana" He has a salacious grin.

I glare at him and his grin disappears.

"And you still need to sort your shit out, Grey!" I snap. "You are going back to Flynn ASAP!"

His face turns into regret again and he nods but I can't wait anymore, I smile,

"But yes Mr. Grey. I can't wait to see what you have in mind for tonight" I bite my lip and he gasps. Yep! It still works. He gives me a wolfish grin and I pull him by the arm to meet our children and family on the deck.

Yes, I know! I gave in! But pushing my husband away from me is not the solution when he needs to deal with his own issues. I need to help him.

They all begin to sing happy birthday to me for the second time today when I get to the deck. I look at my babies and see them eyeing the cake on the table instead of me. I chuckle to myself. Christian wraps his arms around me from behind as he sings softly in my ear but then walks to stop Phoebe from sticking her finger on the glaze. He lifts her in his arms and I look at my family. _Perfect!_

"Make a wish mommy, quickly!" Phoebe shouts when they finish singing.

"Yes, mommy! Make a wish!" My Teddy bear shouts too.

Just to mess with them I take my time.

I see the cake and count the candles, there are twenty-eight. I frown. I'm getting old.

 _I wish I was twenty-one again._ I chuckle.

I look around at everyone and I'm grateful for all the happiness they have brought into my life.

 _I wish happiness to everyone._

Then I look at my Fifty. The love he shows me in his eyes makes me feel so cherished and his words from a few minutes ago come back to me. _I didn't have that._ Sometimes I feel a bit resentful towards Ella for not protecting Christian when he was a baby but I know if she had been strong enough for them both, their lives would have been different. I know what my wish is now.

I close my eyes and blow out the candles. Everyone cheers and claps but when I open my eyes, I find there is one candle still lit. I guess my wish would not come true, I pout.

"You missed, mommy!" Phoebe chastises me and everyone laughs.

Before I can lean in to blow out the last candle, the sky opens and soaks us all. We quickly run into the house forgetting everything outside. Everyone is laughing while Gail goes to bring towels.

"The cake!" Phoebe whines pointing with her little finger outside.

I look and I think I'm imagining things but the last candle on the cake stays lit despite being in the middle of the rain.

I grab towels from Gail for Teddy and Phoebe and my dad goes to bring in the cake.

"Look at this" He is amazed too as he brings the cake in with the candle still lit.

"That sucker is still on?" Christian watches fascinated as my dad carries the cake to the kitchen. Christian is drying Teddy with a towel, a bit forcefully I must say but Teddy is loving it.

"No cake now?" Phoebe's lip trembles as she asks me while I'm drying her hair.

"No baby" I soothe her. "But we will have cake tomorrow for breakfast, what do you think?"

That seems to placate her because she nods and smiles at me. _God! She is so damn cute!_

Christian offers to get the kids to bed and gives me a kiss while grabbing Phoebe from me. Everyone wishes us good night and goes to their bedrooms, except Gail who goes to the kitchen.

"I'll help Gail in the kitchen real quick and be with you in a minute" A kiss him again.

"Remember your present, Mrs. Grey" Christian grins. "Don't be late" He winks at me and I'm mush again.

"A present?!" Teddy squeals.

"I want to open the present!" Phoebe shouts excited and Christian's awkward expression makes me laugh hard.

"I will let you deal with this", I giggle as I go to the kitchen and listen to Christian behind me trying to calm the hype on the kids.

 _Good luck, Grey!_

I go to the kitchen hoping Gail had finished with everything. I had another reason to come here.

"Oh Ana, I will take care of everything. Go with the kids!" Gail tells me when she finds me at the door.

"Just for today I would take your word but actually I came here to see the cake" I bite my lip hoping she wouldn't mind. I'm tired.

"It's there" She grins and points to the other side of the kitchen over the counter.

 _There is the sucker._

I stare at the last candle on the now wet cake. It is still lit.

"I blew it but it is still on" Gail speaks from behind me. "I would have thought it was one of those trick candles that never go off but then I remember Phoebe picked it up from the regular shelf at the supermarket" She tells me.

"I'm going to make my wish now" I tell her with a silly grin and she shakes her head chuckling and goes back to doing the dishes.

I close my eyes and concentrate on my last wish for my last candle.

 _I wish Ella had loved Christian as much as I love my Teddy bear._

And I blow.

* * *

The light coming from the window takes me out of my slumber and I groan. My head hurts and I feel a bit dizzy. I don't remember coming to bed at all. I don't want to open my eyes because if I find it's already morning then it means, I missed my birthday present. Arghhh … I wanted my present!

 _Did I faint in the kitchen?_

I don't remember anything since then, maybe Christian carried me to bed. Still with eyes closed I reach with my hand for my husband but I don't find him there, I pout. I stretch my arms over my head and my hands hit an iron bedhead, I run my hands through it as I used to do when I lived in Portland.

 _Wait a minute!_

I snap my eyes open. We have a pillow headboard in our bedroom. _Where am I?_ I sit up in the bed and examine my surroundings. This isn't my room, this is… this is…

 _My old room at Portland!_

What the hell am I doing here? How did I get here from Seattle?

I find my old bedside lamp, my old desk, the walls painted in white and creams, my mom's quilt at my feet and me laying in my old bed. Everything is as it used to be before I moved to Seattle. Before I met Christian.

Panic rises in me.

 _My children!_

I need to know Teddy and Phoebe are okay as panic begins to build. I look for my phone but I only find my old one sitting on my nightstand. This must be a prank!

I search for Christian's contact first but I don't find him. I don't know his number by memory so I just dial the house's phone number. I grip my chest when I hear the operator tell me the number doesn't exist.

 _No, no, no, no, NO!_

"NO!" I cry.

"Ana?" Kate's voice comes from the living room.

"Kate!" I shout.

"What is keeping you so long?" She asks me and I bolt from my bed.

I find her on the couch of the living room wrapped in a blanket sipping tea from a mug. There are a lot of tissues around her. She looks at me with a frown and a red nose.

I get a feeling of déjà vu as I recognize this scenario from the past.

"You're still not ready?" She speaks and cringes when her throat hurts.

"Kate!" I shout again and run to her to hug her.

"Ana, no! I'm going to give you my cold" She tries to push me.

"What the hell are we doing here?!" I ask her gripping at her shoulders.

"What do you mean? We live here" She pushes me and gets out of the blanket to grab a tissue to blow up her nose.

That's when I notice. No belly. No eight-month-old huge belly.

"Kate, what happened to the baby?" I cover my mouth as I'm about to cry.

"What baby?" Kate looks at me as if I had grown another head.

I look around the place, everything is in place as it was six years ago. I spot Kate's laptop on the coffee table and grab it turning on the screen. I sit on the floor.

"What's going on Ana? You are giving me the creeps" She says and I shush her.

I look at the screen for the date.

 **Monday, May 9, 2011.**

I pull my hair and whimper in pain.

 _This is not happening. This is not happening. This is not happening._ I chant with my eyes closed as I rock my body back and forth.

"Ana, are you okay?" She asks me concerned.

I shake my head crying.

 _My babies! Where are my babies?! Christian! Where is Christian?!_

"Jesus Ana! You are sweating, cold and shivering. I think I did give you my cold" Kate runs a tissue around my face. "I guess you won't be able to do the interview either. I will call Christian Grey's office to reschedule although I know he will cancel altogether" She sighs in resignation.

"Christian Grey?" I whip my head at the name of my husband.

"Yeah, the guy you were interviewing today in Seattle for me" She grabs a piece of paper from her bag. "I already printed the list of questions I had for him" She hands me the paper.

Of course, the interview! This clearly is a dream and I'm reliving all these events.

I pinch my arm. _Ouch!_ That hurts.

"Kate pinch me" I ask her.

"Okay" She does it without question and again it hurts. "Why?" She asks after she did it.

 _This is not a dream but more likely a nightmare._

Christian! I need Christian, he would know what to do. I have to see him and together we will figure out what the hell is this. I'm sure he is as confused as I am right now, not having me at his side.

"I need to see Christian Grey" I tell Kate absentminded.

"You are still going to do it?" Kate grins and I nod still not paying attention to her. "Thank you Ana. Hopefully your cold is not as bad as mine" She stands up and pulls me to my feet. "Hurry up and get ready or you are going to be late. Take my car" She hands me her keys.

I go to my bedroom reeling from this whole situation. Somehow I had traveled back in time to the past? That's bat-shit crazy! Fucking impossible! I refuse to believe it. I'm sure Christian is trying to find me as well. I need to find my husband and together we will find a way to get back to our children.

* * *

I'm sitting now on a white leather chair in the lobby of Christian's office waiting to be called to see my husband. I had run on autopilot this whole morning remembering every step from Portland to here, everything had occurred as it did last time. I look at Andrea sitting at her large desk and she smiles sweetly at me, next to her is Olivia. _Poor thing, she is getting transferred soon._ For a moment, I wanted to tell Andrea who I was and that I needed to see my husband as soon as possible but if my suspicions are right, she wouldn't have let me even approach the lobby thinking I'm crazy.

 _Patience is my strongest virtue_ , I remind myself.

I look at his office doors and remember Christian is past those walls. He just needs to see me to realize the mess we are in.

Claude comes from Christian's office and I want to greet him warmly but I hold myself back. He turns to see me and smiles.

"Good afternoon ladies," he says as he departs through the sliding door.

"Mr. Grey will see you now, Miss Steele. Do go through," Andrea tells me and I stand quickly. I walk to the office I had come to many times and stood in front of the partially open large door.

 _Why am I nervous?_

"You don't need to knock…" Andrea begins but I hold my hand to her with a smile.

 _I know, I know, just go in._

If this is like the first time, then I need to be careful with my next step.

I open the door first and when the way is clear, I start walking. Not tripping this time. But as I'm walking, the heels I borrowed from Kate stuck in the carpet and I end up falling head first into the office, again!

 _Damn you clumsiness!_

I laugh.

"I guess I'm again at your feet Mr. Grey" I giggle when I notice two feet in front of me. Gentle hands are around me helping me stand up like the first time and I again feel completely embarrassed. I glance up with a smile to see Christian and sheer panic runs through my body when I see the man holding me is not Christian.

This man is about the same height of Christian but he has dark black hair and hazel eyes. Light stubble covers his strong jaw and I have to admit he is very handsome but he is not Christian.

"Who are you?" I ask him freeing myself out of his hold.

He looks puzzled but amused.

"I'm Christian Grey, Miss Kavanagh" He answers in a husky voice and the cold sweat returns to my body.

"No you are not!" I quickly correct him.

He scowls at me and he must be wondering who let this crazy person into his office but I can't accept it. He is not Christian!

"I thought you were graduating in Journalism. Isn't it your job to know the person you are interviewing?" The bastard smirks enjoying my lost expression.

"You are not Christian Grey" I mutter repeating again a chant in my head.

He runs a hand through his hair and sighs. He walks to his desk and grabs a magazine. He returns in front of me and hands it to me.

"Would you be convinced with this?"

It is a Forbes magazine with his face plastered on the cover with the title '30 under 30' but what almost makes me pass out is the name at the side of his photograph.

 _ **GEH's Christian Grey**_

 _This is not happening. This is not happening. This is not happening._

Where is my Christian?

* * *

 ** _Note:_** _Let me know in the reviews what do you think._


	2. Where are you?

_All characters belong to E.L. James._ _Proof-read by Obsessedreader83._

* * *

 **CHAPTER 2: _WHERE ARE YOU?_**

"Happy birthday to me, happy birthday to me, happy birthday stupid Ana, happy birthday to me!" I finish singing the ridiculous song, close my eyes and make my wish.

 _I wish for everything to go back to normal!_

I blow out a candle on the cake and wait a moment for the world to begin spinning or whatever the hell it's supposed to do to take me back to my family.

I open my eyes and see that nothing happened.

 _I have no tears left right now… maybe later._

I sigh and lift my eyes to find Kate's horrified expression at the door.

 _Shit! When did she get here?_

She scowls at me.

 _Yeah, yeah! I know, I know! I'm crazy…. But I'm desperate Kate!_

"Again?!" She reprimands me. "This is getting ridiculous and borderline insane. Give me that!" She comes to take the cake from me.

"No!" I try to block her but she is stronger and pushes me out. She grabs the cake with my candle and throws it in the garbage. "Kate!" I whine.

"Enough Ana!" She grabs me by the shoulders when I try to get the cake back. "It was funny at first when you asked me to sing you happy birthday, it became ridiculous when you took me to do it in the middle of the rain but now?" She inspects me and a genuine look of worry appears on her face. "You haven't even changed from your pajamas today"

I look at myself, I'm in my pajama pants, I'm wearing a stained shirt and I haven't brushed my hair. I must look like hell.

But then I feel like hell. It's been five days since somehow I ended up in 2011 and I don't know what to do to make this right. I'm feeling like I'm drowning most of the day. I'm out of my depth and I know, for sure now, this is entirely my fault.

"This isn't normal behavior. You are scaring me, please tell me what's wrong?" She seems genuinely worried and for a moment I want to tell her everything but then she would think I'm crazy if she doesn't already. She probably is already thinking of committing me to a Mental Hospital.

 _I just want my family back._

When I don't respond, Kate just shakes her head defeated. It has been like this lately; she asks me and I keep staring at her. Empty.

"Stop buying more pastries" She orders me with a sigh. "We are going to get fat if we continue having cake every day"

I just nod. _It wasn't working anyway._

I turn around and walk to my bedroom to another day of crying until sleep.

"Where are you going?" Kate asks me from behind.

 _For the love of God leave me alone!_

I ignore her and continue to my bed where I throw myself onto it to continue my self-hating. She comes barreling through the door and I groan into my pillow.

"Aren't you going to work?" Kate asks me.

"Huh?" I look at her dumbfounded.

Where am I going to work? Grey Publishing doesn't exist yet. I looked around the internet when I started the search for my husband, it is still Seattle Independent Press.

Kate groans.

"Don't you have to go back to work at Clayton's?" She questions me with an exasperated look.

Clayton's? Am I still working there?

 _Oh, crap! Of course you are, idiot! It's 2011!_

That means I haven't been to work for five days.

 _Double crap!_

As if Kate could read my mind she tells me. "Mrs. Clayton called asking why you missed your shift on Tuesday. I still thought you were sick at that point so I told her so"

"Good" I tell her relieved and go back to my covers. "I thought they had already fired me" I mumble.

"I know. I would have kicked you out if I was her but I also told her you were coming today!" She walks next to the bed and pulls my comforter and sheets from me.

"Hey!" I whine. "I don't feel like going. I will call her" I sit up to pull my sheets back and Kate takes that moment to pull me from the bed and drag me to the bathroom.

"Kate!" I shout trying to free myself from her but she is so damn strong. "What are you doing?!"

"I've had enough of this!" She barks. "I don't know what it is with you that is making you act like the living dead but you need to snap out of it!" She shouts and pushes me into the shower with one hand while she starts the shower with the other.

"Katherine!" I scream as cold water soaks me entirely.

I try to get out but Kate is still holding me in there while I struggle getting her wet too in the process.

"Kate stop please!" I plead.

"You think lying in bed doing nothing is going to solve anything?" She pulls my face to the stream of water and in my attempt to scream I swallow water. "If tears would solve all the problems in the world then people wouldn't stop crying the whole day but life isn't like that"

I open my eyes at her, really listening for the first time in days.

"You have missed classes; I don't see you studying for finals and now, you are not going to work. You don't drown in your problems Ana! You take a few steps back to see the whole picture and find the solution" She tells me more calmly and stops the shower.

"You will be more productive going to work rather being on your bed all day. Maybe the distraction would help you find the answer for whatever is troubling you" She finishes and keeps looking at me.

I'm at a loss of words. I stare in awe at my amazingly strong friend and remember why I love her so much. I hug her. For a moment, I'm thinking she will reject me for being such a bitch these past couple of days but she surprises me by hugging me back.

"Thank you" I murmur still holding her. "I needed that"

"It was that or kicking your ass" She chuckles and I release her.

I begin to walk to my bedroom but stop at the bathroom's door.

"When did you become so wise?" I turn to ask her. I don't remember this side of Kate.

"I'm not" She seems embarrassed. "I just threw in there all of my grandma's advices that I could think of" She shrugs and for the first time in days, I can't help chuckling.

"Smart gal" I tell her and she nods

"Are you still not going to tell me what is going on?" She asks me, suddenly sad. She might be thinking I don't trust her.

I do, I really do. But on this, I need to carry my penitence alone.

"I will get ready for work" I smile meekly at her and close my bedroom door.

* * *

"My brother told me you were sick" Paul Clayton is hovering over me.

"I'm fine now" I tell him frustrated focusing on the computer in front of me rather than him.

 _Crap! I forgot how to do this._

Mrs. Clayton asked me to check on some orders. I'm checking catalogue numbers against the items we need and the items we've ordered but I keep getting confused over the entries match. How did I use to do this?

"Good" He keeps talking as I'm about to pull my hair over this. "Maybe we can hang out later"

I look at him with a frown. _Hang out?_ No way. I even turned down Kate's attempt to go out yesterday and locked myself in my room when Jose came over.

I'm about to turn him down as well when Mrs. Clayton comes asking if one of us could stock items on the racks. I quickly volunteer leaving Paul to check the orders and walk to carry the box she was holding.

They are small packages of screws. I'm a little annoyed about all of this. A week ago I was closing a publishing deal with a best-selling author and now here I am, stocking screws on a rack. I can't help but be a bit harsh on the packages.

"Whoa! Those are getting _screwed_ " I stop in my tracks when I recognize the voice behind me.

 _That voice!_

I'm stunned. I can't believe he is here. It's Christian Grey.

 _But not my Christian Grey._

It's Faux-Christian!

"You get it?" He has a big smirk on his face.

I don't know how to react, I just kept staring at him not knowing how to respond. He walks closer to me. He is wearing jeans, sneakers and a gray pullover, even this casual he looks very good. His black hair looks wild maybe because of the wind and looking at his face, I notice he shaved making him look younger but his eyes are what mesmerize me. Right now, they look like drops of gold, different from the first time I saw them.

" _Screwed_ because they are screws" He waves his head from one side to the other looking a bit embarrassed by his attempt at joking, I think.

"What are you doing here?" I'm thankful my voice has come back.

He seems taken back by my question. Probably I'm too harsh on him but these last few days have been hell and I simply don't care.

"I came to give you back this" He hands me a navy jacket. My navy jacket. Only then I realize he has been carrying it.

I take my jacket from him but he holds it for a moment not letting go. This makes me look at him and he smiles at my frown. I stare at the item in my hands and remember why I left it behind in the first place

* * *

I'm staring in shock at the magazine in my hands. _This is not happening_. It can't be, this is a joke. A sick joke.

"Are you alright, Miss Kavanagh? Would you like to sit?" The man in front of me offers but my body doesn't seem to react.

How is this even possible? Where is Christian? My Christian! Not this man. This … this… Faux-Christian.

Everything is like it's supposed to be but now that I look around I notice some differences. The desk is different, there is no coffee table and the white leather couch where Teddy once spilled juice as a baby isn't there, it's brown instead. The office is still too big for just one man; the walls are the same color and when my eyes follow them around I find the same mosaic of small paintings hanging by the door.

"They are from a local artist" I must be staring at them for so long that he feels the need to explain.

"Trouton" I interrupt him. "Raising the ordinary to the extraordinary" I mutter remembering saying the same thing to my husband the first time we met but he is not here.

 _Why?_

"I thought the same, Miss Kavanagh" His tone is soft and he regards me with a smile.

"Steele" I correct him. _'Mrs. Grey'_ actually but I need to level down the craziness of this fucked up situation. "Miss Kavanagh is indisposed so she sent me, instead" I explain and he nods.

"Well Miss Steele, I just have ten minutes to do this before my next appointment so I recommend you to start right away" He directs me to the couch being the embodiment of arrogance.

 _Like someone I remember._

He walks to the couches and sits gracefully on one of them. I follow him gingerly and sit in front of him not knowing what else to do than follow his orders.

Opening my satchel, I take Kate's questions and the mini-disc recorder but before I start I look around one more time. I catch the door to the bathroom and for a moment I let my mind imagine Christian is in there hiding with Teddy and Phoebe ready to burst out yelling 'surprise', they would tell me this is a prank and we would go home… together.

But I know deep down it's not going to happen.

 _I've lost my family._

I don't understand. If I traveled in time, as ridiculous as the idea is, then I should've found Christian here not this faux version.

I look at him and find him watching me as he is trying to decipher me, probably he is thinking what the hell is wrong with this girl. He is wearing a dark blue suit with a pinstriped gray tie. I catch his eyes and we stare at each other for a moment, his hazel eyes look like a clear greenish brown and they are fantastic.

I shake my head. I can't do this, if Christian is not here then I must find out what happened to him pronto. Where is he? Is he alright? I need to start the search for my husband. With that in mind, I stand abruptly.

"You are leaving?" Faux-Christian asks me with a frown.

His question stops me from running and it makes me remember that I must do this for Kate first. _Damn!_ I can't let her down. I sit down and pick up the paper that fell from my lap.

"Sorry" I mutter a bit embarrassed. "I'm not a journalist. I'm just a friend of Miss Kavanagh's doing her a favor and I'm not used to this kind of interaction with…"

"With?" He eyes me warily.

"Important people" I clarify. "I hope you understand me being nervous" And I hope he buys my bullshit.

He stares at me for a moment, silent, and I bite my lip nervously. I don't know why I'm inventing excuses when I should just continue but for some strange reason I need his acceptance. He nods.

"Alright let's start" I click the recorder to start and pick up the paper with the questions.

 _Oh, Lord_

I quickly scan Kate's questions and find the same inane ones that I did the first time. Christ! Even the one about him being gay. I remember Christian telling me once how dull the questions were. Well, I have a second chance to do them right.

We spend the following fifteen minutes going through the questions. I try to change them as much as possible without killing the essence of some of them but can't help feeling annoyed at Kate's nosiness. Each question I ask, he responds with a rehearsed answer. Each answer is similar to what Christian, my real Christian, would have answered and despite his charm, I feel resentful towards Faux-Christian as if he were an impostor taking my husband's place.

There are some differences though, he admits he often does interviews for the sake of his business. He is arrogant when I ask him about his wealth and the control he exercises over his business but then he surprises me saying he likes to find potential by giving up some control and studying how people act under new responsibilities. Not my Christian aka Control-Freak at all.

The knock I was waiting for finally arrives and Andrea enters.

"Mr. Grey, forgive me for interrupting, but your next meeting is in two minutes." She tells him.

"Cancel it, please" He directs her.

 _What?! No! I'm getting out of here._

He looks at her when she hesitates but she recovers and nods to us both.

"Where were we, Miss Steele?" He resumes his intense stare at me.

"We finished actually" I stop the recorder.

"Then I hope you wouldn't mind if I want to know about you" He smiles wickedly. "It's only fair"

 _Damn! Do I leave anyway? What is he going to do after all? Chase me?_

"For starters, I don't know your name" He tells me before I had the chance to think of an escape plan.

"Steele" I tell him again and he frowns. _What does he want? Oh!_ "Anastasia Steele" I correct myself and he grins making me blush.

"Steele. Anastasia Steele" He repeats in a deep voice. "Kind of a James Bond thing you did there"

 _Huh?!_

He chuckles but he stops when he sees me frowning in confusion. Did he… did he try to make a joke? Just as I'm thinking this he blushes and it's… cute. I can't help giggling for the first time since I've arrived.

"Don't mind me" He laughs. "That was lame" He runs his hand through his hair and seems nervous.

"It's fine" I say and decide that it's best if I leave now.

"What are your plans after you graduate?" He asks me quickly when I put the recorder in my satchel.

 _Graduate?_

Graduation didn't cross my mind so far. _Right!_ I'm graduating next week. _Shit!_ I had finals too, then. I scowl at this but the truth, there is only one thing I want to do after this.

 _Find my husband._

"I don't know" It's the only genuine thing I had said so far in this interview. I don't know what to do.

"If you are looking for internships after you graduate, we run an excellent internship program here" He offers me and I laugh again.

"No, thank you" He scowls at me and soon I find myself explaining. "I'm not into mergers and acquisitions. I want to work as an editor and find the new American best-seller, you know"

"So you do have a plan" He tells me brushing his fingers over his lips.

 _Shit! I said too much._

"Sort of" I mutter. I don't have plans; I did have a career though.

I look at him and the feeling of being alone here invades me. I want to tell someone everything that has happened but I know I can't without sounding mental.

He is just a stranger, maybe I can tell him some form of truth so I begin to speak about my work in a very vague form.

"I want to work with local Seattle-area talent who haven't been given the chance to really focus on the story they want to tell and promote their voices…" Usually when I start talking about my job, I become passionate about it and talk and talk. I even tell him about e-books and a program for young editors, something I've been working on lately at GP.

"I'm amazed by your passion" He tells me when I finally go quiet thinking about how none of this is going to happen if I don't have Christian at my side. "Have you applied for a job at any publishing houses?"

"No" He frowns.

I must sound like an idiot for speaking about all of this and not having done anything to achieve it.

I guess I have to do everything again. I should apply to SIP again and in more deep thought, I have to do it soon. I have to move to Seattle to search for Christian and to do so I need a place and a job.

"But I will apply to an assisting position at Seattle Independent Press soon" I smile meekly and that seems to placate him.

"I would be happy to help you" He says and I just nod absentminded.

 _The only one who can help me is my Christian, my husband._

All his efforts just to make me happy come rushing to me. His words come back to me: _I just want to give you the world, Ana, everything and anything you want._

And right now I just want him _. Where are you?!_

I hold my tears; I can't cry here. I don't know what possessed me to share this much with this man, this strange man. He is not Christian. I need to get out of here, I need to find my real Christian. He is probably out there alone, confused and looking for me right now. I stand up quickly, grab my satchel and run to the door.

"Miss Steele" Faux-Christian calls behind me but I shook my head ignoring him.

I walk faster to the lobby when I hear his footsteps behind me.

"Anastasia wait" He calls my name and it sounds so strange coming from him.

"Thank you for the interview Mr. Grey" I mutter when I sense him close to me.

"Miss Steele, your jacket" Andrea stands up when we walk past her.

"Keep it" I mumble when I see the elevator waiting for me. I run to catch it just in time and as the doors close I see Faux-Christian's worried expression and a puzzled Andrea holding my jacket.

The elevator descends as well as my spirit. What the hell is happening? I close my eyes and try to maintain calm but I can't. That dreadful feeling of not seeing my family ever again is choking me. When the elevator opens, I run to the exit in search of Kate's car.

Inside the car, I try to recall in my head the last events before this. I need to find the cause behind this clusterfuck. The last thing I remember before waking up in my bed was blowing the candle out on my cake. _Fuck!_ I close my eyes in realization.

 _I wish I was twenty-one again._

IT WAS A JOKE! I can't believe that some sort of powerful force had listened to my wish and had me return to 2011 instead of… I don't know… cure cancer? But why isn't Christian in this alternative past?

 _I wish Ella had loved Christian as much as I love my Teddy bear._

"No, no, no, no, NO!" I scream in my hands and then I begin to hit the steering wheel with my fists. I had lost my husband over some wish. I had lost my family over my desire for him to have a better childhood. "Where are you, Christian?! Where are you?!" I scream and cry hysterically inside Kate's car.

* * *

"Thought you might want it" His words take me to the present.

I didn't do anything else but search for Christian. I started online but it was futile without a name. I even search for Ella but not knowing her last name made it impossible as well. I never found out her information and Christian has always avoided the topic. When I went to a private detective and gave him Christian's description but no name, he told me to go to a dating website. Not that I didn't try it but I slowly started to lose faith.

A tear rolls down my cheek and I quickly catch it with the back of my hand avoiding his stare.

"The couple times I've seen you, you have this pained expression" He hands me a handkerchief but I shake my head refusing, he sighs. "Have you lost someone?"

I snap my head to look at him when he guesses right. _So, he can be perceptive._

"You traveled all the way here to give me back my jacket?" I change the topic and stare at him incredulously.

He has the grace to laugh.

"Would that give me some points?" I frown at him in confusion. "I'm currently funding some research here at WSU and I was making an impromptu visit but yes Miss Steele, I took the opportunity to come to this hardware store to give you your jacket" He looks around in wonder. Surely, he had come to a store before.

"How did you know I worked here?" _Even I forgot I was working here._

"Background check" He says it as if it was a normal thing to do. "I do one before I meet someone for security purposes, it was the rule until you came along. I had to do it after I met you" He shrugs.

Christian did the same but at least Faux-Christian is more honest about it. In fact, his honesty is disarming.

"Thank you Mr. Grey, I hope you have a safe trip back to Seattle" I turn around to leave my jacket at the back of the store.

"Wait" I turn to see what he wants. "Can you show me around?" He asks nervously.

"I'm working Mr. Grey" I smile sweetly at him so the rejection doesn't sting too much. "If you are not going to buy something then I can't help you"

"A hammer" He splurts out. "I would need a hammer for…" He looks around and catches the screws in front of me. "… these screws, right?" He takes one small package.

I laugh. I can't help but find him cute.

"No, you would need a screwdriver for these but nails for a hammer" I explain to him and he seems genuinely confused.

"Nails?" He shows me his hand and now I know he is doing it on purpose.

"You can't be that obtuse" I laugh and he seems lost for a moment but then smiles shyly. I think this is the first time I relax in days.

"Where are the screwdrivers?" He asks me and I turn quickly to grab one from the rack next to the screws. He scowls. "I would need that hammer too"

I eye him suspiciously and roll my eyes. _He is being impossible._

"This way" I mutter and lead him to the next aisle and he grins.

"Did you apply to SIP already?" He asks me when we turn into the next aisle.

"Yes" I answer focusing on finding that damn hammer.

I did send my resume to SIP when I used Kate's computer for my search. The sooner I move to Seattle, the better my chances to find Christian. I hope.

"How is the article coming along?" He shakes the screws in their package behind me and I find the hammer section. I pick the most expensive one, he can afford it.

"I'm not writing it but my friend is. She is very excited about it" I lie because the truth is I haven't paid attention to anything Kate has been doing or saying.

Suddenly I have a memory from my days of zombie-like state, Kate had been moaning about not having original photographs. I know my Christian would have agreed to do a photoshoot but would Faux-Christian fall for that? Kate had been very patient with me, _until this morning,_ but patient still. I should do this for her even if the photographs aren't from the Christian I want.

"She would like some original photographs for the article though" I turn to look at him.

"Publicity stills?" He thinks about it for a moment and I'm scared he will not agree. "Sure, why not?" He shrugs and I beam. _Yes! Kate will be so happy._

Faux-Christian's lips part and he doesn't say anything for a moment. _Where did the impossible guy go?_ I wait for Paul's interruption to get me out of this awkward silence but it's his phone which starts to ring.

"Sorry" He takes his phone and scowls at it. "I need to take this" He tells me.

"It's fine" I take the screwdriver and the small package from him. "I will ring these items at the till" He nods and I turn. _Phew! The things I do for Kate._

"I thought you wanted to end this, little bird" I catch him say to the phone before I leave the aisle.

A few minutes later he appears and hands me his credit card.

"It's forty-six dollars" I tell him before I process his card.

"Sure, whatever" He shrugs and runs his hand through his hair. I'm confused at his sudden change of mood; the call must have been upsetting.

I hand him the bag with the items and his credit card.

"Call me if you are serious about the photo shoot" He gives me his card. "My cell number is at the back. I will be around so you can go ahead and arrange it, tomorrow perhaps"

I nod enthusiastically and he smiles. He is back to himself, I think.

"Cool, then I will see you there Anastasia… hopefully" He eyes me.

"Sure" It's the only thing I can say to his golden-like eyes. He beams and turns to leave.

A rush of excitement invades me. Kate will be so excited if I remember correctly and this certainly would put me back in her good graces. It would be the photo shoot all over again.

 _But no Christian._

The feeling of loss returns quickly as it hasn't been absent for too long and I go back to my living-dead state for the rest of the day.

* * *

The suite at the Heathman is exactly as I remember it. Christian and I had been here frequently over the years, only we stay in the most upgraded suite in the hotel - where I slept with him for the first time. I smile at the memory looking absentmindedly at the furniture of the room.

"He hasn't stopped looking at you the whole time" Kate whispers in my ear next to me breaking my thoughts.

I look at Faux-Christian as he is following Jose's directions and indeed, he is looking at me intensely but I choose not to think much about it, after all I'm the only one he had previously met in this room. Also, I'm not in the mood to give it much thought. Yesterday and today's mornings I have spent calling all the Ella's in Detroit in a vain attempt to find Christian. I received enough _'fuck you's'_ to understand it was futile.

My phone starts to ring interrupting the session.

"I said to put your phones on silent" Jose admonishes us.

"It's mine, sorry" I apologize.

"Oh" Jose turns to look at me. "It's fine" He smiles at me and Kate rolls her eyes.

"I'll be right back" I tell Kate and leave the room to answer it.

"Hello?" I take the call.

"Anastasia Steele?" A woman's voice tells me asshe was reading it from somewhere.

"Yes" I reply to her warily.

"This is Elizabeth Morgan from SIP" A shiver of fear runs through my body at the mention of that name. Only then, I recognize her voice.

 _Elizabeth Morgan?! Oh no. Why is she calling me?_

Listening to her makes me remember Jack's attack and that awful moment when I thought I was going to lose my blip, my Teddy. In that moment, I realize I'm clutching my belly. _Wait!_ Did she say SIP?

"Uhmm… what do you want?" I ask her in a soft tone.

"I work in Human Resources here at SIP and I was calling to arrange a job interview for a new program for young editors"

 _Huh?_

"I'm sorry there must be a mistake, I applied for an assisting position" I don't understand.

"Yes, we are considering you for an assisting position but there have been a few changes in our requirements and we want you to work in this new program as well, you came highly recommended"

 _From who?_

"This is if you are interested?" She mumbles, probably thinking why am I objecting this?

"Yes, I am. Thank you for the opportunity" I reply hastily and we arrange an appointment for Wednesday.

This is strange, I didn't know of a young editor program when I sent my resume. Actually, it sounds like what I've been working on at GP. And I'm recommended? From who? Then I remember who I told all about it. _Christian!_ No, not my Christian. _Faux-Christian! That bastard!_

I stomp into the suite to find they had already finished with the photoshoot. Kate and Jose are working on Jose's computer to one side. Faux-Christian spots me and walks to me with a smile but when I scowl at him, his smile disappears. I need to control my anger but… how dare he give my idea away like that?

"You are mad" He tells me when he stands right in front of me. "It's a good change from the sad expression you often have when I see you"

This make me scowl harder and I tell him about my interview.

"Good!" He smiles. "I'm sure you will get the job"

"Why did you tell them about the program I talked to you about?" I question him.

"Well, you told me how it would be a good opportunity for people fresh out of college and I thought: Anastasia is fresh out of college" He tells me and I groan. "I asked you if I could help you and you nodded" He tells me frustrated.

"I thought you wouldn't care" I mumble.

"I do care Anastasia" He tells me and it catches me by surprise. His words seem genuine and I'm disarmed once again by his honesty. I look at his eyes, right now they are the greenish brown I saw the first time, and I don't notice he is standing very close to me.

"Ana!" Kate calls me and frees me from my daze. I look at her and she is eyeing me suspiciously while Jose is sending daggers to Faux-Christian.

"Your friend doesn't seem to like me" He whispers. "Let's go talk some other place. Would you like some coffee?" He offers me.

I'm angry at him but I do need to know more about what he did and why he did it. I nod at him and he grins. I quickly run to Kate and explain to her my plans, she is surprised by my boldness and just nods her head shocked while Jose tells me it's a bad idea. I ignore him.

When I return to Faux-Christian, he leads me to the elevator by putting his hand on my back. I know he is not my Christian but I feel calmed by it. While we wait, I resume my demand for explanations.

"How did you get SIP to agree to that program?" I question him.

"I have my ways" He shrugs and seems uncomfortable. In the depths of my stomach I have this uneasy feeling and I know exactly how he did it.

"You bought it, didn't you?" I wait for him to deny it. I really want him to deny it.

"How did you know?" He whips his head to look at me with questioning eyes and I groan.

"You just confirmed it" I mutter.

 _Jesus Christ! Faux-Christian is just as bat-shit crazy as Real-Christian._

"Oh" He stays quiet thinking on his lapse, surely. "The news are embargoed for a couple of weeks" He tells me.

"Why would you do such a thing?!" I say exasperated.

"What? Buy whatever I please?" He is arrogant once again.

The ping of the elevator distracts us and we both enter the cart.

"Yes" I tell him, leaning in the back of the elevator. He follows me after pressing the lobby's button.

"I always wanted to go into publishing" I snort. I'm not buying that BS.

We stare at each other for a while before he sighs and runs his hand through his dark hair.

"Fine. The truth is after hearing you talk so passionately about what you want to do, I got inspired. I got your GPA from the background check I did and I couldn't think of anyone else who would flourish in that program more than you" He tells me and again his honesty is disarming but he messed with my career and I can't let that go.

"You can't just interfere with my career, Christian!" I admonish him.

He laughs and I scowl at him in confusion. What is funny? He must see my bewilderment because he shakes his head and tells me.

"It's the first time you've called me by my first name" He explains to me.

He is right, I have been avoiding it since I met him and now, it came out so easily due to my frustration.

"I wondered when you would do it" He grins. "I think only my family call me Christian"

 _His family. Would it be possible?_ My curiosity gets the best of me.

"Tell me about your family" I ask him.

"Huh?" He is confused by my sudden change of topic but I need to know. "What do you want to know?"

"Your family. What do they do?" I smile to encourage him to tell me.

"My mother is a pediatrician, my father a lawyer. My brother Elliot works in construction and Mia, well she is just Mia" He smiles fondly thinking about her. "Her latest choice of career is being a chef" He smiles.

That confirms it for me. He got Christian's life, he got his wonderful family while he probably is out there alone and all because of me. I can't help it, I feel resentful towards him as if he had stolen his life. All these events are happening without my Christian and they are happening to him, he is taking the life that was supposed to be ours, my husband and I's.

When the elevator opens, I bolt out of there not wanting to see him again.

"Anastasia!" He calls me and I don't listen, I just walk to the door. He reaches me and grabs me by the arm.

"Why is it every time we see each other you are running from me?" He scowls and looks hurt. "Am I that disgusting?" He asks me and it shocks me, how could he even think that about himself.

"No! Of course, not!" I tell him adamantly and when he sees I'm looking at his grip on my arm, he lets go.

"What did I do wrong? Did I offend you?" He looks concerned.

"It's not that. It's just…" What should I tell him? _I can't look at you because you are the evidence of how I ruined my husband's life._ No, I can't say that. He is not to blame I remind myself. "It's better if we do not see each other anymore" I say.

I turn rapidly to get away from him and don't notice the big cart loaded with luggage, pushed by a bell boy in front of me.

"Christ, Ana!" He reacts rapidly and pulls me close to his chest.

"Sorry ma'am" The stupid bell boy says embarrassed and goes away under Faux-Christian's glare.

"Fucking idiot!" Faux-Christian mumbles and I'm still in his embrace. "Are you alright?" He asks me and I nod but he doesn't let me go.

I lift my eyes to look at him and find his eyes on me. They are back to the golden-like droplets I once saw. I find him looking at me intensely and his eyes land straight on my mouth. For a moment, I let my mind relish the idea that maybe this is how it is supposed to go now that everything has changed and suddenly I feel myself relax in his arms.

 _NO! I'm married!_

He is not my Christian! I remind myself. My real Christian is out there, looking for me. I'm sure. He is out there lost and I need to find him.

"You are not the man for me" I tell him and he closes his eyes as if in pain.

"I know" He murmurs looking hurt. "But if you let me, I can try to be" His honesty is back again and I want to hug him but I know it's wrong.

"You don't understand" I shake my head.

"Make me understand" He answers back.

"I belong to someone else" I tell him with all the honesty I can gather mirroring his own. I can't lead him on now that I'm certain of what his true intentions are and despite knowing it's for the best, I can't avoid the feeling I'm losing something too. "Let me go, please" I push him lightly and he finally releases me from his embrace. I wipe a lonely tear off my face before I look at him again.

"I'm sorry, Mr. Grey. Thank you for everything" He is all serious now but finally nods with a sad smile. He doesn't say anything more.

I exit the Heathman and search for my beloved Wanda. Once inside, I finally let my tears out. How much longer do I need to carry this penitence? I look at the sky. _Hasn't it been enough?_ I continue crying. I have to admit that I don't know where to look for Christian. If he is there, he needs to find me. I need to go to Seattle soon and stay there until he finds me. I'm sure he will find me.

 _Patience is my strongest virtue._

Where are you? It's my last thought before I start my car and go to my apartment.

* * *

It's been a week since the photo shoot. Going through finals and work have been distractions that made these days somehow bearable, that and Kate. She has been a wonderful friend.

I went to the job interview dreading the possibility of finding Hyde, thankfully he wasn't there but out at a publishing convention. In the meantime, I would acquire a taser gun.

I got interviewed by Elizabeth who still gave me the creeps but instead of Hyde, Hyllary Stewart was with her. I remembered her from the first days I stepped into Hyde's position when he got fired, she was the only one who tried to help by teaching me some things and not judging me when I married Christian. I was gladly surprised to find her there and we quickly hit it off like the first time we met. I admit I used some of the information I knew about her to charm her but still I did try my best to impress her with my experience. Said experience that was only in my head since my resume only showed my job at Clayton's Hardware Store.

Three days later, Elizabeth called telling me I got the position in the program and start on Monday. For a fleeting moment, I was happy but then I remembered I still didn't have a place and that's when my wonderful friend gave me the keys to the still-to-be furnished apartment at Pike Market, telling me not to worry about graduation and that she will soon join me there.

So here I am in Seattle at SIP's reception, with a bag of clothes and an air mattress back in my new apartment, waiting for Claire to tell me I can go up.

"Ana" Give it to Claire to call me Ana the first time we meet. "You can go up now"

"Thank you" I smile to her. It's nice to see known faces even though they don't know me yet.

Christian hasn't been out of my mind. I still cry until sleep every night, dream of him and cry again when I realize I'm still in the past without my family. I've learned to hide my pain when I interact with people. I'm still hopeful he will find me now that I'm in Seattle. I even once called a radio station and told them my story, sure they thought I was a drunk and had an amazing time mocking me, but hopefully Christian was out there listening.

Lately though, I have this fear deep in my belly that keeps asking why hasn't he found me yet?

"Anastasia, I'm glad you are already here" Hillary receives me at the door of the conference room.

 _Shoot! Am I late?_

"I'm sorry. I didn't know I was coming late" I blush. _Way to start off!_

"No, honey" She laughs. "I was just about to enter when I saw you coming"

We enter the conference room and inside there are three more people. There is a very tall blond with long legs wearing an elegant slim gray dress and killer heels. I can't help but compare it to my blue shirt, brown skirt, black pantyhose and black shoes.

 _Damn it! I did it again!_

Next to her there are two men, one is dressed in a suit and the other, who looks way too young, is in jeans and a shirt. The blond girl looks at my outfit and smirks. I scowl at her. I already don't like her.

"Alright ladies and gentlemen" Hillary calls us to the center where the table has four boxes on it. "I'm going to cut short the introduction because one of the editors is in New York and there is a bunch of stuff to do. You all will be working assisting a senior editor and while doing so you will be evaluated for an opening vacancy as a commissioning editor"

 _Holy shit!_

"That being said" She opens the lid of one of the boxes revealing manuscripts. "These are novels sent by aspiring writers that the editors here didn't want and threw away to the storage. I've been wanting to go through these for ages but sadly we are a business" She looks at us.

"You find the next best seller in one of these boxes, you get the editor position. The rest of you would continue working your asses off until the next vacancy. Understood?"

We all nod speechless.

"Good. Let the hunger games begin…" She laughs and walks to the door but before leaving she turns. "Oh, Ana. You will be assisting me" I nod. "You can stay here for an hour until lunch but I will be needing you after that. Sarah" She calls the tall blond. "You will be working with Jack Hyde"

I turn to look at Sarah. Now I have sympathy for the poor girl.

"He sent you work indications on your e-mail but since it looks like you will have more time than the others, I hope you can find something in there" She points to the boxes. "Jack wishes you good luck and is sorry you couldn't go with him to the convention" This makes Sarah smile. _Oh poor poor girl._ "Okay kids. Good luck" She leaves.

I look at Sarah and I want to tell her to be careful with Jack but she begins to talk to me first.

"What are you looking at, Dullsville?" She asks me when I keep staring at her. _Okay, I might hold my tongue for a couple of days._ I scowl at her.

"Hi, I'm Noah" The younger of the guys extends his hand and I take it smiling at him. He is very young. I don't think he is older than twenty-one. Hell! I don't think he is older than eighteen.

"And I'm getting out of here" The other guy says and walks to the door.

"You are not going through the boxes?" Noah asks him.

"No way! I came here to learn about the business not to explore other people's trash. I will look for the editor I've been assigned to do some actual work. See you later" He winks at me and walks out of the room.

"He is Connor" Noah tells me.

"I'm not doing this as well. I'm going to see what Jack has sent me" Sarah leaves with a smug face.

"And she is…" Noah tries to tell me but I cut him off.

"Sarah" I grit my teeth.

"Yeah, she certainly has a personality" Noah walks to one of the chairs and pulls one of the boxes to start digging. "I don't get those guys. We are promised a dream job and the only thing we have to do is… read" He looks at me with his big blue eyes as if he has found a treasure.

"I know" I giggle and follow to sit next to him. I pull another box over as well.

"It's okay if you want to leave too. I'm sure Hillary has work for you"

"Pffff! So you can find the new best seller and win my job?" I huff not serious at all and he laughs. I grab a manuscript. "Besides this was my idea" I mumble.

"Huh?" Noah looks at me confused.

"Nothing" I sigh. No point in scaring the kid.

We spent the next forty-five minutes going through several novels. Fiction and non-fiction. Doing this reminds me of when I found Boyce Fox's first novel in a similar box, I felt like I'd found a hidden treasure, and what a treasure it was with all the sales it had. But sadly, right now I didn't find anything with substance. I notice Noah had just gone through two manuscripts. _That kid needs to up his game._ I reach for my eleventh attempt and as soon as I start reading I recognize the book. Going through the pages only makes me more certain.

 _This is Carter Buran's first book!_

I can't believe it. I remember his story. He was rejected by many publishing houses before publishing his first hit. I guess SIP was one of many. I read the author's name for the manuscript and it says Carlton Banks.

 _Carlton Banks?!_

I laugh out loud or as Phoebe had learned recently from texting Mia: LOL. I can't believe it! No wonder he was rejected many times and no wonder he changed his name. I'm giddy with joy, this definitely is going to get me the position of editor, scratch that, I'm going for you Roach!

"I see you found something that peaked your interest" Noah tells me rubbing his eyes after reading the second novel he picked.

"Yeah" I beam at him. "This is gold" I show him the manuscript.

"Carlton Banks?" He laughs.

"Don't let the appearances fool you!" I take the novel back. "Sorry to tell you buddy but I've already got the editor vacancy"

He shakes his head.

"I don't know" He chuckles. "This story has caught me from beginning to end" He gives me the novel.

I scan through the pages. It's interesting in the first chapters but soon the characters start losing substance and purpose. I guess I would read it to know how it ends but it isn't the best story here. I read the author's name and find that he is a high school English teacher. Well, no wonder.

"Haven't you found anything else?" He frowns at my question and grabs the other manuscript.

"Yes, but I prefer that one" He is stubborn.

"Don't be silly. Look for more options" I grab another box for him.

"No, I'm fine" He moves his lips inward. "I will give…" He reads the author's name from the manuscript. "… Henry Bradley, the English teacher, a chance. I think he has something here. A pregnant teenage girl fighting to give her unborn son a better life? I don't know, it pulls something in here" He pats his chest where his heart is.

"Alright, no need to be sentimental" I lift my arms in surrender and he chuckles. "Besides as I told you, the job is already mine" I smirk and wave Buran's novel at him.

Since I only have fifteen minutes left before going to Hillary, I call first from the conference room to Buran. He agrees immediately to a meeting tomorrow morning. _That was easy._ I'm sure I had it easier than my assistant Alex. I gave the phone to Noah after finishing and arrange the boxes on the table before I leave.

"But sir, this is a great opportunity" I hear Noah struggling over the phone and since I have some time left, I decide to stay to help him.

"With a great editor like me your book could be published nationwide" _Nice Noah._ I give him a thumbs up and he smiles. "I'm sure you could get the time to come here. Where do you work? See! That's not too far from here" He closes his eyes.

Why is this guy giving him a fight? Your book could be published dude! It's a no-brainer. You jump at the opportunity. Ughh. I'm starting to dislike the teacher for putting Noah through trouble.

"What do I do?" Noah asks me covering the receiver with his hand.

I roll my eyes and on a piece of paper I write 'Screw him! Find another author!'. When I show it to him, he waves me off and turns to continue trying to convince the guy.

I think for a moment, what would Christian say. Inspiration hits me and I write it on another piece of paper. Noah reads it and nods.

"If you don't do this, then people will never know her story" He reads from the paper I wrote. "They won't know Leah's story" He adds.

There is silence for a moment and he frowns at the phone thinking he hung up on him but then he throws a fist in the air in victory. He finishes the arrangements for a meeting after my own with Buran and he hugs me.

"Thank you!" He laughs.

"You're welcome" I feel his enthusiasm and laugh. "Who is Leah?"

"The character's name" He says a bit embarrassed for hugging me. "The pregnant teenage girl. That's her name in the novel, Leah" He explains.

* * *

The next day, my meeting with Buran or still Carlton Banks goes smoothly and easy. He is very different from his future self, not the diva I've met. We work through his story which needs some editing but it's an amazing story. I told him I would call him as soon as I have the greenlight from Hillary and he left. This is exciting not the boring job of bringing coffee to Jack. I frown. He is supposed to come back one of these days. What should I do? I don't have evidence to get him fired. I miss Christian badly, he would know what to do.

 _What is keeping him from finding me?_

The phone on my desk rings, distracting me from my darker thoughts and I answer it.

"Hello?"

"Miss Steele" Claire calls me. "There is a Henry Bradley here looking for Mr. Gibson"

"Who looking for who?" I ask her and she giggles.

"Please sit for a moment and I will call you, sir" She directs to someone and I can't hear well but a man agrees. "Listen Ana! There is a God's gift to women sitting in front of me looking for Noah but he isn't answering the phone at his desk"

 _The English teacher! Right!_

"Hold on" I look over my desk to Noah's and I don't find him there. I look at my watch and see that he is late for his meeting. "He is not here yet" I tell her.

"That's a shame" She muses. "Do I make him wait a bit longer?" She says in a chirpy voice. "Or should I reschedule?" She says in a sad voice making me giggle.

I remember how Noah struggled to get this man here.

"Make him wait for a moment. I'm going to call Noah to find out what is keeping him" She agrees and I hang up to call Noah's cell.

"Ana!" Noah answers right away and sounds agitated. "Is Bradley there already?"

"Yes, that's why I was calling you. Why aren't you here?"

"My daughter got sick and I brought her to the ER" He tells me.

 _Daughter?! The kid looks like fifteen!_

"Hummm… Is she fine?" I ask him still surprised by his revelation.

"Yes, she was already discharged. I'm just waiting for my mom to pick her up and take her home. I will go to SIP straight from here. Please, could you keep Bradley there until I arrive? It won't be too long"

"Fine" I growl. "Don't worry I will keep the English teacher here for you although I don't know why you bother so much with him"

"Just help me out Ana" He says frustrated and I realize I'm giving him more worries rather than helping.

"Sorry" I mutter. "Don't worry I will handle everything until you arrive" I promise him.

"Thanks Ana. I owe you one" He hangs up.

 _A daughter?!_

I shake my head and call Claire to take Mr. Bradley to the conference room where I had my meeting with Buran. She is only too happy to agree.

I take my time before going to the meeting and go to Noah's desk to search for the manuscript. I begin to read and I have to admit it is a good plot but there is a lot of work to do editing. I'm sure poor Noah would drown with this heavy work. Finally, I check my outfit which is a black skirt and a white blouse before heading to the conference room.

I reach the door and find Claire smirking and leaning on the frame. I look inside and don't find anyone.

"Where is he?" I ask her.

"He went to the restroom" She chuckles and I roll my eyes. "All yours now" She giggles and returns to the reception.

 _Great!_

I sit on one of the chairs and check Buran's novel that I brought instead of Bradley's. If he is going to give my friend trouble and then make me wait, he can't expect to have my full attention. It's his book that we are dealing with here. After a moment, there is a light knock at the door.

"Come in" I tell him without taking my eyes from Buran's novel.

I hear him enter.

"Sorry, I really needed to go" He chuckles and all the air leaves my body at once when I recognize that voice.

I lift my eyes slowly fearing that my mind is playing tricks on me now but I'm not mistaken. I find unruly dark copper colored hair and bright gray eyes in front of me. His lips curled in amusement at my lost expression, the same lips that I would hear sweet nothings from every night. He is here! I had lost hope but he is here!

"Hi" He smiles sweetly at me.

 _He is here. He is finally here._

"Christian" I whisper and see him frown.

 _Christian! You found me!_

* * *

 _ **Note:** What do you think? What do you think would happen next?_

 _ **PS:** I took the Bradley name from one of Koala Penguin's stories. If you are there reading, please know your hardcore fans hope you would return one day to FF._


	3. You found me

_NOTE: I hope all of you had a wonderful Christmas. I know all of you wanted this chapter sooner and I'm terribly sorry for the long wait. Finals, essays and then the holidays kept me from finishing this chapter. Adding to that the fact I'm a slow writer who needs to think ten times every word. I hope you can understand and_ _hopefully this chapter won't disappoint you_ _. The next update won't be too long._

 _Also, there have been so many updates in other amazing stories that every time I enter my mail there was a new alert distracting me. Blame them too! ;)_

 _All characters belong to E.L. James_

* * *

 **CHAPTER 3: YOU FOUND ME**

The steam from the shower has clouded the mirror. With my hand, I clean the fog as I stand in front of it, my towel falls and catch my naked reflection in front of me. It still amazes me I'm twenty-one again and inspecting my body makes it more real: perky boobs, flat stomach, small waist and pert behind. Foolishly I always had issues with my body, feeling insecure most of my teenage days and never realize until now I had a nice one.

 _No wonder I landed a rich husband._

Aging and having children makes you appreciate it now. I look at my tummy, there are not stretch marks, and, there isn't any because I don't have my babies with me. I will kill for them now if it meant having Teddy and Phoebe with me, with Christian. I look myself at the mirror one more time and close my eyes to remember that night a week after I gave birth Phoebe when I was doing the same.

 _I look at my body on the mirror and I begin to sob. I know is shallow but I hate my body right now._

" _Ana?" Christian calls me coming to our bedroom. "Phoebe is finally asleep and Teddy…" He stops when he enters the bathroom. "Baby, what's wrong?" He worries and hugs me from behind._

 _I look again and see my beautiful incredibly-hot husband behind me and I sob harder, I'm hideous and I'm going to lose him._

" _Ana" He turns me around to look at him and I find concern in his eyes. "What's wrong?" He asks me again._

" _I look awful" I sob in his chest and close my eyes ignoring I'm naked in his arms._

" _Ana" He sighs and lift my chin with his fingers so I can see his eyes. "No!" He says shocked and wipes my tears. "How can you say that? You are beautiful, stunning and sexy as fuck. You are Aphrodite" He tells me and every word is full of love._

" _I look different now" I cover my face._

" _Baby" He turns me around to look together at the mirror. "What is different? This?" He caresses my belly with his hands. "You carried my babies, you give me the most wonderful gifts in the world and you still look so damn beautiful"_

 _I look at his eyes through the mirror and see the adoration in them._

" _Or you mean these?" He palms both my breast and I gasp. "These feed my daughter and they give her the nutrition she needs" I lean my head in his shoulder as he nuzzles my neck. "Besides I'm more than happy if they get bigger" I smile with my eyes closed reveling in his tender kisses._

" _And I can't wait five more weeks to show you my thoughts about this" He slips his hand between my legs and I gasp._

" _Christian!" I yell his name surprised and he laughs._

 _I can't wait too long either. I turn and kiss him pressing my naked body to him, happy to find him growing in his pajama bottoms. He carries me to bed and we spend that night kissing and saying each other sweet promises of love. That night he spent kissing every inch of my body telling me how beautiful I am, that night I fell more in love with him._

I open my eyes and find myself alone in front of the mirror.

That night I knew how lucky I was that I had found such a wonderful man.

And now, he doesn't know who am I.

 _I've lost my husband._

I grab my bathrobe and wrap it around me, I wash my face and get out of the bathroom to face my poor decisions. When I open the door to my bedroom, I find Faux-Christian the same way I left him here: Laying in my bed.

"Feeling better?" He sits immediately when he sees me at my door and smiles at me.

I can't help smile back and nod. The only thing I can think of right now is _how did we get here?_

* * *

"Christian!" I shout and run to hug him for dear life.

"Okay" He says and stumbles a bit when I crash my body to his but maintains his posture.

It is so nice to hug him, to feel him in my arms and to feel his warm. I nuzzle into his chest but I feel he is tense.

"Uhmmm hello? Lady?" He seems nervous but I don't care. _He is here!_

"Christian you found me" I say into his chest and not containing my joy I lift my head to kiss him.

"Whoa!" He avoids my lips and pushes me lightly to stop me. "What the hell? Is this some kind of prank?" He takes two steps back and frowns in confusion.

"What?" I chuckle nervously not understanding what he means.

He is finally here but at the same time it's like he is not here. The scowl in his lovely face makes me nervous because somehow I know what is going on but I refuse to accept it. I laugh at his expression and take the moment to really see him for the first time in so long. He is not wearing the usual suit for work, instead he is in a pair of black jeans with dressing shoes, a light-blue shirt with a dark blue tie and a dark blazer. His unruly hair is combed to the back and he looks gorgeous. I just want to rip his clothes off and when I walk to him to do so, he steps back again clearly seeing my intentions.

"Could you please stop this?" He is amused but I can see he is uncomfortable as well. "I'm new but I don't think this is how editors welcome new authors" He eyes me curiously.

"Christian…" I'm the one who pleads him to stop this and come to me, to take me in his arms.

The burning sensation on my back and the knots in my stomach are making me feel sick because I'm now realizing what this is. What the confusion in his face is about.

"I'm…" He shakes his head frustrated. "I'm came here to see Noah Gibson who called me yesterday but the woman at the reception told me he is not here yet and you would see me in the meantime" He explains thinking I'm confusing him with someone else.

My world is torn apart as I see my husband in front of me with no sign of recognition.

"Don't you know who am I?" I ask him fighting the tears. Hoping this fear within me is not true.

"No" He shakes his head.

I remember those long hours when Charlie Tango was missing with Christian. Those agonizing hours when I thought I had lost the love of my life. That's how I feel right now. Only this time he is here in front of me, he had returned but at the same time I had lost him.

"Should I?" He deepens the wound and I gasp turning quickly so he doesn't see my tears. "Miss Steele? Are you alright?" I cry silently not letting him see me. I need to think clearly on what to do.

"I'll be right back" I tell him and get out of the room lowering my head. Once outside I run to the restroom, once there, I lock myself and continue crying silently aware that I'm still at work.

"He doesn't know me" I sob.

In my darkest hours, whenever I questioned why Christian hadn't found me yet, I had thought about the possibility of Christian not knowing me but I dismissed it because it was too painful to think about and because I thought our love is stronger than any force that had brought us here. I was wrong.

 _But what do I do know?_

When the sobs stop, I walk to the mirror and see the mess I am right now. _Jesus Christ!_

He clearly doesn't know me so I can't go and pretend he is my Christian and that everything would be fine. Also, he not recognizing me is painful.

 _But not being close to him is more painful still._

Maybe deep down my husband is still there and I can make him remember me. Could it be? If this fucked up situation is teaching me something, it's that anything can happen. The only way to know is to be with him. I've been wishing for him to appear and he finally is here, he found me so I can't let him go away now. There is also the chance that we can start over again. Hope blooms on my chest.

With new resolve, I wash my tears from my face and look at the mirror once more.

 _Shit! I look awful._

I chuckle. When he sees me like this he would run out of here, if he didn't already.

 _Double shit!_

I bolt out of the restroom towards the conference room, first I don't see Christian and panic but when I turn to look at my surroundings I find him looking at the street through the window. I let out a breath relieved making him turn to look at me.

"Are you alright, Miss Steele?" He asks me but stays where he is.

I nod and walk to sit on the chair with my manuscripts.

"Would you be able to continue with this meeting?" He insists and I frown at him.

 _Of course he is only concerned for the meeting._

"Mr…" I close my eyes to stop myself from calling him Mr. Grey. _God this is painful._ "Mr. Bradley" I look at him and extend my arm offering the chair next to me. He is wary first but finally he comes to sit down there.

"I apologize for my behavior. I confused you with someone very dearly who is not with me anymore" I look at his gray eyes and hope he could understand what I mean. He nods but nothing else.

"I hope you would not link my fleeting lack of judgement with the serious work we do here. I will never make you feel uncomfortable ever again and damn sure I will get an appointment with an eye doctor" I try to light the mood.

He laughs and it's such a beautiful sound to hear again.

"That was a helluva apology for a simply hug" He looks right at me and shrugs. "It's cool. I got to hug a pretty lady so…" He cringes. "I mean, not pretty. Not that you are not pretty, beautiful actually. Shit!" He curses under his breath. "What I mean…" He sighs clearly frustrated. "Now I'm the one rambling"

It's my turn to laugh. Nervous Christian, that's something to behold. He laughs with me for a moment and we stare at each other, he brushes his fingers over his mouth and suddenly he frowns.

"Did he look like me?" He asks me.

 _Huh?_

"Who?" I frown in confusion.

"The person you confused me with" I gulp and try not to break down again in front of him.

 _Yes! Christian. He looks like you because you are him._

I move my lips inward and try my best to not show my emotions. It's best if we skip this moment already or I won't be able to keep my promise of not making him uncomfortable.

"Let's go over your novel. Shall we?" I smile sweetly at my husband and it quickly fades when I don't find any love or adoration I'm used to on his eyes. Disappointed, I get his novel.

"Yeah, about that" He sounds apologetic. "I came early to make this quick and not waste more time to Mr. Gibson but I'm not interested in publishing my story"

 _What?!_

"What?!" I frown in confusion. "Why?" It baffles me he wouldn't take this opportunity or well, the chance to an opportunity.

"Because I don't want it published, that's it" He is arrogant and this makes me scowl at him. "I'm sorry for wasting your time Miss Steele but I didn't count on Mr. Gibson to be late. I always teach my students the value of punctuality and frankly, I didn't expect less from a professional" _His students?_ Oh right! He is a teacher. _Wait!_ Christian a teacher?

"You are a teacher" I muse out loud and he scowls at my frown.

"Yes" He sits upright straightening his blazer. "What's wrong with it?"

 _Damn! Did I offend him?_

There is nothing wrong with being a teacher but I can't picture Christian in a room with a bunch of hormone-raging teenagers. He is not exactly the most patient person except with his children and nieces. This last though makes me sad. _He is not Christian, he is Henry._

"What I meant is that as a teacher" I smile at him so he doesn't think much about it. "You would be the first to understand what a great opportunity is to get your book published" I explain but I get the feeling the topic of him being a teacher is an issue that goes beyond this talk.

"I get that and I'm flattered Mr. Gibson got an interest on my story but I simply didn't expect it" He is as ever infuriating.

"Why did you send the manuscript in the first place if you didn't want it published then?" I ask because this man is a mass of contradictions.

"That's the thing" He chuckles. "I didn't send it"

"Who did then?" I don't believe it.

"My sister" He shakes his head smiling at some thought.

 _Mia? Did Mia send it?_

I close my eyes.

 _No idiot! He never was adopted by the Greys._

"Your sister?" I realize it's my chance to get some information from him. I need to know him all over again.

"Yes, but I already handle that" He says before I had the chance to probe more. "Right now I would appreciate dearly if you give me back the only copy of my novel" He points to the manuscript on my hands. "So I can get back to the school before fifth period" He smiles broadly knowing very well this always gets him what he wants.

 _I'm not immune but I know his game._

Two can play this game.

"You could have told Noah all of this over the phone and saved us time, Mr. Bradley" I regain my composure.

"Again I apologize for my part on this but Mr. Gibson was very adamant into have this meeting" He explains.

"So what? You came all over here just to get your novel back?" He nods and I don't buy it. "You could have asked for it to be send to your home, Mr. Bradley" I move my head to one side and bite my lip. His lips part slightly and I can help smile when he clears his throat.

"I didn't know that" He rubs his tights and smiles tightly.

"You know what I think, Mr. Bradley" I lean on the table casually pushing my boobs together and I smile when he really tries not to look at them. "That deep down, you want your story to be published and the world to know Leah's story" I mention the name of her heroine.

This breaks whatever charm I tried to do and he shakes his head.

"No" He tells me.

"Why not?" I just want to understand.

"Look, I wrote this when I was in high school since then I had written better stuff in college. I can send them for you to look over" He glances at the door and I know he is telling me this just to get out of here.

 _NO!_

I need more time with him.

"This is 'the story' right here" I show him his manuscript. I know I'm sounding like a hypocrite but it is a great story, it just needs more… work. _Who am I kidding?_ I just want to be close to him.

I read the synopsis out loud.

"A teenage girl who gets pregnant and runs away from the abuse of her foster home when she is forced to get an abor…" I gasp when I realize what I'm reading. Could it be? I should have read it all.

 _Leah is Ella. This is his mom's story._

I look at him in front of me and stare at his beautiful eyes. He is nervous as if he doesn't want something to be reveal. I scan through the pages and find a chapter that peaked my interest for its title.

" _Unconditional love"_

A bit cheesy, Christian. I chuckle. But I guess that's what your mom gave you no matter what.

 _My wish came true._

"I think I get it now" I smile at him. "I will make sure to be very sensitive at the moment of work with your novel but I will need your cooperation as well" This will ensure me to spend time with him.

"I thought I will be working with Mr. Gibson" He chuckles.

 _Crap! Noah!_

He is right. What should I tell Noah? I need to convince him to swap our authors because… because… because what? I will figure out something besides he will get Buran none the less. _Oh no!_ I look at my husband and shake my head. He is more than worthy. _Good bye editor position!_

"We all work together at SIP. There won't be any problem for me working on your novel" _I hope._ "That way I would make sure it gets the right treatment"

"All sounds great but…" He shakes his head and I know he is struggling with the idea of letting go this opportunity. He wants this! "… it ain't happening" He sentences and extends his arm for me to give him the manuscript.

 _It ain't happening either mister!_

"Why did you come here then, Henry?" I use his first name even though it pains me. He is taken back by my harshness but I don't care.

"I told you, that's the only copy and I want it back" He scowls back.

 _Oh infuriating infuriating man!_

"A simple phone call would have been enough" I tell him back.

"Believe me, I'm regretting not having done so" He mutters.

"Why did you come here even in school hours, huh?" I insist.

I know he wants this but for some reason I haven't discover yet he is refusing. I think Henry Bradley is as troubled as my Christian. No! That can't be.

"There was a nice weather to walk…" Now he is being ridiculous so I cut him off.

"Come on! You want this!" I shout. "Who wouldn't?"

"I wouldn't. I'm not an ambitious person Miss Steele" He explains and he couldn't be more different than my husband. This angers me.

"Why did you come here then?!" I ask again more forceful this time.

"I already told you…" He says exasperated.

"No bullshit, the truth. You already are wasting our time so we deserve the truth" I try to guilt him about it.

"I needed to be here! Okay?!" He tells me finally and I keep silence. "For some strange reason I can't decipher, I have this feeling that I should be here as if I was looking for something and I would find it here"

He looks directly into my eyes and for a very little, tiny, even microscopic moment I see recognition in his eyes and I think he knows who I am. Once again, all the air leaves my body and hope begins to swell on my chest.

"What did you need to find?" I ask full of hope.

 _He needed to be here to find me._

He looks at me for a moment and just shrugs. "My novel obviously" He tells me.

My hope jumps through the window and dive right into the concrete.

"Obviously" I mumble sulkily and finally give the manuscript to him, more like throw the manuscript at him.

In that moment, before he had the chance to pick it, Noah comes barreling through the door.

"Mr. Bradley! Thank God you are still here" Noah says agitated.

"Barely. I was actually leaving" He stands up and picks the manuscript.

"NO!" Noah and I shout at the same time.

I take the moment to snatch the novel from his hands and ignoring his scowl, I walk to the door to push Noah out.

"Pleas wait a sec, Mr. Bradley. We will be right back" I smile sweetly and close the door when he rolls his eyes in frustration. I pull Noah away from the door.

"He wants to leave? What happened?" Noah asks me.

"It was a lost case since the beginning Noah. He came here with no intention of publishing his book" I tell him and see him frown in confusion. "He just came here to have his manuscript back" I wave it in front of him.

"Freaking hell!" He pulls his hair.

"I've spent the whole time trying to convince him to work with us" _With me actually._

"Thank you, Ana. I appreciate you keeping him this long, I would go talk to him now" He walks but I pull him before he reaches the door.

"Let's swap authors" I blurt out and he whips his head to look at me in disbelieve.

"What?!" He scowls.

"You take Buran. I mean… Carlton Banks! His book is amazing and you will have very little to edit" I tell him sincerely.

"The dude from the fresh prince of Bel-Air?" He says and I can't help to chuckle but he is still scowling at me. "Why?!"

"Because…" I try to come out with something. "Because…" _I had finally found my husband and I don't want to lose him again._ I can't say that. "Because I've already dealt with him and I think I can close the deal if you let me. He is very stubborn and believe me, you wouldn't want to work with him" I try to be the most honest so he can see it in my face.

"And you would?" He asks me and the change in his demeanor is one of suspicion. I nod. "You, who had been criticizing the English teacher from the start would not only work with him for me but give me your 'golden author'" I nod again and now that I hear it, I would be suspicious too. "You think I'm an idiot?" He accuses me and I gasp. _Where did the nice guy go?_

"No! Noah!" I exclaim indignantly.

I can't believe it. I'm going to kill him! I'm offering him an A-list author and he… well… he has no idea who Buran is… I sigh. He is right in distrusting me.

"After reading the manuscript" He takes the document from my hands. "You realized this a much better story than Bank's so now you want it. Well, I'm keeping it and I'm going to secure this author" He walks into the conference room and close the door before I can say anything else.

 _Damn it, Noah!_

Why do I keep finding stubborn men in my life? I don't care what Noah says, I'm sticking with Christian… I mean, Henry's story. Whenever Noah had a meeting with him, I will sneak into it just to spend time with my husband.

After five minutes of me pacing outside the door because I couldn't hear anything through it, Christian opens it and finds me leaning on a wall waiting for them. He looks annoyed even angry. He stares at me for a moment and gives me a nod as goodbye. I watch him walk away and I'm scared it would be the last time.

 _What the hell? What happened?_

Noah comes out looking defeated and I panic, he didn't convince him.

"I blew it, he didn't want to work with me" He sighs.

 _No! he can't go away, I just found him._

"I will bring him back" I stomp out of there determined to find my husband. I'm not going to lose him.

I don't find him in the lobby and Claire is quick to tell me 'the hot guy' left when she sees me looking for him. I reach outside afraid he had disappeared one more time from my life and walk to the corner. I don't need to walk too long before a voice stops me in my tracks.

"You are following me?" I hear him calling me.

I turn around and find him leaning on the wall of an alley smoking a cigarette.

 _SMOKING?!_

"Are you smoking?!" I shout in dismay and walk to him to take the disgusting thing out of his beautifully-sculptured lips and throw it away.

"Hey! That brand is expensive!" He shouts back and walks to the lit cigarette on the floor and grinds it with his foot.

When he pulls a cigarette pack from his blazer to take another one, I reach out and take the small package from him and he groans.

"Why do you smoke?" Has he forgot about his asthma?

"I only smoke when I'm stressed. I need one now" He extends his hand for me to give him the package back.

"Please could you stop for a moment?" I ask him in a softer tone.

He nods and I give him the small box back which he saves in his pocket.

"You didn't give too much of a chance to Noah, do you?" I ask and he laughs.

"There are kids in my classes that look much older than him" He snorts. "But that was not the point. It's obvious this is the kid's first job and he was desperate. He even had the 'brilliant' idea of turning my story into a sick teenage romance novel" He waves his arms at the ridiculous idea.

 _You did blow it Noah._

"Fine, forget Noah. Work with me!" I tell him and he is serious now. "What can I do to convince you to take this opportunity?"

 _I know of something I can do… ughh focus Ana!_

"I don't know" He sighs. "I have to admit I wrote it because I wanted to honor all the brave young women who fight every day for their children…"

He is talking about his mom.

"You will…" I encourage him.

"But there is darkness there too" For the way he looks at me, I know for sure he is keeping something. "I'm not sure of sharing it with other people"

"What about all the young women your story will inspire" He frowns at me in confusion. "There are young girls out there to whom life hasn't been fair but they are still fighting. This story would show them there is a happy ending even in the darkest moments" He huffs and I scowl at him.

"The last thing a girl in a situation like that would do is to buy a book about the struggle she is already into" He waves his head and he is so condescending that I want to slap him.

"But we can raise awareness asshole!" I shout and he is perplexed for a moment and that keeps his mouth shut. "What about this? All the profit from the book could go to an organization or several ones that work with girls at risk and poor small families" I tell him and take a mental note for a possible marketing strategy. "From the top of my mind, I can think of Coping Together" I mention the organization in which I helped organizing charity funds with Grace.

He chuckles and I'm about to punch him but he shocks me when he says the next.

"I always donate to that organization" He smiles and I think my jaw hit the floor.

"You do?" I know it is a coincidence, but could it be fate that at some point he was close to the Grey's?

"Yes" He smiles fondly. "Thanks to that organization my mom was able to go to college"

I can't help smile with him and in this moment, I'm hopeful that somehow everything would be in its place soon. It must be destiny that in one moment of his life he was linked to the Grey's and now that we can be together again, we can be close to them as well.

"My fiancé and I donate every year grateful of what they did for us" He nods.

"What?" I chuckle because I think I heard him wrong. There is no way he said what I heard.

"They helped us so we try to gather enough money to support them every year" He explains but that's not what I hear wrong.

"No, no" I shake my head ignoring the prickle in my scalp. "What you said about you and…" I can't say it.

"My fiancé?" He finishes what I try to say and I gasp at his words.

 _This is not happening. No, no, no._

"You are engaged?" I whisper taking a step back and leaning into the other wall of the alley for equilibrium. Right now, everything is spinning around me.

"Yes" He nods. "Well, it's a bit complicated but hopefully we will get marry soon" He smiles.

I feel numb. This is not happening, it can't be. I had just got him back and he is… engaged?! To whom?

"Are you alright? You look pale" He looks at me concerned.

"I'm fine" I lie because I feel like I'm dying. "Who…?" I'm about to ask him about this supposed fiancé when I'm interrupted by a beeping sound.

He rolls his sleeve revealing a cheap Casio digital watch instead of the expensive Rolex I'm used to. _He is not my Christian._

"I need to get back to the school, are you sure you are fine?" He asks me one more time and I nod not able to respond to him. He looks sad for a moment and gives me a small smile. "I'm truly sorry for wasting your time Miss Steele but…" He pauses and puts a hand over his messenger bag where surely he has the manuscript. "… I need to rethink a lot of stuff first. Good bye" He walks away.

I watch him go and I don't have words or wit to make him stay. I'm broken in this moment. The man I love is engaged to another woman who probably loves him as much as he loves her. I begin to sob at the thought. Why did this have to happen to us? I had just found him but had I already lost him? This time for real, I had no chance to get my family back.

"Good bye Christian" I cry harder and cover my face with my hands.

* * *

I walk up the stairs to my apartment dragging my spirit behind me. Since Christian left me in the alley, I went back to my zombie-like state. Thankfully everyone was busy at the office to ask what was wrong with me, even Noah who spent the day sulking at his desk. I have this feeling everything is lost and now I just want to drown in my self-pity, at least for what is left of the day.

When I reach my door, I see it's open and I immediately panic. I slowly push the door afraid there is a burglar inside but what I found are Kate, Jose and our friend Levi, who is a fellow English student and Kate's usual photographer in her student newspaper. They are unpacking crates in the middle of the living room.

"Surprise!" Kate yells when she notices me standing at the door frame. Jose and Levi greet me with a smile and I just give them a meekly one.

 _Why are they here?_

I thought Kate agreed in moving after graduation. I wasn't expecting them to show early and after the day I had, I didn't want company. Kate must see my expression and she begins to explain while Jose and Levi are installing the TV.

"I thought you might be feeling lonely so I ask the strongest men on campus to help me move my stuff and the things you left" She smiles at the guys. Jose rolls his eyes and Levi gives her a goofy grin.

I look around and notice most of our stuff here, they look odd in the converted warehouse but then I remember I didn't spent too much time here before marrying Christian so of course they feel alien.

 _Christian._

My mood sinks again and the little excitement I had to see my best friend again is pummeled, still though I go to hug her and she hugs me back.

"I'm glad you are here, I missed you Kate" I tell her truthfully.

"And me?" Jose asks and I go to hug him as well and then Levi.

"Yeah, you too guys" I tell them and see Jose frown. I ignore him. "But I thought you will be coming after the graduation" I say to Kate.

"That was the plan but then I thought I could come here to drag you to the ceremony" She walks to me and shakes my shoulder.

"Kate!" I groan. "I don't know if I can skip work to go to Portland, I had just started and I kind of blew it today" My lip quivers and Kate frowns concerned. "I would just ask my diploma to be send through the mail"

"Surely they would let you go to your graduation" Levi quips and I sigh.

I frown at him and he submissively goes back to his task. Suddenly, I have the feeling someone is missing here. _Elliot! Oh God no!_ I look at Kate and she is oblivious to my thoughts. I'm not only screwing my family but also hers. _Would she even meet Elliot at some point?_

"You had work too hard in college, you deserve to go to your graduation ceremony" Jose tells me but I'm too concerned by my friend's future that I don't pay attention to him.

"We will talk about that later" Kate speaks and then goes to pick her jacket. "But now you are already here, we can go to celebrate Ana's job, our new apartment and whatever other reason for drinking" She laughs.

"Hell yeah!" Levi shouts and walks to the door with Kate followed by Jose.

"You go" I say and stay in the middle of the living room. "I don't feel like going out" I turn to walk to my bedroom and hear the guys groan.

"Ana!" Kate calls me. "We want to go out with you. We are here to see you" She frowns.

"I had a shitty day and I don't want anything else than go to bed" I lie. If I tell them my real plan, they won't leave.

"What a better reason to drink than to forget a shitty day" Levi says and I scowl at him.

 _Someone has to tell this dude to shut up._

"Ana" Kate pleads.

"Please Kate, I just want to be alone" My voice breaks.

"Guys, go to the bar we see earlier. I will go soon" She tells them and they nod, leaving us alone in our apartment.

She turns to me and she looks so sad.

"Please tell me what is going on so I can help you" She walks to me and seems hurt.

"There is nothing wrong" _Only my husband doesn't know me and he is engaged to another woman._ "I just want to turn in early" I shrug.

"Please Ana, you can tell me anything. I promise you I would understand and not judge. Don't you trust me?" She pleads and wipes a tear from her face with her hand.

 _I can't tell her; she would think I'm crazy._

"Of course I trust you Kate. You are my best friend" I'm making her miserable as well.

"Then why are you shutting me out!" She shouts and it startles me. "You said you missed me but you never called me and when I did, you barely spoke two minutes with me. You are not like this, this… miserable" She tells me and I feel the tears running through my cheeks. "You are not the happy, witty, kind Ana I've met. I'm worried something is eating you and turning you into a shell of my Ana… and I'm not able to help because you don't let me" Her voice breaks.

I want to tell her everything, I really want to but I'm afraid that saying it out loud would make it more real than before. I hold tight my purse on my shoulder and feel the item I'm hiding there.

"Please just leave me alone" I mumble and she gasps.

I can't see her; I can't see the pain I'm putting her through.

"Fine. There is little I can do at this point" She mutters. "Let's see if Ray can talk you out of this state when I call him tomorrow to come here" She says and turns to walk away. I stare at her in shock.

 _What?! Ray?! My dad?!_

She wouldn't dare! I'm about to prohibit her from doing so but she shuts the door close and leaves me finally alone.

I cover my face with my hands and groan in them. I'm dragging more and more people into this fucked up situation. The clink sound of a bottle reminds me of what I have in my purse and I walk to the kitchen.

There, I sit down on a chair and pull a bottle of whisky out of my purse over the table in front of me. In my way here, I ran into a drunk passed out on the streets and it remind me that I passed out too after I asked my wish that day. It is stupid I know, but if I drink myself into oblivion I might wake up in real life where everything is fine and I have my family with me. I grab a glass from the cupboard and open the bottle. Desperate times call for desperate measures.

I take a sip and quickly spit it out. _Argggg… how can Christian drink this thing?_

 _Maybe if I mix it with some coke._

Half a bottle later, I still haven't passed out but the room is definitely spinning around me when I stand up from the kitchen table and walk, more like stagger, to the living room. I throw my purse over the coffee table and them throw myself on one of the couches and continue drinking from the bottle, I didn't find another can of soda so I quickly forgot to use a glass.

I search around the crates in the living room for the TV's remote to create some noise but instead I find a large cardboard box hid behind the crate where the TV came. I grab it and it's very light and it is addressed to me. _Probably Kate received earlier and forgot to tell me._ I open it and inside are two dozen long-stemmed, white roses and a card. For a moment, I think is Christian who sent it but when I read the card, I soon discover they are from the wrong Christian.

 _Congratulations on your wonderful start at work._

 _I only hear praise when I ask about you._

 _I hope everything is well._

 _Christian._

This is not how it supposed to go, my real-Christian was supposed to send me these beautiful roses. He was the one supposed to be pursuing me, I'm the only woman he chased. _Remember Christian?_

I scowl at the card.

 _And why Faux-Christian is asking about me?_ I thought I had made things clear the last time I saw him. I can't lead him on like this, I need to set him right. I try to reach for my purse but lose balance and fall on my knees before grabbing it. _Ouch!_

"That is going to hurt in the morning" I mumble while searching for my phone but because of my drunken state, I can't find it so I empty my purse on the coffee table and all my stuff scatter around. Then I see my phone. _Bingo!_

I find his number from the last time I called him to arrange the photoshoot and dial.

"Anastasia?" He answers on the second ring.

"Hello, Mr. Grey" I slur the words. "I thought I made it clear it was best if we not see each other anymore"

There is silent for a moment. "And yet you call me" He answers back. "And we are not seeing each other more like hearing each other"

 _Oh he has a smart mouth!_ I hear him chuckle.

"You know what I mean!" I snap angrily. "I got your roses. What's up with that? You weren't supposed to send me roses. My Christian should be"

"What are you talking about?" He mutters.

"And what's that about you asking about me at work? I told you not to interfere with my career" I accuse him.

"I just wondered how you were doing at your first day and I asked. Nothing else. I thought the roses would be a lovely detail" He is back with his honesty.

"But that's not how it's supposed to be" I whine. "You are stealing precious moments from my Christian, the real-Christian, not you, you already stole his family, his life and now you want to steal… me!" I don't know if what I'm saying is making any sense.

"Ok enough!" He says exasperated. "I was trying to ignore it but it's clear you are way past drunk. Where are you?"

I ignore him. "And now he is marrying someone else" I cry. _I'm pathetic._

"Ana, listen me!" He calls me. "How much did you drink?" I look at the now almost empty bottle.

"A little" I mumble pathetically.

"Don't lie to me. Do you do this often?" He sounds angry.

"No" I whine. "I was just trying to pass out so I can go back with my family" I try to explain my plan to him. _My brilliant plan._

"For Christ's sake!" He mutters. "Where are you?"

 _I want to go_ … "Home" I mumble.

"Are you alone? Do you have someone close who can go check on you?" He asks me sounding anxious.

"What's with all the questions?" I'm getting annoyed. "Look, Faux-Christian" I call him for the name I give him. "Just leave me alone"

"Ana!" He shouts but I hang up. _I think that went well._ Hopefully, now he would back off.

I reach for the bottle to finish drinking it and a loud banging comes from the front door. _Who would be this late?_ I walk a bit unsteadily to see through the peep-hole and find Jose on the other side.

"What are you doing here? I thought you were with Kate" I open the door.

"Yeah, I was bored" He slurs the words and notice he is drunk too. "I missed you" He hugs me hard and I try to push him but he is stronger than me.

"Jose" I say his name annoyed and push him harder. He finally relents with a frown but he is still holding my arms.

"Why are you like this with me?" He grips my arms harder when I try to leave his hold. "You are so cold to me when you know I like you so much" He holds me close to him and he is leaning more and more to me.

 _Oh God no! Not this again._

I thought stopping being too friendly with Jose would save this unpleasant memory but it seems I was wrong. Suddenly he has a hand on my waist, another at the nape of my neck and he tries to kiss me. _NO!_ I move my head but he is holding it in place and I start to panic. _I don't want this._

"Yes, you do" He murmurs against my lips.

I try to stay calm and remember years of practice on personal defense but he is holding me and he is strong, being drunk doesn't help either. I try to step back a little and when he stumbles a bit I stomp hard with my heel on his foot causing him to groan in pain and just for luck, I kick him on his shin.

"Fuck, Ana!" He stumbles back and cringe in pain.

"What the fuck is wrong with you?!" I shout. "You can't kiss me" _Only Christian._

"Christian?" He scowls. _Huh? Did I say that out loud?_ "Yes!" He shouts answering to my question and I see how his eyes turn from hurt to anger in a split of a second.

"I'm too drunk that I'm saying what I'm thinking" I mumble. This time aware that my lips are moving.

"So it is Grey huh?" He spits out. "You don't want anything with me because you want a chance with the millionaire? Is it his money?" Every word is full of venom that I gasp.

"What is wrong with you?!" I shout at him. "I'm not even going to reply to that. Get the fuck out of here!" I point to the door which is still open but when he doesn't seem to move at all I try to push him.

He moves to a side and I stumble falling on my knees, he takes advantage of this and pins me on the floor with his body over me. I'm scared for a moment of what he is going to do but he is just staring at me so I push him and struggle to get out but he pins my arms above my head.

"Get off me, Jose!" I scream and begin to kick him but he has me immobilized.

"Please Ana give me a chance" He murmurs and in this moment, I don't recognize him, it's like he is in trance.

"No! Get out!" I scream.

"I can be good to you Ana" He kiss my neck and I continue kicking my feet under him. _This is not happening, this is not happening!_

"No!" I cry out and shut my eyes. Suddenly, Jose's heavy weight is lifted from me.

"Get off from her!" I hear someone shout and I open my eyes.

Faux-Christian is standing over me looking concerned for me. He kneels next to me and is about to touch me but I sit up abruptly crawling away from him afraid. Soon the concern is replaced by raw fury and he walks to where he threw Jose.

"I'm going to teach you to respect women, motherfucker!" He grabs Jose by the shirt and punches him on the face.

"Fuck off!" Jose mumbles when Christian's fist land on his face. He tries to hit him back but Christian takes him down more forcefully each time.

"Stop!" I shout afraid Faux-Christian is going to kill him. "Christian! Stop!"

"What the fuck?!" I hear a man shout from the door and I find Elliot standing in the frame. _Elliot! He is here, why?!_ He turns to see me and frowns, I realize I'm still talking out loud. I don't care.

"Elliot! Stop him!" I shout and he nods. He reaches for Faux-Christian and pulls him. Jose lays there groaning in pain.

"Are you out of your mind, Christian?" Elliot shakes him.

"He attacked her" He tells him and tries to kick Jose one more time but Elliot holds him back before he does it.

Elliot looks Jose then me and must see the state I am because he smiles gently at me. "Go check on her, I would deal with this" He releases Faux-Christian and he walks to me more warily this time.

"How are you? Did he hurt you?" He kneels one more time in front of me and I can see the anxiety on his face.

"No. I'm just scared" I shake my head. "I just don't want to see him ever again!" I bark at Jose, who Elliot is pushing against the wall now.

Faux-Christian chuckles. "There you are" He smiles at me. "Come, stand up!" He stands up first and helps me.

But when he pulls me from the floor, everything becomes a blur.

"Ana?" I hear Kate at the door but my vision is affected and I begin to see everything double. Soon all the room begins to spin uncontrollably and I'm about to fall but Christian catches me.

"Ana!" He calls me but I choose to keep falling.

Finally I would go to my family, to Teddy, to Phoebe, to…

"Christian" I mumble before everything goes dark.

* * *

The morning light coming from the window wakes me up… again. I sit up straight to look at my surroundings but I'm still in 2011. Disappointed, I flop back to the bed. _My plan didn't work._ It was stupid to think it would.

My head hurts.

My knees hurt.

Everything hurt. _Uggghh I feel like I was beaten._

Then I remember the events from last night. _Jose._ What was wrong with him? I know he was drunk but that is no excuse for what he did. I don't know what would had happened if Faux-Christian didn't come at the right time.

I hear noise from the kitchen and I imagine Kate struggling to prepare something there. _Shit! Would Jose be there?_ I certainly don't want to see him ever again. I remember Kate coming yesterday before I passed out so hopefully she would throw him away for good.

I walk to the kitchen and instead of Kate, I find Faux-Christian there preparing breakfast. He is dressed in a white shirt unbuttoned at the neck with the sleeves rolled and black suit-pants. He doesn't notice me yet so I don't hesitate and just walk to hug him from behind. He gasps when I press my body to him.

"Thank you" I tell him sincerely pressing my cheek on his back. The explanations for the why's, who's, when's will come later. In this moment, I'm just grateful he was here. He sighs and I feel him relaxing in my arms, for a moment, I relax too embracing this moment. I guess this is what he does, he calms me.

He turns to me and I give him some space, he looks at me with a sweet smile. This morning his beautiful eyes are a shade of greenish brown and his light stubble only makes him look more hot. With a gentle hand, he catches a loose strand of my hair and puts it behind my ear, I smile at this sweet gesture. I look at his lips.

Today I'm not afraid if he kisses me, I'm only afraid that I would kiss him back with the same fervor.

He must know what I'm thinking because he chuckles and when he brushes his fingers on my cheek, he says the only thing could break this moment. "You look like crap" His eyes dance with wicked mirth.

 _What?!_

I gape at him in shock but I can't help it and erupt in laughter, very un-lady like cathartic laughter and he soon joins me.

"That wasn't very gentlemanly" I tell him leaning in the kitchen counter opposed to him. _Although, I do feel like crap._

"I never claim to be a gentleman" He laughs. "I did breakfast though" He points to the table where are a plate with toasts and coffee. I smile at him. "I mean. It's not fancy but still, it should give me points" I giggle.

"A bowl of cereal would have been enough"

"I tried" He shows me the mess he did trying to open the box of cereal and the milk. _Oh God, I will have to clean that._

"Thank you" I mumble before I turn. "I will go shower so I don't look like crap" I scowl at him and walk back to my bedroom but I hear him following me. "Where are you going?"

"I want to see the pretty girl's bedroom" He grins and enters my room. I shake my head when he flops back on my bed. "Wow" He says it like a teenage boy and I can't help giggling.

"You didn't bring me here last night?" I ask him nervously.

"No" He sits up and looks at me serious. "Your friend Kate did. My brother and I were busy dealing with the sleezeball"

 _Right Kate! Where is she?_ I frown, I guess she is still mad at me for the way I treat her.

"Before you go all judgy on your friend" He must see my expression. "She looked over you the whole night worried you could choke or something" I grimace. "I think she slept here with you, Elliot and I found her tired when we came back earlier. It was hard to convince her to go out and have breakfast so I promise to look at you and finally she agreed to go with Elliot"

 _Kate and Elliot! Oh thank you God! I hope they will be fine._

"Kate is a wonderful friend" I find myself praising her. I need to apologize to her but before she comes, I need to go back to my normal self. I reach for my bathrobe but before going to the bathroom, I turn to look at Faux-Christian.

"Why did you come here last night?" I ask him aware I called him but still he didn't need to come.

"Are you seriously going to berate for coming here to see you?" He chuckles. "After what happened?"

"No!" I sigh. "Sorry that came out wrong. I'm glad you came but for the way I treated you, I think I didn't deserve you taking care of me" He smiles gently at me and I ignore the fact, he has his shoes over my bed.

"It was clear you were heavily intoxicated and I was worried something would happen to you. I wasn't wrong, was I?" He waves his hand around. I close my eyes.

"I'm sorry for calling you, I was drunk and I wasn't thinking clearly. It isn't fair I'm dragging you into my fucked-up life. I'm just causing you more troubles…" I try to apologize but he stops me.

"No, you are not" He shakes his head. "I told you once, I care about you. I care about you a lot. This last week, I haven't stop thinking of you" I'm taken back by his words. "I want to be able to be there every time you need me, hopefully that fucker won't show up anymore" He scowls.

"What happened to Jose?" I asked unsure of wanting to know.

"I wanted to call the police" I frown. _No! that would mean I should do a statement._ "But my brother Elliot told me not to since it would cause me more problems because I beat the crap out of the sleezeball. We were thinking on what to do when your friend Kate came from your bedroom where she took you and kicked him on the nuts" He laughs.

"She did?" I ask astonished.

"Yeah!" He nods and laughs. "It was so sudden that even Elliot and I winced in pain. Your friend is so…" He shakes his head. "… badass. She threw him out of the apartment and screamed at him to stay away from you. He was so scared of her I think he would obey but still we should have called the police. What if he does something like that again to someone else?" He is worried.

"I'm sure you would put someone to check on him and make sure he doesn't" I tell him with a tight smile and he looks at me surprised by what I said but then he smiles back. "You already did, don't you?" He smirks.

"How is it that you know me so well already?" He chuckles.

 _Because you are a lot like my Christian._

I frown, I haven't thought about Christian since I wake up. Right now, he probably is waking up next to his fiancé oblivious to what I've been through. It's time for a reality check, _he is not coming back._

"Hey!" He says worried by my expression. "Go shower. You will be feeling better and…" He looks around. "I will be able to snoop around your stuff" I laugh and he grins.

"Don't you dare!" I exclaim. "You know what? Go to the living room!" I point the door and he pouts. He knows how to be cute. "I need to shower and get ready to work"

"You are going to work?" He exclaims surprised.

"Yes" I say the obvious thing. "It's already late but thankfully Hillary told me yesterday she was coming late today so I won't be in much trouble"

"I was hoping we could go out and have breakfast together" He smiles shyly and my heart swells. It's so tempting but I still haven't figured out what to do with him. I can't.

"I have to go to work" I shake my head and he pouts again. I laugh. "But you can stay here while I shower" I say and he begins to clap his hands excitedly and I laugh at his ridiculousness. He is such a goof. "You are a dork" I giggle.

"I just want to make you laugh" He says sincerely. "It's my life mission to change that frown you have every time I see you and hear that lovely giggle" He says the right thing and I forget about all my problems. I want to climb on that bed with him but I shake my head at my wayward feelings. I should leave before I do something I regret later.

"I'll be right back, Christian" I say his name this time really meaning it and not feeling bad at all.

* * *

After my shower, there was no pout Christian could make that let him stay in my room while I change. _No way!_ So begrudgingly he went to wait for me in the living room. Once I was ready in my brown skirt and cream sweater, he puts his tie and jacket and offered to take me to work which I happily accepted. I have to admit I'm getting comfortable with him and even enjoying his company. When we go outside, Jason is waiting for us in an Audi SUV and I suppress my squeal and my reaction to hug him. _I must play it cool._ I just smile sweetly at him when he greets me, happy to see him.

We are now in our way to SIP. Christian and I are stealing glances at each other through the drive. There is comfortable silence and I can't help smiling at him.

"What are your plans for your graduation?" He asks me.

"I'm not planning to go. I don't think I can skip work" I tell him the same I told Kate.

"I can help with that" He smirks and I frown. _How can he help…?_ My eyes widen in realization.

"No, Christian! Don't you dare!" I don't want him to interfere anymore. "I won't be going and stay away from my work please"

"It's your graduation Ana. You have to go. I'm doing a speech at the ceremony and I thought…" He seems nervous. "That you could come with me. I was supposed to leave earlier but we can go after your finish work" He grins.

"I don't know" I hesitate. Another thing that it wasn't supposed to be like this. "I will think about it. Can I give you an answer later?" I thought this would be a calmer day.

"Sure" He nods. "Just to help you decide. We can take my company's helicopter" I gasp and he grins wickedly. Probably that's the reaction he wanted.

 _Could it be too much of a coincidence?_

"Do you pilot it?" I ask in true wonder.

"No" He snorts a laugh. "That would be ridiculous. What makes you think that?" He laughs at the odd idea. _I guess flying was my husband's true passion._

"I thought of ask" I shrug and he shakes his head.

We arrive at SIP and Christian goes out first then helps me. We stand outside the entrance for a moment.

"I hope you agree to come with me to Portland, that graduation would be a lot less boring with you there" He smirks.

I notice his tie is a bit loose so I reach out to fix it. When I finish, he keeps staring at me amazed and I just smile at him. _I've been doing this every morning for six years Christian only it was a different Christian._

"Thank you" He strokes my cheek with the back of his hand and leans close. He is looking at my mouth and I know he is wants to kiss me.

 _I don't know what to do._

It would feel wrong to kiss another man who isn't Christian, my real-Christian. But at the same time, I want to. It is confusing. He looks at my eyes, for what? Permission? _Do I want this?_ I think… I think… I think I do. I can't help feeling guilty so I look around to see if someone is watching us and from the corner of my eye, I catch a figure leaning on the building. I give a better look and my body freeze.

 _Oh my God! What am I doing?!_

"Christian…" I call him.

"What?" Faux-Christian tells me confused by my reaction. I look at him and take a step back. "I mean…" I shake my head. "Henry!" I call my husband who is leaning on the building and walk to him leaving Faux-Christian behind.

My Christian, my real-Christian waves awkwardly at me and smiles. He is wearing a long black coat and blue jeans.

"Hey" I stand in front of him hoping he didn't see anything. "What are you doing here?"

"I was looking for you but the receptionist told me you weren't here. I was leaving when I saw you arriving with…" He stops and looks behind me. _He was looking for me?_ I can't help grin goofily at him but when I follow his eyes to look behind me, my grin quickly fades when I see a dead-serious Faux-Christian staring at him. _Oh crap!_

Both men assess each other not saying a word and I think my heart stops for a moment.

 _This is just getting better and better._

* * *

 _NOTE: I wish all of you a Happy New Year. I hope 2017 brings only good things in your lives. Please! If you celebrate and drink, don't drive. :)_

 _One more thing, please leave a review. Reading your thoughts are the best thing when I'm feeling low. Can't wait for each alert. :) Tell me what you think about this chapter. I will see you next year!_


	4. Graduation

_A/N: I always forget to say this but this is the right time to do it. Thank you so much for your reviews and PM's. Thank you so much for follow and favorite this little attempt of mine at writing. I only got support from you and that's awesome considering how shitty I'm in updating. Being a grown up sucks and sadly my first ever job is taking all of my time. Also, I posted a ONE-SHOT story that I did for the glittery challenge, if you want to go and read it that would be great! Again I'm amazed by all the good wishes you write in the reviews, thank you. I will try my best in reciprocate and keep updating. Love you guys!_

 _All characters belong to E.L. James_

* * *

 **CHAPTER 4: _GRADUATION_**

 _This is weird. Right?_

Of course, it is! This is monumentally weird as in taken from a scene of a X-File's episode or that series Kate used to watch, Fringe.

 _This is fucked up and I'm in the middle.  
_  
My Real-Christian aka Henry is standing in front of Faux-Christian. Both men are assessing each other without uttering a single word. I see Faux-Christian looking at Henry as if he is trying to remember where does he know him?

 _Does he know him?  
_  
I look at my husband and find him looking at me expectantly.

 _Huh? What does he want?  
_  
He frowns at me and then sighs.

"Hi, my name is Henry Bradley" He extends his hand to greet Faux-Christian but he just stares at it.

 _Shoot! He wanted me to introduce him.  
_  
But what do I say? Honey I would love you to meet the guy who stole your life because the idiot of your wife made a stupid wish. I can't say that.

"Where are my manners?" I slap my forehead. "Christian I would like you to meet Henry Bradley, he is a new author we are trying to convince to publish with SIP" I tell Faux-Christian. He probably is going to find out anyway because he bought the damn company. After a moment, he finally shakes Henry's hand.

"Nice to meet you" He mutters.

"Henry, he is Christian Grey" I tell Henry and look at his lovely face for any sign of recognition at the name but nothing. _That hurts_. The next thing comes out of my mouth innocently. "He is just a _**friend** _ who gave me a ride to work"

 _Well not so innocently._ I had to explain out of guilt so Henry would not think any of what Faux-Christian and I were doing and even though I don't dare to look at him, I can feel the whole at the side of my head Faux-Christian is doing with his eyes.

"Nice to meet you, Mr. Grey" Henry says very cordial and pulls his hand out of his hold after an awkward shake.

 _Oh my God! This is so weird!  
_  
"I didn't mean to interrupt you" Henry says apologetic and looks at both of us. "I can wait inside or return in another moment" He is way too offering and he is offering...me!

 _NO! Fight for me! Asking him to leave! Punch him for stealing your life... ugh what am I thinking?  
_  
"No!" I almost shout. "Mr. Grey is actually leaving so we can talk inside" He came here to see me so he was looking for me again and I need to find if he has changed his mind.

"Right? Mr. Grey" I ask Faux-Christian pleading with my eyes that he goes along with me but I find hurt in his eyes, hurt and confusion. Quickly he composes himself and stares at me without any emotion.

"Right..." He says in a clipped tone. "Good bye Mr. Bradley. _Miss Steele_ " He hisses my name and nods retrieving to his car.

I feel remorseful and a part of me wants to stop him and explain everything but I'm forcing myself to believe there is nothing between us. Soon, his car is gone.

 _I'm sorry.  
_  
"That was weird. Are you dating that guy?" My Real-Christian says.

"No! We aren't dating! There is nothing going on between us" I quickly explain desperately and Henry cocks his head with a smirk.

"I didn't mean to be spying on you but I saw you both arrive and I saw how he looked at you. You might be not dating but he clearly wants you and you..."

"You got it wrong!" I interrupt him. "He only gave me a ride"

 _And save me when you weren't there.  
_  
"If you said so" He shrugs and now I'm angry.

"Why are you here?!" I snap and change the topic before he continues making wrong assumptions. It hurts and angers me that he is not jealous.

 _He is not Christian.  
_  
He is taken back for my tone and sighs.

"I want to talk to you about publishing my book" He looks down.

"You changed your mind?" I ask hopeful.

"Kind of" He looks at me. "It's more like a... compromise"

 _Compromise? Compromise!  
_  
My head repeats the word that sound so familiar if only it was familiar to him.

"Do you know what it means to compromise, don't you?" He adds sarcastically after I stare at him in silence for a moment.

 _Yes, Christian. I do. I sent you the definition by e-mail once. Don't you remember?  
_  
A goofy grin appears in my face but then he frowns so I quickly turn serious and clear my throat.

"Compromise" I repeat the word. "Yes, it sounds familiar" I smile. "We can do that, why don't we go upstairs instead of having this conversation in the middle of the street" I wave to the doors and he nods following me.

After asking to Claire if the conference room is free and she ignored me in order to bat her eyelashes at Christian, she tells me it's free so we go to the room and I excuse myself to go to my desk for a moment.

While I'm leaving my stuff at my desk and picking my notepad for my second chance with Christian... I mean Henry, Noah comes behind me startling me.

"Why is Mr. Bradley doing here?" He says and I jump squealing.

"Don't ever do that again!" I admonish him.

"Sorry but I saw you coming with Bradley" He says and looks in the direction of the conference room.

 _So now he is talking with me._ I sigh.

"He came here to talk with me" I emphasize the last word to make abundantly clear I don't want him around the meeting. I can't help to feel a bit angry towards him after yesterday.

"I figured that as much" He smiles sadly. "Look, I actually came here to apologize for my behavior yesterday. I realize now that all you did was helping me but I not only blew my chance with Bradley but also blew our friendship. I'm sorry" When he finishes he takes a small chocolate from his pocket and gives it to me.

"To sweet your day" He smiles and he is back to the kind Noah I met at the beginning.

"I still not letting you go into that meeting" I give him more hard time.

"That's not why I do this... I thought... what I meant..." He says nervously and I bite my lip to not laugh.

"I'm kidding!" I grin and he relaxes. "Don't worry. It's cool. But I'm sorry things went sour for you yesterday. How is your daughter?" I still can't believe he has a daughter.

"She is much better" He smiles but as if remembering something he becomes suddenly uncomfortable. "I have a ton of work to do. Let's talk later" And with that he turns to walk to his desk.

I have to remember that all of us make mistakes, me more than anyone should relate to that. I will help him somehow. But first, I need to sort my own problems. When I return to the conference room, I find Henry leaning in the door frame with a smirk in his face.

"It seems you have your fair share of admirers Miss Steele"

 _What?!  
_  
What does he mean? What admirers? He nods behind me and when I look, I see Noah glancing at us and then returning to his stack of papers.

 _Does he mean Noah? That's absurd!  
_  
He must have seen us talking... I smirk when a thought occurs to me. _What does he care?_ I know it's stupid but a part of me wishes he is jealous so instead of explaining desperately, I confront him.

"So what? Is there any problem to that?" I walk to him petulantly and he stands up straight.

"No" He chuckles nervously and looks to a side. "Let's talk already so I can get back to school" He rubs his face with his hand and enters the room.

I smirk behind him and follow him more confidently than earlier. He sits and as soon I sit in front of him, he pulls a folded paper from his coat and starts reading it.

 _Someone came prepared and... eager to leave  
_  
"Okay, if I agree to publish my book, it would only be under some conditions. There shouldn't be any dig into my family by the media. I don't want a book tour or magazine interviews where I should tell how my mom and I struggle in my formative years"

 _I knew it! This is all about his mother.  
_  
"The book would stay like it is. I don't want any modification to add some publicity or turn it into a stupid franchise and then into a movie" He glances at me. "Not in my watch! But I do would like to add a final chapter before the epilogue. All the profits would go to Coping Together..." He resumes his reading.

I listen to his demands and occasionally nod to some points so he sees I'm taking him seriously. He clearly came prepared but he must be realistic. When he finishes reading the rest of his conditions, he looks at me expecting a reply.

"Those certainly are very understandable concerns and I respect each one of them" I nod smiling at him.

"Thank you" He smiles back and it's such a beautiful sight.

"But I reject them all" I sentence and pretend to be writing something in my notepad.

"WHAT?!" He says in a high-pitched voice and I can't help to chuckle. He clears his throat. "I mean... what?!" He says more manly this time.

"You heard it" I mumble glancing at him but then resume doing my doodles.

"I thought you agree to compromise" He says the last word gritting his teeth.

 _Oh Christian, Christian_... I mean _. Oh Henry, Henry.  
_  
"That's the thing you seem to not understand. You came here with your tiny paper demanding these conditions without even talking with me in the first place"

He sighs and when he wants to talk, I lift my hand to stop him.

"Another thing you don't realize now it's that you already lost the advantage you had yesterday. Then you could have made all the demands you wanted but not now. You want to publish your novel and I'm the only one able to make it happening so I'm the one with the advantage now" I explain.

My negotiating skills had improved over the years with Christian's help. I just never thought I would be using them on this version of him.

"I could always leave..." He tells me deadpan and I decide to call his bluff.

"Well, go!" I motion to the door and lean on the back of my seat. I'm showing my best poker face but deep inside, I'm terrified.

 _I really hope he is bluffing.  
_  
He suddenly stands up and I panic. I'm about to start begging him to stay when he walks to the door but then he stops and curses under his breath.

"Fine" He growls returning to his chair. "But if there's something I don't like; I would bitch about it like you couldn't imagine" I sigh relieved and grin.

 _He agreed! I got to spend time with him.  
_  
"Alright!" I can't stop to grin goofily at him. "Before you sign the terms of agreement..." I can't explain him what we are going to do because his phone goes off in that moment.

"Crap!" He mutters and reaches for his bag to collect his phone. When he sees the screen, he frowns and looks at me a bit hesitant. "I need to take this..." He says embarrassed.

"Don't worry" I smile. "I will go grab some documents to discuss and will be back in a minute" I stand up and walk to the door. I feel like I could be jumping of excitement. My plan is in place or at least that's what I thought until...

"Hey baby! How are you?" He answers excited and my spirit is crushed when I hear those words.

I stand in the door frame paralyzed after hear him talk lovingly to the other person. I know who this person is but it hurts so much to admit it. He laughs and looks so carefree hearing whatever she is telling him. I'm used to be that _other_ person so now it seems so wrong. I'm reminded that he belongs to someone else.

 _To his fiancé.  
_  
I close my eyes and leave before he finds me eavesdropping.

When I return he is finishing his call and I give him a tight smile while I sit as if telling him to send the bitch packing.

 _Easy Ana. You are the one after her man, you don't have the right to be jealous.  
_  
"That's a shame. I was looking forward to see you but I understand. I love you too. I have to go, bye"

 _Bitch! Okay I can be a little jealous.  
_  
When he hangs up, he sighs heavily and rubs his face then he looks at me a little sad.

"Long-distance relationships sucks" He mutters.

 _Huh? That's... interesting.  
_  
"Is something wrong?" I'm only eager to ask.

"What is not wrong should be the question. It's complicated and I don't want to bother you with my personal life. It doesn't have anything to do with the book" I nod and he looks at me as if he wants to ask me something.

"Sometimes is easier to talk to a stranger and have an unbiased opinion. That's why people pay shrinks right?" He chuckles and I can't help to smile at him.

 _I miss him so much._

Sometimes I only want to throw myself on his arms and for him to hold me but I can't and I'm not sure if at some point I will be able to. He is with someone else. Could I be that kind of woman who meddles in someone else's relationship? It doesn't feel right but then how else can I have my husband back?

"She is San Francisco right now" He starts talking and I hold my breath. _He is going to tell me._ "She is doing a PhD in Psychology so that is taking a lot of her time and tomorrow when she was supposed to come, she calls and cancels" He lifts his phone and waves it. "I'm trying to be supportive but we were supposed to get married two years ago when she did her Masters and now everything is in hold again…" He sighs deeply and puts his phone in his pocket.

 _Holy shit! What do I say?_

"Uhmm" It's the only thing that comes out of my mouth.

 _Dump her! You can do better! Take me!_

"Had your fiancé…?"

"Melissa" He tells me her name and now the fiancé has a name.

 _Don't humanize the enemy!_

"Had she gave you any indication of not wanting to get married?" _Really? Is that what you are asking?_

"No!" He is quick in defend her. "When she is here, it's awesome! It's the distance and the fact we are postponing the wedding every year what it's taking its toll" He shakes his head. "Sorry, I'm sure you are busy and I'm wasting your time with my nonsense" He apologizes.

"Not at all" I assure him. "We are going to spend a lot of time together" _Keep your cool Steele!_ "So it's only appropriate to get to know each other a little bit" He nods and grins as if he was expecting for me to say that.

"So this Grey guy?" He asks. "What's the deal with him?" He says slowly picking an imaginary thread of his sleeve.

"No deal. There is no deal going on. I already told you" I say annoyed.

"Is he a Grey from the Grey family of Coping Together?" He asks me and again I hold my breath only nodding.

"Are you familiar with them?" I ask when I recover from the shock.

"Yes…" He nods. "As I mentioned before that organization helped me and my mom. Because we always donate money, we have been invited to some of their events and usually the Greys are there"

"So you know Christian?" It's incredible how close he has been to his real family even though he never was adopted and it should explain why Faux-Christian was seeing him as if he remembered him from some place.

"No, I haven't met him. I don't remember ever seeing him in one of those events, but then those were small fundraisers in Spokane"

"Spokane?" I don't understand.

"Yes, I grew up there" He smiles. Whoa! He grew up here in Washington. I thought for a moment he stayed in Detroit. _Did he ever live in Detroit?_ Maybe more things had changed. "So he is one of Dr. Grace's children. Christian Grey, huh?" He smirks at me but then realization dawns on his face. "Christian?" He says the name frowning in confusion and my heart skips a beat. _Does he remember?_

"Yes, Christian" I encourage him to go on.

"That was the Christian you confused me with, yesterday?" He frowns and moves his head to one side.

 _That's what he was thinking?_ Holding myself to his every word is doing nothing to my nerves.

"He doesn't look anything like me!" Is he offended? _What the hell?_ It's not like Faux-Christian isn't handsome, on the contrary he is… very attractive and then I remember the hurt on his eyes earlier.

"Can we forget that embarrassing moment, please?" I mutter and avoid looking at him. It is not right to think about Faux-Christian in front of my real-Christian.

Out of nowhere a beeping sound interrupts this awkward moment and he glances at his watch. _That awful watch is so not Christian._

"Dammit! I'm going to be late" He mutters still watching at his very old Casio watch.

 _I can't help it._

"Oh, was that a calendar alarm on your Apple watch?" I say sardonically and bite my lip to not laugh.

"Ha, ha! Funny!" He says annoyed and I can't help giggle. "You are not the first one to mock me because of this but for your information my dad gave me this watch so it has a great value for me"

 _DAD?! His dad?!_

"Look, I have to go or I'm going to be late for my first class" He stands up.

 _Crap! He is going and I'm was just starting to know him again._

"We haven't finished" I stand up afraid he is running.

"I know but this thing is not working for me" He says and pulls a paper with a pen from his bag to write something.

"What do you mean isn't working?" Oh God, is he changing his mind again? He certainly is the same mercurial guy.

"Meeting you in school day. Can we meet on the weekends? Maybe this Saturday" That's what he means! I take a deep breath relieved.

"I don't think that would be a problem" I smile at him and walk to the door with him.

"Here, this is my contact info" He hands me a paper with his e-mail address and his phone number.

"I will send you a confirmation for Saturday after I get the go ahead from my boss" I will have to send Hillary an excerpt of the novel hoping she will be fine with it so we can start.

"Let me now then" He nods and opens the door to leave.

 _Wait! The idea of doing an excerpt makes me remember something very important._

"Wait! Aren't you forgetting something?" I ask him and cross my arms over my chest.

He looks at me puzzled but after a moment an 'Oh' forms in his lovely mouth.

"I thought you will…" I can't finish the sentence because he is quick in hugging me taking me by surprise.

"Thank you" He says still hugging me and I'm already lost in his embrace and his smell. _My Christian._ I hug him back but then I regain my wits and clear my throat.

"I meant the manuscript for your novel, Henry" I mumble and he lets me go instantly.

"Oh, right!" He says eye-wide and blushes furiously. _Christian blushing, oh my!_ "The novel, of course that was you meant, shit! Sorry…" He nervously takes the novel from his bag.

"That's okay" I say amused by his behavior. When he hands me the document, he avoids looking at me clearly embarrassed.

"I have to go…" He says still not looking at me and makes a dash out of the room.

"Bye" I say giggling.

"Yeah, bye" He waves his hand without turning around and practically runs to the stairs and I continue giggling.

If only he knew his hug was more than welcome, what's more, he is welcome to do more than hugging but the fact he is engaged to another woman rises red flags all over the place. I don't know if he is interested in me, it's clear he loves this _Melissa_ and I don't want to be the other woman neither. I have to spend more time with him and wait. _Patience is my strongest virtue._ I have to wait for him and get to know him all over again. I don't know why but that gives me hope, hope that he will fall in love with me again and that we are meant to be together.

Finally, the days are starting to shine on this side.

With a renewed purpose, I go to my desk to continue with my day.

* * *

My improved spirit has clearly make me more proactive today. Not only had I finished with the reports Hillary ask me to do from two chapters of the author she is currently working with, but also, I finished doing an excerpt of Henry's novel and forwarded it to Hillary so she can check it. I hope she had checked already the one I sent her yesterday of Buran's novel so I can start working with him too. I also hope she will be fine with me working with two authors, if not I would have no other choice than dumping Buran.

Cracking my neck, I catch Noah working in his desk. He hasn't returned to look at the boxes for another story, probably he is now just focusing in keeping his job. I feel bad, with a little girl to take care of, he clearly wants this opportunity to work. Depending on what Hillary says, I might have a new editor for Buran.

A ping on my computer pulls me from my thoughts and when I see what it is, I gasp.

 _An e-mail from Christian. Faux-Christian!_

* * *

 **From:** Christian Grey

 **Subject:** Graduation

 **Date:** May 25, 2011 14:05

 **To:** Anastasia Steele

Dear Miss Steele

Forgive this intrusion at work.

I recall you promised to give me an answer about going together to your graduation, tomorrow.

My offer to take you on my helicopter is still on. Let me know. This would also give us the opportunity to talk about recent events.

Christian Grey

CEO, Grey Enterprises Holdings Inc.

* * *

 _Recent events?_

Does he mean what happened earlier? That's a discussion I'm eager to avoid but he is right, I told him I would give him an answer, he probably is waiting for me to hop in his chopper. _And what's all that formality?_ Well, another task that I can quickly do.

* * *

 **From:** Anastasia Steele

 **Subject:** Graduation

 **Date:** May 25, 2011 14:10

 **To:** Christian Grey

Dear Mr. Grey

Thank you so much for your kind offer but I would have to decline.

Anastasia Steele

Assistant to Hillary Stewart, Commissioning Editor, SIP

* * *

There! Quick and simple.

* * *

 **From:** Christian Grey

 **Subject:** Graduation

 **Date:** May 25, 2011 14:12

 **To:** Anastasia Steele

Why?

Christian Grey

CEO, Grey Enterprises Holdings Inc.

* * *

His reply is instantly and the short word sends shivers to my spine. _Is he mad?_ What do I tell him now? Should I tell him that I just don't want to go? He probably will be badgering until I agree if I write that. If I tell him I had work to do, then he would back off. He promised not to interfere with my work.

* * *

 **From:** Anastasia Steele

 **Subject:** Graduation

 **Date:** May 25, 2011 14:15

 **To:** Christian Grey

Dear Mr. Grey

Again, thank you for your kind offer and I apologize for not being clear before.

There is a lot of work I have to do and as a new employee in SIP, I can't take the risk of being absent and fall behind. I hope you would understand.

Anastasia Steele

Assistant to Hillary Stewart, Commissioning Editor, SIP

* * *

I wait for his reply but nothing. I don't know why I feel bad he didn't send me a reply but I shake it off. I resume reading Henry's novel to make a work-plan and after a half an hour of not response from Faux-Christian, I'm thankful he understood.

"Ana?" I'm startled by Hillary who calls me from her office's door.

"Yes?" I look at her and she smiles at me.

"Can you come in for a moment?" She tells me and returns to her office. I quickly grab my notepad with a pen and I follow her. "Please sit. There is something I need to talk to you about"

"Did I do something wrong?" Crap! Maybe this is about me taking two authors when I'm still a mere assistant.

"No!" Hillary tells me quickly and laughs. "Oh, Ana. You have been doing a wonderful job so far. Your reports on the chapters I give you were great and the excerpts you send me are brilliant…"

I blush at her praise but then she looks at her computer screen and frowns.

"You sent me two excerpts from two different authors?" She asks me and I bite my lip nervously. _Is she realizing this just now?_ She clearly is surprised but this doesn't last long and she goes back to her smiling self. "Well, we will see that in a bit. First things first"

I gulp. _What is this about?_

"For the last couple of weeks, SIP has been going under a takeover from a larger company" _Shit!_ "I've just received an e-mail from Roach telling me the terms of agreement have been signed already and that now we are owned by…" She looks at her computer. "GEH… GEH? I didn't know there was a publishing house with that name"

 _Because there isn't!_ This is uncomfortable. Should I tell her I already know about this? Probably not. It's not my fault that a billionaire had lost his mind and had bought a publishing house that he doesn't know how to run.

"So what's happening now?" I ask unsure of what would be the next step. I know what happened the last time but so many things had changed already and I'm not sure of anything anymore.

"Well, GEH has just installed a policy of cutting over-expenses" _Double shit!_ Does that mean I'm out of job? Did Faux-Christian do this out of spite for rejecting him?

"Have I lost my job?" The burning sensation on my back has returned.

"No!" Hillary laughs. "Stop thinking the worst, would you? There isn't a more secured job in this company than yours and your fellows. You were hired for a program under GEH's umbrella so you don't have to worry about nothing. I don't think no one is going to lose their job but I'm certain that someone is not going to be happy of this new policy when he returns from New York" She smirks.

 _Hyde!_ Oh, no! I had forgot about Hyde in absolute. That's something I would need to deal with, soon.

"But what I was meaning about this new policy is that we are moving" Hillary continues.

"To where?" I gasp.

"To GEH headquarters. They are giving us a couple of floors in his building and cutting off the rent of this place" She smiles. "I don't know why but they want us to move there as soon as possible so if you have finished what I assigned you already, you can pack your things and go home. I will be seeing you on Monday at the new place"

"What?!" I shriek. "We won't be working until Monday?" I ask in disbelieve.

"If you want to come, be my guess" She laughs. "But you will only find movers"

In this moment, I know. I'm certain! But I don't want to believe it. The bastard did it! I told him I couldn't leave my work and he did this. _How dare him?!_ He promised!

"Ana, are you okay?" Hillary brings me back from my anger.

"Yes, sorry. I just don't know what to think" I say gritting my teeth.

"I know this is irregular but you have been doing a terrific work so take it as a mini-vacation" She smiles. "Don't forget to clear your desk for your personal items before you go" She dismisses me and I gingerly stand up and walk to the door. There is no excuse now, I'm free to go to my graduation. I scowl at that thought. _To hell with it!_ I'm not giving him the satisfaction of winning.

"Oh Ana!" Hillary calls me before I leave her office and I turn.

"About those excerpts you sent me" She looks at me. "Are you sure you can handle both?"

"Yes, Hillary" It irks me a little that she doubts my ability but it's something I have to prove myself. But this would be a great opportunity to give Noah a chance. "But if you think it would be better to get help, I can ask Noah to give me a hand" I say casually.

"And throw a bone to the competition?" She is surprised. "Well, it's your decision but Ana…" She calls me in all seriousness. "Give more priority to Bradley's novel" She says with a final nod dismissing me and I had a huge grin on my face by the time I reach my desk. _Yes! My plan worked!_

I get my things ready to leave since I don't have any pending for today. When I look at my screen, I see Faux-Christian's e-mails and the anger returns. _How dare him?_ I quickly type an e-mail to give him a piece of my mind.

* * *

 **From:** Anastasia Steele

 **Subject:** You promised!

 **Date:** May 25, 2011 15:00

 **To:** Christian Grey

Christian, you promised not to interfere with my work! How dare you?!

If you thought for a moment that I would agree to go with you just because you pulled this thing, you are very mistaken. I'M NOT GOING!

And now thanks to you, I would take advantage of these free days to get to know better Mr. Bradley since we are going to start working together every single day.

Anastasia Steele

Assistant to Hillary Stewart, Commissioning Editor, SIP

* * *

I click on _SEND_ before I have the chance to read it again and once the e-mail is gone, it dawns on me what I had wrote. _Oh God! What have I done?_ Yes, I was angry but why did I have to mention Henry? Deep down, I know why. I wanted to rile him and that was the best way to do it but now he is going to be so mad. I only wish he will ignore that e-mail and forget about me at all. But once again I'm proven wrong when my phone goes off. I look at the number and it's Faux-Christian's number.

 _Triple crap! What do I do now?_

I send him to voice mail and I feel relieved for a moment but it goes off again and I panic. I turn off my phone and sit in my chair with my head resting on my hands. _This was supposed to be a good day!_ I look around and see everyone getting ready to leave. _Nicely done, Grey!_ I finish packing my stuff in my purse and then finally grab Henry's novel, my real-Christian. The reason I'm going through all of this. His words of that night before this hell come back to me.

 _If I must go over it again just to have you at the end, I would endure it a million times._

If at the end of this chaos, he is going to be with me again then I will gladly endure this punishment. I have to be more hopeful than ever that we are meant to be together even in this fucked-up alternative reality.

* * *

When I enter the apartment, I'm greeted by loud music and as I walk through the living room, I realize the music is coming from Kate's bedroom. _I know what this it._ I take a deep breath and follow the noise. Whenever Kate was angry she would blast the entire apartment with loud music, that anger was usually directed to another person but knowing I'm the one she is upset with makes me remorseful. I've been a shitty friend lately and we need to solve this once and for all.

I knock at her bedroom's door but there is no reply, I don't think she will hear me with all that noise.

"Kate!" I knock again and call her. "Katherine!" I insist when she still doesn't reply. I try the knob and find it unlocked so I open the door and soon I regret it.

There in the middle of her bed, Kate is lying naked with her eyes closed, mouth slack, her legs spread wide and between them there is the head of a very much naked man, with one hand he is kneading Kate's breast and the other…

 _What is he doing?_

"Oh God!" I mumble when I realize what he is doing and when Kate opens her eyes to find mines, hers widen.

"Ana!" She shouts pulling me out of the shock and is quick to cover herself and her companion with the comforter.

"Sorry! I didn't mean… I'm so sorry!" I blush furiously and cover my eyes before running out of her bedroom.

 _This is so embarrassing! Shit! She will be so mad. What do I do?_

The music stops and I hear steps coming. She is probably coming to kick my ass for being a nosy creep. I need to get the hell out of here for a while. I grab my purse from the living room and run to the front door.

"Freeze!" Kate stops me from opening the door. _So close!_ "Ana, what the hell?"

"I'm sorry, Kate. I didn't mean to sneak in like that" I try to explain without looking at her face. _This is so embarrassing._ "I thought you were mad at me…"

"I'm still mad at you" She clarifies.

"And that's completely understandable" I look at her to show her that I truly understand and find her with a worried expression. She is now wearing her bathrobe. "I wanted to talk with you and explain everything but it was so loud…"

"Someone needs to learn to knock before entering a room" I'm interrupted by a deep male voice. _I know that voice!_

Behind Kate appears Elliot wearing only his boxers. He hugs Kate from behind kissing her neck to which Kate responds with a grin and turns her head to kiss him back on the cheek. If the situation wasn't so uncomfortable right now, I will be so happy for them. Thankfully my fuck-up didn't affect them.

"I did knock your door but you had that damn music so loud you didn't hear me" I explain.

"So now it's my fault" Kate huffs annoyed.

"That's not what I meant…" I roll my eyes in exasperation.

"Hold your horses, both of you" Elliot stops us from falling into a full argument walking between Kate and me. I try to look away from this semi-naked man. "It wasn't the fault of anyone. I forgot to lock the door and the music well…" He smirks. "It was loud because we were being louder" He chuckles at the last part.

"Elliot!" Kate slaps his arm but she can't help to giggle as well.

The look they are giving each other is one so intimate that I'm blushing again. I miss the look Christian and I used to share.

"How are you?" Elliot asks me, he probably is thinking about what happened with Jose yesterday.

"I'm fine, thank you" I smile warmly. "Thank you for coming here with Christian, I don't want to think about what would had happened if you didn't arrive" Elliot smiles kindly at me and when I look at Kate, I see she is looking at me with guilt. Does she feel guilty for what happened yesterday?

 _Oh Katie!_

"About yesterday…" Elliot muses. "When I arrived, you knew who I was right away even though we never met before, what's up with that?" He asks and my eyes widen. _Shit!_ What do I tell him?

"Christian told me about you…" It's not a lie but it's not the entire true either.

"Cool" Elliot shrugs after a moment of inquiry and I relax. That's Elliot Grey for all of you. Such an uncomplicated man and easy to go with. "I will wait for you in the room, babe" Elliot slaps Kate's behind and she blushes.

"Okay babe" She grins at him goofily as he returns to her bedroom.

 _Show some dignity woman!_

Once we hear the door of her bedroom being closed, we speak at the same time.

"I'm sorry…" We say at the same time.

"What are you sorry for?" I ask her because I'm sure I'm the one with the tail between my legs.

"For yesterday" Her lip tremble. "Jose got drunk and he was talking shit about you at the bar. I was so mad that I didn't pay attention and let him talk. I went to the restroom for a moment and when I returned he wasn't there and Levi was with some blonde bimbo. I didn't think much of it but when I returned to the apartment and found you unconscious… I'm sorry Ana" She sobs and I run to hug her.

"Kate, it wasn't your fault. I'm the one who had been treating you poorly, I'm sorry Katie" She nods and hugs me back. I don't know what to say to make her feel better but there was something I wanted to ask. "Is it true that you kicked Jose in the nuts?" I ask her and she chuckles breaking our hug and wiping her face with her hand.

"I should have castrate that fucker" She growls and for a moment I'm scared. "It was the least he deserved" She looks at me.

"Thank you for always taking care of me even though I don't deserve you" I tell her.

"Ughh enough with pitying yourself Ana!" The regret on her face morphs into exasperation. "You have been a wonderful friend to me over the years in college, of course I will take care of you now that you are going through this bad moment which you still don't want to tell me what is it"

 _Oh crap! Haven't we already made up?_

"Well…" She crosses her arms over her chest. "You said you wanted to talk with me and explain everything. So what is it?" _She is not going to let this go._

"So Elliot and you, huh?" I try to divert the topic of conversation.

"No, no" She rolls her eyes and pulls me to the couch. "Don't try to change the conversation! There won't be any Elliot and me until you talk"

"Don't you want to tell that to him? He might be waiting for you…" I tell her.

"Ana!" She whines.

"Okay, okay! Fine!" I sigh. "You have to promise to have an open mind" I tell her and her eyes widen. Yes, Kate! This is heavy shit.

For a moment, I contemplate in telling her everything but then she would think I'm teasing her and she might get angrier so I've been pondering into what to tell her exactly in the way here and I've decided on telling her a partial true leaving the time-traveling stuff out.

"There is this guy I've met…" I begin to tell her but she is quick on interrupt me.

"I knew it! Of course, there is a guy…" She clasps her hands. "Is it Christian?" She asks and my eyes widen. _Does she know?_

"How…?" I'm shocked.

"You were mumbling his name when I carried you to your bed. What happened between you? He didn't want to tell me anything and just told me you called him yesterday…"

 _She means Faux-Christian._

"Kate" I interrupt her and chuckle. "There is nothing going on between us" Even as I said so, there is a part of me that doesn't believe it.

"Then what is it that has you this way?" She is confused.

"There is someone else…" I say and her eyes widen, she is ready to say something but I stop her with my hand. "Let me finish" She nods. "There is this new author at SIP. We were in a relationship but now he doesn't remember me and it hurts so much" There! It is plausible, right? And it's not false either.

"I don't understand, how can he not remember you?" Of course, she wouldn't settle just with that.

"He lost his memory" There not a lie either since he has no memory of our life.

"Oh, but surely someone must have told him about you…" She scowls.

"No one knew about us, we kept our relationship a secret" Okay, that was a lie. _God! I felt terrible. I hope she buy it._ "And now he is with someone else" The pain must be visible in my face because Kate's demeanor change from inquisition to sympathy.

"Oh, Ana. I'm sorry" She hugs me. _Did she buy it?_ "Maybe you should let him go" Kate tells me and I scowl at her. "I mean you can pin for him all of you want but that's not healthy and you will probably scare him off. If it meant to be, it would fall with its own weight" She smiles at me. "Meanwhile, you can try and have fun with other guys" I frown at her in confusion. "Like Christian" She grins, clearly thinking on the idea of we dating brothers.

"Ughh don't talk to me about him" I stand up from the couch and walk to the kitchen.

"Why?" She is curious. "He clearly is interested on you"

"The bastard bought SIP and is going to move it to his building only to give me free days so I can go to the graduation" I tell her and immediately regret it. Her eyes light up and she squeals.

 _Quadruple shit!_

"Does that mean you will come? I'm leaving in a couple of hours" She tells me.

"For a moment, I was thinking about it but now, I just don't want to go to prove that he can manipulate my life as he pleases" I take a bottle of water from the fridge.

"Then don't do it for his benefit but do it for mine" She pouts and I frown at her. "I'm graduating too if you had forgotten and I'm valedictorian. I want you there…" She holds my hands and her eyes are so pleading so I give a silent nod. She smiles excited and hugs me. In that moment Elliot comes to the kitchen.

"Nice" He says and Kate and me turn to scowl at him. "Sorry, your phone was buzzing babe" He hands her the phone and she frowns at the small screen.

"It's Ray" She tells me and I frown in confusion. _Why is he calling her?_ "Hi, Ray. Yes, she is here" She looks at me and then gives me her phone. "Your dad wants to talk to you" She smiles tightly.

"Wait! Did you call him like you said you would yesterday?" I cover the phone with my hand and ask her before she leaves. But I have my answer when she looks down. "Kate" I hiss at her.

"Oopsies!" She shrugs and runs to her bedroom pushing Elliot. "We will be leaving to Portland in a couple hours Ana, be ready" She shouts.

"Laters, Ana" Elliot shouts laughing at my expression and both left me in the kitchen alone to deal with my dad.

God bless Ray's heart; he doesn't give me any hard time. He only calls me a bit worried, apparently, Kate had only told him to call me which he did but because my phone was off he couldn't contact me. We spoke a little, I tell him about my new job and he tells me mom won't be coming to the graduation which of course, I already knew. I guess with everything going on I forgot to call my mom. When we talk about graduation, I tell him that I wasn't planning to go to which his response was ' _Nonsense!_ '. That is like a bad word in Ray's vocabulary so I suppose Papa Ray really wants to see his daughter graduate. I don't have other choice then.

 _Papa Ray_

My heart aches when I remember the name my children used to call my dad. I miss my children so much and in moments like this, I go to that darker place in my mind and I wonder if I ever going to see them again.

"Ana?" Kate takes me out of my dark place and I wipe a tear from my face. She looks at me with a concerned face.

"Ready to go?" I ask her with a chuckle.

"I actually was going to ask you that" She studies me for a moment and then smiles.

"Nope! I better go to get ready" I walk past her to my bedroom.

I might as well enjoy a road trip with my best friend and get over with this thing.

* * *

I knew this was a bad idea, a terrible idea, oh what an awful idea. I'm squirming under his stare. I'm sitting in a row in the sports auditorium, the place is crowded but Faux-Christian has found me and the only time he has stopped looking at me was when he gave his speech which was about helping third world countries. _Not as profound as the speech Christian did._ Kate did a great job as a valedictorian talking about embracing opportunities and I couldn't be prouder of my dear friend. Now I'm waiting for name to be called while avoiding Faux-Christian's eyes.

Finally, I hear my name and I make my way up to the stage. There, Faux-Christian is waiting with a cocky smile and my diploma.

"Why Miss Steele. Such a surprise to see you here" The bastard smirks when I shake his hand and he squeezes mine gently.

"Bite me!" I take my degree and walk past him. I hear someone gasp behind me but I don't care, well that's one for the records.

After one agonizing hour, the ceremony ends and the chancellor leads the faculty members out of the stage. I have avoided Faux-Christian's stare for the rest of the ceremony and now I'm looking for Ray.

"Ana!" Kate calls me from behind the stage and then walks to where I am. "Christian sent me to look for you. He wants to talk with you"

 _This isn't supposed to be like this._

"Kate, Ray is waiting for me" I look around and finally find my dad. He waves at me and I have never been more grateful of having him here. "Tell him you couldn't find me"

"Ana, can't you just come for a moment? He can be very insistent" Kate rolls her eyes.

"Sorry Kate, I have to go with Ray" I kiss her cheek and run to my dad. "You were great at the stage" I shout walking backwards.

"Pffff… I know" She says grinning and I disappear into the crowd.

* * *

"Can I take the cap and the gown off now, dad?" I whine.

"Wait! One more with Ethan" He takes a picture of me with Ethan's arm around me. Ray had gone crazy with the digital camera, when I introduce him to Ethan he quickly asked him to take a picture of us. "Great! I'm so proud of you Annie. Congratulations!" My dad hugs me.

"Thanks dad!" I beam. What I would do without this man?

"Yes! Congratulations Ana" Ethan hugs me again and it's so good to be surrounded of uncomplicated men. Ethan had just come from Europe and it's getting ready for his master which I already know he will succeed.

"Hi Ray" I turn when I hear Kate's voice behind us and I freeze when I see the man at her side.

Faux-Christian is staring at me intensely as if there wasn't anyone else in the place. He looks really good in a charcoal suit, white shirt and blue tie, but then, he always looks good.

"Ray, I would like you to meet Christian Grey, he is…"

 _Don't say Ana's boyfriend! Don't say Ana's boyfriend! I'm begging you!_

"… a friend of us. Christian, this is Ana's dad, Ray" I sigh relieved.

"Nice to meet you sir" Faux-Christian greets my dad and Ray eyes him suspiciously. _Ha! You couldn't charm my dad, Faux-Christian!_

"Nice to meet you. Great speech you give back there" Ray smiles politely while shaking his hand.

"I'm on a tight schedule so I hope you wouldn't mind if I borrow Anastasia for a moment. There is something important I need to discuss with her" I scream _NO!_ with my eyes to my dad but I can't blame him for not being so perceptive.

"Sure" Ray says and Faux-Christian pulls me out of the group.

He leads me out of the marquee to the back of the campus. I try to pull my hand out of his hold but he just grips it harder.

"Christian, stop!" I pull his arm harder.

He turns around and looks at me directly in the eyes. I'm captivated once again by those orbs that have the color of gold with this light.

"I'm sorry, okay?" He says and I'm thrown back by the remorse on his face. "I lost my control and I acted out of impulse but lately that is the norm when I'm around you. I'm sorry I broke my promise of not interfere in your work but I didn't think it would be such a big deal having a couple of days off" He says and runs his hand through his hair.

"I thought it wouldn't be such a big deal…" He waves his hand around.

"Big deal?!" I glare at him. "Christian, you manipulated my work and me only to accommodate your desires. How isn't that such a big deal?"

"Yes, I know Ana. Shit! I'm so sorry, truly" His eyes are pleading and I nod.

"Thank you" I reach for his arm and give it a squeeze. "And I'm sorry you still have to deal with me" I chuckle but he frowns at me. "It's better if I go back…" I step back but he holds me by the arms.

"Ana, I can't keep doing this" His eyes are so intense right now and he is holding me afraid he is going to lose me. "You must know by now how much I care about you, how much I like you" He holds me close.

"Christian… don't" I avoid looking at him and try to take a step back.

"Anastasia, I want you. I think it's more than that, I need you" He is displaying all his heart in front of me and I don't know how to react. That look in his eyes of wanting, of desire, that's the one I've been missing from Christian, my real-Christian.

"Christian, please don't do this" I plead with him and he looks sad for a moment. "I told you, I belong to someone else. I wouldn't be fair to you" I smile sadly because this is hard for me as well.

Soon, his face turns hard and he releases me. He rubs his face and narrows his eyes at me.

"Is that guy Bradley?" I can see the muscle on his jaw clenching.

I don't respond, I just only look down and hear him scoff.

"You certainly know how to pick them" He chuckles and I glare at him and his smirk.

"What's that supposed to mean?" The anger bubbling again.

"He is not the right man for you" He mutter but avoids looking directly at me.

"And you are?!" I scoff. _The nerve on this man._

"Well, yeah…" He seems doubtful as if even he didn't believe it. "At least, I would be better than him" He spits out. _What the hell?_

"And how do you know that? What do you know?" I ask him exasperated.

"For starters, what kind of a man goes after his editor when he is about to get married, huh?" He is angry.

I gasp. _How does he know? What on earth…?_

"How do you know that?" I ask in disbelieve and his eyes widen.

"Did you know?" His jaw hits the floor and he looks at me as if I suddenly had changed in his eyes.

"Yes, but my question is how do you know, Christian?" I look at him and wait for his reply.

"I…" He seems uncomfortable. "I ask for a report about him. The guy looked shady…" He doesn't look at me when he says so. Probably ashamed. _Ughh this guy has no boundaries!_

"You know what, Christian. I'm tired of this" I sigh suddenly feeling so overwhelmed. I had enough to deal already. "I thought we could be friends but it would be better if we stay away from each other for a while" I turn to go back inside of the marquee.

"No, I'm the one tired of waiting when you clearly want me too" He walks behind me.

"That's not true" I turn and find him so close. Suddenly those words have lost its confidence. "Bye Christian" I mutter.

"Bye…" He says so low but as I walk further, he calls me. "Ana wait!"

"What now…?" I turn and I can't finish my sentence because he crashes his lips in mine.

I try to push him but he just holds me tightly, his arm around my back. Suddenly my resolve wanes and I moan into his mouth. His lips feel so soft and I forget about everything. I've been trying to convince myself he doesn't mean anything to me but in this moment, in this kiss, I'm proven wrong.

 _What do I do now?_

* * *

 ** _A/N:_** _Please leave a review, I know you might got tired for the long waiting so let me know if I should continue._


	5. A good guy

_All characters belong to E.L. James. Proof-read by Obsessedreader83._

* * *

 **CHAPTER 5: _A GOOD GUY_**

"I have to re-write it, entirely?" Henry asks me frowning. I had just given him my revision of the first chapter and he is not happy. Saturday has arrived and we are in a coffee shop discussing his novel.

"Yes, you have to" I sigh and he furrows his eyebrows deeper. "Come on! You admitted writing this when you were in high school…"

"Senior year going to college, actually" He mutters and I chuckle. _Sulking Christian… some things don't change._

"Then, you have to admit after college you can do better. Besides, I think you can add a new perspective to the story. I'm not saying we are going to change anything…"

"Because we aren't…" He clarifies quickly and scowls at me. I scowl back.

"We aren't changing anything", I repeat. "I promised. Have I not kept my word so far?" He nods and I close my eyes to not get angry with him. "Look, this story was written like ten years ago, you've had many experiences since then that will make you see things differently. I just want to compare both versions and I promise you we will keep what works best for the story" He nods and I sigh relieved.

"It makes sense, I foolishly thought the novel was ready to publish" He shrugs and I laugh.

"Oh honey…" I reach for his hand to squeeze it lightly and smile sympathetically. "We haven't even started yet" I chuckle and stare at my beautiful husband who smiles back at me and then he chuckles.

"You are right…" He stretches his arms and my brain stops working for a moment. He is wearing a white t-shirt that shows his strong arms.

 _Whoa! Someone is in shape._

"See something you like?" He asks me pulling me out of my wayward thoughts involving his arms and how he could easily carry me to the nearest restroom.

"What?!" I laugh nervously, embarrassed that he caught me checking him out.

"On the menu" He points at it and then looks awkwardly at the waiter. It's just then that I realize the waiter is there to take our order. I blush and just mutter for a latte and Henry orders an espresso. He frowns at me and I look at my fingers.

"By the way, why are we here?" He asks me after the waiter leaves. "Did SIP go broke after just taking my novel?" He says sarcastically but I don't like his tone.

"No" I roll my eyes. "But they fired me so I'm just playing you along" I smile sweetly.

"Funny" He shakes his head as if irritated by something. "I thought our first meeting would be in your office" I think he might be annoyed so I better explain.

"Sorry about that" I apologize. "SIP is moving to another place and since you asked to schedule our meetings on Saturdays, I didn't want to wait until next weekend to start working on your novel" I skim through the pages. I finished reading it yesterday and it's a great story. I wonder how much is based on real life.

"Why? Did they find a cheaper place or something?" He is curious.

"No, actually SIP was bought by a larger company and now we are moving to another building owned by this company" I'm explaining it very vaguely hoping he won't ask more questions.

"Which company?" _Crap!_ Do I lie to him? No, that will bring more problems.

"GEH" I mutter and welcome the waiter with our drinks. I never had been more grateful for an interruption. I don't know why I'm feeling nervous all of a sudden.

 _You know why…_

"GEH?" He asks after the waiter leaves and I just nod, sipping my latte and avoiding his eyes. "Grey Enterprises Holdings? Grey? As in Christian Grey?" He figures it out and my eyes widen. "The same guy you were with on Wednesday?" He asks in disbelief and I nod.

"There is nothing going on between us" I quickly clarify.

 _Liar!_

"Whoa! He must be really interested in you to buy the whole company you work for" He goes back to the revised chapter in his hands.

"No!" I sound desperate. "He is just an insane person with a lot of money"

 _An insane person you kissed!_

He just shrugs. "I would like to go through the corrections you made so I can start working on it" His whole demeanor changes and now he is distant. What does he care? He is engaged to another woman; I shouldn't feel guilty for a simple kiss.

 _Cheater!_

He reads the corrections I made and I nod just interrupting him to clarify some points. But honestly, I concentrate on studying my beautiful real-Christian and wondering if there is any chance of us being together at some point. I'm tempted to throw myself at him but I don't want to appear like a hussy since he is engaged. It's so difficult to read him, one moment he is nice to me and I believe he likes me but then he can be such an ass and cold. It would be easier if he were direct and would tell me his feelings.

 _Like Faux-Christian._

I close my eyes and a wave of guilt invades me. I can't be thinking of him in front of my real-Christian. It's not right!

 _But you kissed him._

No, he kissed me.

 _But you let him!_

Great! Now I'm arguing with myself like a crazy person. I groan and bang my forehead on the table.

"Oh, sorry. Am I annoying you with the corrections YOU made?" He is angry. _Shit!_

"No, no… sorry. I was distracted" I apologize and rub my forehead.

"I wasn't going to say anything but you have been distracted the whole time" _Dammit!_ He glowers. "If this meeting is not of importance to you, then why did you tell me to come here? It's clear you have something more important on your mind…" He admonishes me and I scowl at him. _What's with him?_

"That's not true, Henry and you know it. I've been paying attention to everything you've been saying and I've been answering all your questions. Something suddenly came to my mind…" I try to explain but he cuts me off.

"I'm so tired of this…" He sighs and rubs his face with his hand. "There is always something more important and I have to wait" _What the hell?_ He is no longer talking about this, it's something else that is bothering him.

"Are you okay?" I ask concerned.

"What do you care? Have you finished mooning?" And I'm angry now. Ughhh… he can be such a prick.

"You know what, forget it!" I huff angrily and grab a ten-dollar bill from my purse to throw it on the table. "Call me when you have your head out of your ass" I tell him and stand up.

But when I walk near him he grabs my arm and stops me.

"Sorry" He mumbles looking down.

"What? I didn't hear…" I say sarcastically.

"I'm sorry! okay?! Yes…" He sighs. "I might be projecting my anger and other problems onto you"

"You might?" I ask him.

"Fine! Yes, I'm a prick. Now can you sit down so we can finish this?" He says exasperated and I oblige just to not rile him more.

He reads the chapter I gave him without uttering a word. I keep silent staring at him, willing him to talk and when he can't stand the awkward silence anymore, he throws the document on the table and rubs his face again.

"I had a fight with Melissa, yesterday. That's what is messing with my head, sorry for taking it out on you" He explains and looks at me.

"Oh" It's the first thing that comes out of my mouth. "Nothing serious, I hope" The only thing I hope is that my nose doesn't get bigger like Pinocchio.

"I don't know…" He sighs. "She went crazy on me. She calls me, out of the blue, telling me to go to San Francisco for the weekend. She tells me that she misses me and that she wants to be with me…" I clear my throat uncomfortably and thankfully he gets the point. "Sorry" He mutters. "The point is that she is very insistent and desperate even but I can't because…" He waves his hand around us.

"Oh right. Sorry this meeting messed up your plans" _Liar, liar, pants on fire._

"You don't have to be sorry. I wouldn't have gone even if I had been free. It always rubs wrong on me when she thinks I'm at her disposal to hop on a plane when she snaps her fingers" He snaps his fingers.

"But I thought you wanted to see her this weekend. You were disappointed when she canceled" I remember the phone call.

"I know, it actually made me happy she wanted me to go to be with her, she hadn't asked me before but the fight began when I told her that I had a meeting with you. That's when she lost it" He shakes his head.

"Why?" Why would she get mad over our meeting? What had he told her about me?

"She accused me of… Forget it!" He trails off and rubs his forehead. "It's not important, I just need to clear my mind so I'm not snapping at everyone" He is stressed out.

 _I know what helps to release stress…_ ughh stop it Steele!

"Maybe you need to go out with some friends to clear your mind", I tell him and he scoffs.

"I'm not much of a social butterfly so I don't have too many friends" He frowns. "Meli is the social one so I just had her friends by association but when she moved, her friends didn't mind pretending I moved with her, even though I stayed here"

"Why didn't you move with her?" That's what I've been wondering since he told me she was in San Francisco.

"I did for a couple of months, but I had a steady job here and I spent those months there trying to find a teaching position but I didn't have any luck, thankfully I didn't quit here. Besides, my family is here in Washington. My little sister is moving here too so… it's better to stay here" He comes out with all these excuses as if they were rehearsed. He is making excuses to not go there.

All of a sudden an idea comes to my mind. I remember Kate inviting me to go to a bar before she goes to Barbados with her family. _Isn't that tonight?_

"You want to go out with me tonight?" I ask hopeful and he whips his head shocked.

"What?" He chuckles nervously. "I don't think that's a good idea"

"Why?" Why doesn't he want to go out with me? Am I that boring?

"I don't know" He looks nervous. "I mean… we… Meli… that is…" he stammers.

Is he thinking something might happen between us? _Boy, do I hope so!_ But it's not like I'm going to attack him. I'm not completely sure if he is attracted to me and it's difficult to read him but then when I first met Christian, I didn't know what he was thinking most of the time. Although he clearly showed his intentions. _His kinky intentions._ I smile at the memory.

"Henry" I touch his arm and he looks at my hand then he follows to my eyes. He looks torn by something. "Please come, you said you need to clear your mind. Me and a couple of friends are going out. I wasn't going to go but then I think I need some relaxing too" I smile.

He ponders on it for a moment. "I will think about it", He finally says.

"Great!" I grin and he smiles back at my excitement. "I will text you the address as soon as my friend tells me"

He scans the chapter in his hands one more time and then closes it. "I think I can start working on this already, if there is anything I need to ask you, I will e-mail you during the week"

"Sure" I reply unsure of his behavior. He had suddenly stood up, fixed his black jeans and grabbed his things to leave. "I guess we are done here…" I mumble when he puts on his black leather jacket.

 _My God! He has a great body._

"Bye, Ana" He tells me and I snap out of it.

"Yeah, bye" I blush and watch him leave the coffee shop.

 _He has a great ass, too._ You could bounce a quarter off that! I remember those nights when I would bite those cheeks… _Christ!_ I shake my head. Why am I such a horny mess? Has it been that long? Well, Christian and I were at it on a daily basis so no wonder my body is reacting in that way. I sigh contemplative but then I catch the waiter giving me a funny look and I quickly leave the establishment.

Since the coffee shop was close to my apartment, I decided to walk. My phone buzzes and when I check it, I find a text from Kate.

 ***U need 2 c this** - **001/Ukh5km** *****

 _Huh?_ Why is Kate sending me this? This might be just gossip since that's the only thing that webpage publishes… **Bang!** I hit a wall of muscle in front of me and I stumble backwards until a pair of arms stop me from landing on my butt.

"What the hell?!" I look up and find my husband scowling at me. Great! He holds me by the arms.

"Sorry, sorry" I try to regain my equilibrium. "I was reading a text message and didn't see you"

"Don't you realize how dangerous that is?" _What? Not seeing him?_ "You can't walk and read a text at the same time. We are on a corner, you could've been hit by a car" He admonishes me and I feel like a kid. I scowl at him. "Don't scowl at me! You could be dead…"

"Well… I'd rather be dead than dying from embarrassment right now" I mumble petulantly.

"What were you doing behind me anyway? Were you following me again?" He frowns.

"Again?" I say indignantly. He must be referring to the first time we met… but still. "I'm not following you! What? Do you think I am stalking you?" He smirks and I glare at him. "Hey! You might be hot but I'm not stalking you so…"

 _Shit!_ I stop talking when I realize what I just said. _Fuck!_

"I mean…" _Stop talking!_ I blush furiously and look down embarrassed. I wish the ground would swallow me now. _Can he just go?_ Nope! He is still holding me by the arms.

Two long dexterous fingers lift my chin and I bite my lip to stop me from talking. I look at his lovely face and go straight to his gray eyes. They go darker with every second that passes and they land on my mouth. He suddenly releases my bottom lip from my teeth with his thumb and there it is. That sudden change in the air between us, that electric charge around us, and that exhilarating connection that I've been yearning for. He is there, my real-Christian is there and he wants me. _And I am happy again._ The thick air surrounding our closeness makes me take a deep breath which makes him release me. _No!_

He closes his eyes torn by something and shakes his head. He looks at me. "Do you live close by?" I would like to think he wants to come with me to my apartment but he is distant once again and I know the moment we shared is gone.

"Yes, I live near Pike Place Market" I nod.

"I live close, too. I will walk with you so you are not hit by any car" He smirks.

"You don't have to" I frown.

"I disagree. You have been distracted all morning and you are prone to get in an accident, I must say" He chuckles and I look down. "Come on. Let's go. I want to work on this" He pats his messenger bag referring to his novel.

"Fine" I accept begrudgingly. _I don't need babysitting._ But I won't mind walking next to him. I smile behind him when we cross the street.

We walk next to each other in silence and I take the moment to study my beautiful husband. He doesn't look anything like a teacher, he might be a writer of that I'm not surprised since he used to invent the most adorable stories for Phoebe, but a teacher? An English teacher even. I know he loves to read but I wonder, in this alternative reality, where did his passion for books come from? I remember a passage from his book and suddenly, I'm curious.

"Henry?" I call him and he turns to look at me. "That part in the book when your mom smuggles you into the college's library is real?" He frowns in confusion.

"What makes you thing the book is about me and my mom?" He is surprised and I give him an incredulous look. _Come on!_ He smiles first and then he chuckles. "Okay, yes! It's true. My mom used to take me to the campus' library. She needed to study for exams so she would sit me next to her, put a pile of books in front of me and promise me ice cream if I finished reading them"

"That's so cute!" I giggle and he laughs.

"I must confess that's where I got the liking for literature. I grew up wanting to write like all those authors I read. Trying to captivate the readers as I was by them" He is really passionate about it and that makes me love him more. I laugh picturing a small Christian reading at WSU's large library. _Wait!_

"The book mentioned WSU. Did your mom study in Portland?" I ask him and he nods.

"Yes, she studied at Washington State" I'm shocked.

"No kidding, me too!" I giggle.

"No shit. I studied there, too" He smiles genuinely surprised.

My jaw hits the floor. Christian went to WSU, I mean Henry did but still. _What are the chances?_

"What is your major?" He must have majored in English.

"I double majored, English Lit and Secondary Education" He smiles. _Whoa!_ "You? English Lit, I assume"

"You assume correct", I giggle and he laughs with me. It's so good to talk to him.

"Did you take Shakespeare with Dutton?" He asks me scrunching his face.

"Oh my God! Yes!" I laugh because I know what he means. "A friend warned me but as the idiot I am, I didn't listen"

"Oh no!" He laughs out loud. "Did he continue doing that thing with the pencil?" He mimics his finger at the side of his nose and I'm transported to those awful mornings at Dutton's seminars.

"Yes! Did you take his class too?"

"Yes, I mean I could've took another schedule but Melissa…" He stops and frowns at some memory. "I decided to take that class very early so I could have more time with Melissa since her classes took all her time"

"You two went to WSU together?" He nods and my heart aches.

Could I compete with their shared history? They have been together since college that's… a lot of time! I scowl at this but if I have to guess, I would say Henry has been making a lot of sacrifices and putting in more effort than his fiancé… _Melissa._

"Going back to your mom. She studied at WSU so I guess you lived in Portland for a while with her" I changed the topic from fiancé-related stories.

"Yep! When she finished, we moved here to Seattle and my mom bought her store with a loan she got. Then she met my dad. He got a Principal position at Spokane so we moved there" That's a lot of information. His dad is a Principal?

"She must love him very much to follow him to another city with her child" I muse out loud.

"Yes" He chuckles. "They are still ridiculously hopelessly in love with each other like the first day. It's so sweet that sometimes I want to throw up" He says sarcastically making gagging noises.

But I don't laugh, he must see the irony of this, right? He looks at me and frowns when I don't laugh.

"What?" He seems a bit embarrassed. "Did I offend you with the noises?"

"No, no…" I laugh. "Although you were very demonstrative" He chuckles. "But you must see the similarities here, don't you?"

"What are you talking about?" He really is clueless.

"Your dad getting an opportunity in another place that requires moving his and his partner's life to somewhere new. Your mom following him without doubting. Doesn't ring a bell?"

He frowns in confusion but then his eyes widen and he snorts a laugh.

"Okay, yes. I see your point there but that's different, they are hopelessly in love, you just have to see them to realize how ridiculous it is. They can't be a single minute apart from each other…" He stops midsentence and looks at me. I just keep silent so the idea will sink in and it does, because he seems distressed.

"I don't like this…" He mutters looking down. "I need to leave"

And he does. He walks in the opposite direction from my apartment. I just stay there watching him go away, again. Will there be a moment when he stays here with me?

* * *

I walk to my apartment still thinking about Henry. I should feel ashamed that I'm coming between a couple. The reasonable part of me thinks I should wait until they sort their problems out and if they break up then I can have my chance with Christian. But there is this other part, the same part that agreed to a BDSM relationship with my husband, the part that is telling me I should make my move and have Christian for myself. _I'm kind of leaning to the latter._

"Anastasia Steele, you little minx!" Kate shouts from the living room when she sees me.

She is sitting on the couch and has her laptop. She has a cheeky grin and her eyes are dancing with mirth. _What is it with this woman?_

"Shouldn't you be packing for Barbados?" I ask her and I leave my purse on the opposite couch.

"I already did that. Did you check the text I send you?" I shake my head and she smirks peaking her tongue between her teeth. "No problem. Don't you have something to tell me?"

"Like what?" I frown in confusion. What does she know that I don't? I'm having a sick feeling about this.

"Like… I don't know" She shrugs. "Something that happened at graduation"

 _Oh no! She knows. How does she know?_

Calm down, Steele! This must be about something else. No one saw you, you were behind the marquee where Faux-Christian dragged you. There is no way…

"I'm only asking because of… THIS!" She shows me what is on her computer screen and all the blood drains from my face.

 _HOLY MOTHER OF EVERYTHING THAT IS LOVED!_

There we are Faux-Christian and I, making out! But how?! Not how are we kissing, because that's still ingrained in my memory; but how is there a picture of us? I didn't see anyone around looking at us. Now we are plastered on the Seattle Nooz. Kate is smiling at me with a knowing look but I ignore her and approach the screen to get a better look.

 _Yep! That's us!_

Faux-Christian has his arms around my waist gripping me tightly while I have my arms around his neck and my fingers pulling his hair. _When did I do that?_ Honestly I don't remember. What I do remember is the aftermath which of course, the website doesn't show. _Shit!_ That picture is making me remember what I've been trying to forget.

* * *

His lips feel so soft and his arms are pressing me into his hard body, causing me to tightly grip his strong arms and subsequently put my arms around his neck. He groans and the sound unfurls a warm feeling in my body. But it is just my traitorous body reacting.

I moan into his mouth and he takes advantage of this to deepen the kiss, he tries to gain access to my mouth with the tip of his tongue but in this moment, my eyes fly open and I regain my wits.

"Christian" I murmur on his lips trying to push him away but he leans over planting soft kisses over my lips.

"Please…" He says when I try to push harder. "Please, choose me" He whispers and that tiny plea pulls at my heart.

"Christian, stop!" I'm more forceful. _This has to stop!_

He groans and takes a step back leaving me flustered.

"Why are you fighting this Ana?" He says confused. "One moment we are fine then the next you are pushing me away when you clearly are attracted to me"

Yes! I'm attracted to him. There, I admit it.

"Or am I imagining it?" He asks afraid of the answer.

"No" I mumble because I've been messing with him and in this moment, he deserves honesty. "You didn't imagine it" He sighs relieved and stares at me.

But that's it. Attraction. I'm attracted to this man as anyone could be to a handsome man taken out of a GQ magazine. At first, I thought we were supposed to be together because of him taking the place of Christian but there are some things you can't force. I'm attracted to him as I once was attracted to Bradley Kent my physics' lab partner in tenth grade. He kissed me too and just like Faux-Christian, both are nothing compared to what I felt the first time Christian kissed me.

My heart rate went through the roof and my breathing was as if I had just run up a hill. _None of that this time._

"I'm so out of my depth here, Ana" He tells me when we both don't say anything for a moment. "I'm used to having fleeting encounters with women because I always thought I didn't have relationship potential but with you, I want to try"

"It wouldn't be fair to you. I don't want to be the girl who would play you when her heart won't be fully committed and now I realize, I kind of have been doing it. I don't want to be that girl" I look down.

"But you want to be the kind of girl who messes around with an engaged man" He scowls and

I glare at him, that's a low blow.

"That doesn't concern you" I mutter. "You wouldn't understand anyway"

"You should stay away from him" He warns me and I stare at him suspiciously. _What does he know?_

"I can't, I'm working with him" It's not only that I'm working with him but he is my husband and I'm trying to get him back. I won't say that to him, obviously.

"Send him to another editor" He tells me quickly and I sigh exasperated.

"Why are you so adamant that I stay away from him?" I ask.

"Because he will only use you and then dump you. I don't want that for you, can't you see it?" I stare at him in disbelief. Christian isn't like that, why is Faux-Christian telling me all of this. "I only want to protect you" He insists.

"I will be fine", I mutter. "You don't know him"

"And you do? You have just met him" He scoffs.

"Christian. Don't interfere in my work please or in my personal life" I look at his eyes and he looks so sad. "You should find a girl who can reciprocate your feelings, I'm not that girl, I can't be"

"Please give me an opportunity to prove you wrong. Have dinner with me, tomorrow" My eyes widen. He and I alone? I don't think that's a good idea. Before I can answer him, he closes his eyes as if he remembers something. "Shit! I forgot tomorrow I'm picking up my sister from the airport and then Friday we have a family dinner. Saturday!" He says joyful. "My parents are celebrating my sister's return, come with me, I think my brother has already invited your friend"

I forgot about that, I would love to see Grace, Carrick and Mia but I can't continue leading Faux-Christian on like that.

"Christian, meeting your parents would be turning this into something too serious. I meant what I said before, we can be friends while I'm dealing with my own stuff but nothing else. You deserve better, you deserve someone fully committed to you"

"But I want you" He takes a step closer to me.

"But you can't have me" I take a step back. He looks at me and then he sighs resigned.

"Fine! Friends" I smile at him.

"We should go back" I tell him.

"I can't. I wasn't lying when I said I was on a tight schedule to your dad" He glances at his watch. A platinum Rolex. _Christian._

"Good bye, then" I smile at him. I would give him a kiss on the cheek but it's better if I don't.

"Friends still have dinner, you know" He insists.

"Christian" I give him a pointed look but can't help smiling.

"Fine" He pouts and looks cute again. I turn to walk back to the marquee.

"That's a lovely dress, Anastasia" He says behind me.

I look down to my grey chiffon halter neck dress and I swirl it around for him. He clutches his chest as if I have punched him and closes his eyes. There he is! The goofy guy that I like. I giggle.

"Goodbye, friend" He says sadly and then walks in the opposite direction of the campus.

I might have been harsh but he deserves a woman who will be nuts for him as I am with Christian, my real-Christian. As lovely as the idea of being with Faux-Christian is, my heart only belongs to my husband, who doesn't remember me.

 _Who is engaged to another woman._

* * *

"That picture really got us in the moment but it shows something very different from what I actually felt" I say to Kate.

"Really?" Kate asks in disbelief. "Because what I see is two hot people sucking face" She giggles.

"Kate…" I whine. "Please don't give me more grief. It's enough that this photo is in the media already. Not only my friends will see it" I wave at her. "But my co-workers and family will too. Thankfully the Seattle Nooz is not in Ray's daily paper" She chuckles.

"But what is the problem with what you felt? Is it because he is stinky rich? Don't let this be about money, Ana. He is crazy for you, although, you will have the word _'gold digger'_ tattooed on your forehead from now on" She snickers.

"Kate!" I gasp. Yeah, I remember those headlines when Christian and I got married. I don't want a repeat of that.

"I'm kidding!" She laughs. "I'm just saying you two look so good together, you shouldn't be afraid of your relationship with Christian"

 _Why does no one understand?_

"That's the thing, Kate!" I shout exasperated raking my fingers through my hair. "There is no relationship, there is nothing going on between us. He kissed me and then we talked a little and I made him see he deserves someone better"

"Someone better?!" Kate shouts in dismay. "Oh, Ana. Do you think you are not good enough for him? That's bullshit!" And now, she is indignant. "You are such a wonderful…"

"That's not what I meant" I cut her off before she starts. I sigh and rub my temple, I'm starting to get a headache. "I meant someone else who could reciprocate his feelings. Yeah, he is handsome but I'm interested in another person. Remember what I told you on Wednesday?" She nods.

"The author you once dated" I nod. "Which by the way you never told me about before" She scoffs and my eyes widen. _Shit!_ Is this another inquisition? "What is his name? You told me you never dated a guy before and I'm here believing you are still a virgin" She narrows her eyes.

 _Oh that's ridiculous!_ I laugh out loud.

"His name is Henry Bradley and I can assure you I'm not…" I stop laughing when something comes to my mind. _Wait a minute! It can't be… I mean…_

"I will be right back…" I tell Kate who looks at me quizzically and I walk to my bedroom.

Five minutes later, I return to the living room with eyes wide. _Yep! Everything is mint in box down there._ Holy crap! I'm a virgin… again! I never realized that returning to 2011 would mean that _everything_ will be back as it was. This whole situation is messing with my mind.

"Where did you go so suddenly?" Kate asks me when I join her on the couch while she is stille using her laptop.

"Nothing of matter, what are you doing?" I ask her and she grins.

"Well, I was curious and I searched this mysterious author you never talked about before, on Facebook!" She shows me Henry's profile.

 _WHAT?!_ Why did it never occur to me to look for him on Facebook?

I snatch the laptop from her and stare at the screen. There he is in all his glory in an old picture where he is scrunching his face up at the sun in front of the camera, he looks so young and so… adorable. I love him, I love him so much. I'm grinning so hard at the screen that Kate coughs to take my eyes off it. I look at her and she has this weird look as if I'm a strange creature. I ignore her and search for more pictures of my husband but there are none.

"He has a private profile" Kate tells me when she sees me clicking all the buttons. I'm so out of my element on what Facebook is related to. "You have to send him a friend request to be able to stalk him like I'm assuming you want to" She snorts.

"No…" What am I saying? Of course, that is what I was planning. "Okay maybe a little" I smile.

"Then you finally would be forced to get an account" She grins and I roll my eyes.

Now I remember why it never occurred to me to search for Henry. Neither Christian or I have social media accounts, our lives had always been such a topic of the media that we both felt PR should manage everything social media-related about our businesses.

"Can you…?" I ask Kate but I'm cut off by her.

"Yes!" Kate takes the laptop from me and starts creating a profile. "I have to admit; this Henry guy is one good looking son of a bitch" She tells me.

"Yes, he is" I blush.

"Oh my God!" Kate laughs "You are really smitten for this guy, aren't you?" I nod. "And he?"

"I don't know, I hope so" I grin remembering the moment we shared earlier.

"Look at you! Little virginal Anastasia Steele turned out to be such a vixen" I bite my lip. "Your pheromones must be doing extra work to compensate for the years you never dated in college" I scowl at her.

"Just focus on what you are doing" I move her head to the screen with my hand and she laughs.

"We need a hot picture of you to put on the profile" She searches for one on her computer and after scrolling through her files, she finds one with both of us and Ethan on the beach during a holiday with her family. In the picture, I'm wearing a blue halter neck tankini. "This is the sexiest picture I've found here" She proceeds to cut the picture.

 _Oh honey… you should've seen the yellow bikini I wore on my honeymoon._

But then I remember, that hasn't happened yet. _And maybe it never will._ Don't go there, Ana! I change the topic before my dark thoughts return.

"So you and Elliot… how is that going?" I ask while she finishes setting up my account.

"Oh Ana" She blushes and closes her eyes as if remembering something. "He is so… everything and when we…"

"Yeah, you don't have to go into details. I heard it last night" I roll my eyes and she bites her lip. "By the way, cotton in the ears doesn't do anything for that kind of noise"

"Sorry" She grins mischievously, not sorry at all.

"There we go!" She presses enter and my profile appears on the screen. "I welcome you to the virtual life, Ana Steele" She says and I can't help but giggle. I missed these moments with Kate.

"Now what do I have to do" I look at the screen.

"You have to add friends; I already added myself to your friends list and here is…" She clicks on a link and passes me the laptop. "Your Henry's profile for you to send him a request"

"Great" I smile.

Kate's phone sounds from her room and she stands up to go.

"That must be Elliot about tonight" She grins and it's so good to see her happy with Elliot.

"We are still going to that bar tonight, right?" I ask her before she disappears.

"Yes! We will meet you there after the dinner with Elliot's parents" She smiles excitedly but then she moves her head to one side and seems sad. "I thought you would be coming"

"I'm trying not to lead Christian on and going to that dinner wouldn't help" I shake my head.

"I understand" Her phone sounds again and she grins.

"Go!" I tell her. "Go have weird phone sex with Elliot" She laughs shouting 'Sorry' _._

 _She is not sorry at all._

I stare at Christian's profile… I mean Henry's and study his beautiful face. Who would have thought, Christian Grey has a Facebook account. I'm about to click on the request button but I stop. Clicking on that will open the doors to Henry's life not Christian's, that means his life with his fiancé, a life without me and our children. I close Kate's laptop and put it on the coffee table.

I'm not ready to face that. I'm not strong enough.

* * *

I'm sitting alone on a stool at a bar in a local pub. I'm drinking a beer while rejecting the advances of a few guys who have dared to approach me.

Kate had texted me telling me they are coming a bit late. I'm a bit sad for two reasons. First, I was supposed to be at that dinner too with my real-Christian, enjoying the warm hospitality of the Greys and why not, enjoying some shananigans in the boat house with my husband. But here I am, alone in a bar.

And second, probably the most hurtful reason, Henry hasn't come either. I sent him a text message with the pub's address but he just replied with an 'Okay', not confirming if he is coming or not. I'm sipping my beer pondering on the possibility that I mean jack-shit to Henry. He is probably angry at me for our conversation earlier.

Someone pokes at my right shoulder and I turn to face probably another guy trying his luck.

"What?" I ask but there is no one. When I turn to the other side, Henry is sitting on the stool next to me grinning.

"Hi" He says.

"Henry!" I hug him. "You are here! I thought you weren't coming" He laughs and hugs me back.

"Am I too early?" He says when I sit back on my stool.

"No…" I chuckle. "Everyone is late. Do you want a beer?" I signal for the bartender.

"Sure. I'm glad I came here since it looks like you were stood up" He smirks and sips his beer.

"I wasn't stood up, my friends are coming" I narrow my eyes at his tease.

"Come on! Admit that they are not coming" He teases and I giggle. I love playful Christian.

"They are coming!" I shove my finger at his chest. I realize he is comfortable with me touching his chest, there is no fear, no burns, no scars. I look at his face and he is smiling. I grin goofily at him.

"Ana!" I hear Kate from behind me and I turn around to watch her come toward us with Elliot.

"Kate!" I greet her and throw a 'told you so' glance at Henry. He just rolls his eyes. I hug my friend and she looks at Henry. Then I see something I thought I would never see in a million years, Kate is gaping at Henry, my Christian. _I can't believe it._

"Hi" She squeaks and I narrow my eyes at her. _Back off!_

"Kate, this is Henry Bradley. I'm working with him on his novel" I introduce her and she blinks a couple of times before shaking his hand. _I had no idea._

"Nice to meet you, Kate" Henry says politely and smiles. This time Kate and I both grin goofily until Elliot clears his throat.

"Ahmm… this is Elliot Grey, he is Kate's boyfriend" I say and right on cue Kate and Elliot share a quick glance. They haven't figured out their status yet, have they? Elliot shakes Henry's hand and Kate gives me a look that means she is going to kill me later. I can't help but snicker at her.

 _It's payback time, Katie!_

"You didn't tell me you were bringing someone else" Kate murmurs when Elliot orders three beers and engages Henry in talking.

"I didn't?" I say, as if I don't remember. "I guess I forgot, I didn't think it would be a problem"

"I wish you would have told me" She looks contrite and I frown in confusion.

"Why…?" I get my answer when Faux-Christian shows up next to us and first he smiles at me but when he catches Henry talking with Elliot, his face falls.

"Anastasia" He nods at me and I'm speechless. We haven't talked since the graduation and now he is here. "Lovely to see you, as always"

"Christian…" I don't know what to say, I wasn't expecting him and now I'm feeling guilty. I look at my real-Christian and he is still talking animatedly with Elliot.

"I think I better leave", He says and Kate looks at me willing me to stop him.

"No way!" Elliot shouts when he hears him. "You were the one excited to come here so you are not leaving. Look, there is a booth free. Let's everyone go sit there…"

"Elliot…" Faux-Christian whines but Elliot locks his arm around his head.

"Nope!" Elliot drags Faux-Christian who is cursing all the way to the booth.

"Are you coming?" Kate grabs the beers and follows them giggling. I just nod, stepping down from the stool.

"Should I leave?" Henry asks me when I follow them.

"What?! No!" I spin around to face him. "Do you want to leave?"

"I don't know but I know when I'm the fifth wheel" He chuckles. "It's fine" He shrugs.

"You are not the fifth wheel, we all are friends. The only couple here is Kate and Elliot, please stay" I plead. He nods.

"Hey! Aren't you two coming?!" Faux-Christian shouts from the booth startling us and I glare at him.

We sit in a booth near the window and drink our beers. I'm sitting next to Elliot and Kate; and in front of us, Faux-Christian and Henry sit next to each other. _This is so weird!_ I look at both assessing each other and they couldn't look more different to me. Faux-Christian is wearing a dark grey suit without a tie and Henry is wearing a dark green jumper with black jeans. They catch me staring at them and I look down blushing.

"So Henry, you were telling me you had seen me before?" Elliot asks him. _What?_

"Yes" He nods. "At a few gatherings for Coping Together but the one I remember was a Mariners' game we were invited to. We were sitting a couple of rows behind you and your father, I think; when all of a sudden you jumped over…"

"…a bunch of kids to catch the ball with my baseball hat!" Elliot completes the story excitedly. "You were there?" Elliot laughs.

"Yes, I was…!" Henry laughs.

"Awesome!" Elliot shouts and then looks at Kate. "Oh, baby, you should've been there. It was one of the greatest days of my life" Kate smiles adoringly at Elliot.

They keep talking about baseball and Kate and I just roll our eyes. I try to follow their conversation but I'm distracted by Faux-Christian's noisy typing on his phone.

"Dude! Could you stop that?" Elliot shouts at Faux-Christian. I guess I wasn't the only one annoyed by it.

"I'm working" He mutters.

"Christian, seriously?" Elliot narrows his eyes at him.

"Fine!" He throws his phone on the table and Elliot grabs it putting it between us and resumes his conversation with Kate and Henry. I stare at the phone but then I look at Faux-Christian and he is staring intensely at me. I feel uncomfortable.

' _What?'_ I mouth to him and he just narrows his eyes and gives me a look that says, _'you know'._

"I think it's time for some shots!" Elliot shouts and looks at everyone.

"We've already been drinking at dinner, Elliot" Faux-Christian glares at Elliot.

"And we will drink more" Elliot gives a quizzical look to Faux-Christian. "You certainly need the alcohol to loosen up, bro. Henry, give me a hand with the drinks" He directs to Henry.

"Uhmm… I'm not sure shots are a good idea" Henry mumbles a bit scared.

"Poppycock!" Elliot grins and pulls Henry to follow him, soon they disappear between the people at the bar.

Kate then announces she is going to the restroom and stands up. I suddenly have the urge to pee and decide to go with her but when I'm about to stand up, Faux-Christian stops me.

"Ana!" He calls me.

"What?" I sigh because I know what he is going to say.

"I told you that you should stay away from that guy", He tells me, deadly serious.

"Was I supposed to obey you?" I scowl and he chuckles bitterly.

"What is your obsession with this man? A man who is going to get married and is clearly playing you to get into your panties" He looks directly at my eyes.

"Christian, you don't know what you are talking about. You don't know him and more importantly, you don't know me. You shouldn't care about me…"

"But I do care" He stands up and leans with his hands on the table, looking at me.

"Why?" I whisper, staring at his face. He is so close.

"Because I don't want you to get hurt. What do you think is going to happen if you get involved with him? He has been with the same woman for almost a decade. If he hasn't left her before what makes you think he will now? I might not be perfect Ana, but I promise you I will never hurt you like he is going to do if you insist on this"

He had just said everything I've been fearing and the only reason I'm not crying right now is because I don't want him to see me like that.

"You are already hurting me right now" I gulp the lump in my throat and avoid looking at his eyes.

His phone starts buzzing on the table. The caller ID reads _'Little bird'_ which sounds familiar for some reason.

 _I thought you wanted to end this, little bird._

Oh, right! That day at the hardware store. I look questioningly at him and he quickly grabs the phone and presses the end button, rejecting the call. He looks at me worried.

"It was work" He tells me but avoids looking at me. "I better call back" He walks away.

"Where are you going?" Elliot is ignored. "Where is he going?" He asks me and sits next to me. Henry comes back carrying a tray of shots and sits in front of us.

"He had a call from work", I explain and Elliot just shakes his head.

"Are you okay?" Henry asks me and I nod. "You look a bit down" He frowns.

"Not on my watch!" Elliot exclaims. "Time for a shot!" He smiles excited and his energy is contagious, I giggle.

"But first, I need to go to the lady's room" I tell them both and Elliot lets me get out of the booth.

There is a long line at the restroom and I groan in frustration but then I find Faux-Christian and Kate talking next to the back exit. I just see his back and Kate nodding at him with a worried expression. He gets his phone and says something in Kate's ear before walking outside, answering his phone. Kate suddenly spots me in the line and walks in my direction with a scowl.

"You didn't tell me Henry is engaged!" She shouts at me. I look to the other girls in the line in embarrassment.

 _That bastard told her!_

"Kate, please…", I murmur feeling mortified. She pulls me to one side.

"What the hell, Ana?!" She hisses.

"I told you he was with someone else." I hiss back.

"Yes, but I thought something casual, even dating but engaged? I never thought you would want to come between an engaged couple. They are going to get married!" She is shocked. _That's it! I shocked Katherine Kavanagh._

"It's not like Christian told you, Kate" I'm so pissed at him right now! "I'm not coming between anyone" _I think?_ "Besides, they are going through some problems…" I mumble the last part.

"Oh my God! Ana. Seriously?" Kate looks at me as if I'm a completely different person. "Is that what he has told you?" Is she worried Henry is playing with me? _I'm going to kill Faux-Christian!_

"No, Kate!" I shout angrily. "He has not done anything. He is not like that; you are just repeating what Christian told you. Please, let me handle this on my own. Henry is a good guy"

"But he is engaged, Ana. How would you feel if you were his fiancé?" She asks me and it's like she has smacked me. "Ana, sorry, I'm just worried for you. Forget the fiancé, that was wrong of me. Think of you, do you want to be the other woman?"

"I'm not the other woman. There is nothing between us. Yes! I have feelings for him but I haven't done anything and he hasn't either. You just met him, you soon will realize what a great guy he is"

"He seems decent enough" Kate mumbles.

"He is more than decent. You will see" I nod. "I care about him" _I love him._ "And even though I want nothing more than to throw myself at him most of the time, I want to have a good start. Please, trust me that I can handle this on my own" I plead with her.

"I don't like this" I close my eyes, the tears threatening to fall. "But I'm not your mom. Just be careful" I open my eyes and smile at her. "This doesn't mean, I won't be watching, Steele! Until he proves me wrong, Henry is on my shit list"

I frown at this but Kate quickly hugs me. Over her shoulder, I see Faux-Christian still talking on his phone outside and I scowl.

"I still need to pee." I whisper and Kate giggles.

"Ok, I will see you at the table, meanwhile I'm going to give Henry the third degree" She wiggles her eyebrows.

"Kate, no! Leave him alone!" I tell her but she waves me off walking back to the booth.

I want to stop her but I hope she was just messing with me. Instead, I walk outside. The bastard is going to hear me out, I've had enough of him. When I get to him, I hear his conversation over the phone.

"I don't know what you're going to do but you are going to solve this right now!" He shouts at his phone. Probably at some poor shmuck in his office. "Call again! I don't care. Blow up the fucking phone! You said you were going to handle it or are you going to screw me again…?" He stops mid-sentence when he sees me at the door glaring at him. His eyes widen but then he scowls at something he hears and hangs up.

"Ana…" He breathes out.

"You son of a bitch!" I shout at him directing all my anger to him. "How dare you?! I tried to be understanding, I told you to stay away, I tried to be your friend but you simply don't understand. I don't get this sick obsession of yours" His eyes widen. "Yes, Christian! This is not wanting me; this is trying to own me!" I glare at him. "We are done for good! Done! Stay the fuck away from me!"

I turn to leave him but he sprints to get me. He turns me around and pins me against a wall. He leans close to me so our faces and bodies are inches away. With his thumb, he wipes a tear from my cheek. I hadn't realized I've been crying. His eyes stare into mine and I only find desolation in them, he looks so lost. In another moment, I would have soothed him like he did not so long ago when I needed him but he has gone behind my back to Kate. _What was he expecting to accomplish with that?_

"Tell me you don't want me to kiss you and I will leave"

Our mouths are so close and in this moment, I had never _not_ wanted him more. I look at his eyes and close my eyes in pain.

"When did the hero become the villain?" I ask him and he frowns in confusion. "You are pinning me against a wall trying to kiss me" I explain to him and his eyes widen in horror. He quickly releases me and takes a few steps back. He rakes his hands through his hair and shakes his head.

"I'm so sorry, Ana. I think I'm losing my mind" He looks down ashamed. "I better go…" He doesn't look at me, he just leaves and I stand there for a moment trying to regain my composure.

When I return to our booth after a long time waiting for the restroom, I find Elliot, Kate and my husband laughing out loud.

"Hey!" Elliot shouts and I notice he is a bit drunk.

"Hi, guys. Having fun?" I smile at them a bit uncomfortable. I still feel bad from what happened with Faux-Christian.

"Yes, they are" Kate answers and rolls her eyes but shakes her head laughing.

"Did you know my man Henry here knows how to speak three languages?!" Elliot shouts pointing at my husband.

"Really?" I sit once Henry gives me space next to him.

"Yep! I speak French, Spanish and…" He slurs the words counting with his fingers but then stops trying to think of the third one. _Is he that drunk?_ "Ahmmm… what is the third?" He asks me as if I should know.

"I don't know, Italian?" He shakes his head and then snaps his fingers remembering.

"English!" He shouts excited. "I know how to speak English!"

"Oh my God!" I laugh and see Kate is laughing too. _This is ridiculous!_ How did they get this drunk? I look at the two trays of empty shots and I know why.

"When I returned they had finished the whole tray of shots and Elliot was bringing more" Kate explains what I already figured out. "I have to say drunk Henry is very entertaining" She snorts and I turn to look at Henry, he has this sheepish smile. I can't help but grin at him.

"Babe! Don't give a hard time to my little bro, here" Elliot slurs and my eyes widen. _What the hell did he just say?_ "We are both from Detroit; we're practically family" Elliot explains and Henry nods. Kate and I are biting our lips to not laugh because of Elliot's seriousness. "He just had a hard time with his girl… what's her name? Millie? Malia?" Elliot asks.

"Meli" Henry says.

"That's what I said" He taps his nose. "I was just giving him some older-brotherly advice because we are sooooo good together…" He leans to kiss Kate's cheek and the whole advice thing is quickly forgotten because he starts kissing Kate's neck.

"El…" She laughs. "Elliot!" She tries to push him. "We are not alone!" She looks at Henry and me a bit embarrassed.

"Let's get alone then" He wiggles his eyebrows.

"Oh baby, you are useless to me tonight" Kate giggles.

"You want me to prove you wrong?" He stands up stumbling a little and then pulls Kate.

"I better get him to his apartment, are you okay if I leave you with…?" She trails off looking at a sleeping Henry. "Yeah, I think you will be okay" We laugh.

"Henry, bro!" Elliot slaps lightly at Henry's face. "Remember what I told you!" He says and Henry nods effusively. We had left them alone almost the entire night, I wonder how much they had talked. I smile thinking that even though they didn't grow up together, they had bonded tonight.

"Wait!" Henry scowls. "What did you tell me?" Elliot himself ponders over the question for a moment but then just shrugs.

"Meh! You will know!" He pats his shoulder and they share an awkward drunk hug. Kate and Elliot say goodbye and leave.

* * *

"You know, I could've had a Masters degree as well…" Henry tells me as we are walking to my apartment.

We didn't stay for long after Elliot and Kate left but I did drink a couple of beers. I thought Henry would sober up a little but he is still really drunk. It's funny, I never got to see my husband drunk because I'm usually the one who gets wasted since I'm a light-weight. Christian is the one who always takes me home after the few parties we attended and now, I'm more than happy to be the one caring for my husband. He insisted on walking me home since he claims his apartment is close.

"You can still get into a graduate program." I tell him but he shakes his head.

"I could've gone to the Iowa Writers' Workshop" _Whoa!_ Did he get into that program? "But nooooooo, Melissa needed to stay to get her Masters and the idiot that I am, I wanted to be with her here" He shakes his head again. "And you know what did she do, years later?" He asks me and I shake my head. "She went to San Francisco the first chance she got." He sounds so bitter and I wonder how long he has been holding onto these grudges or if he has ever told them to his fiancé.

"Fuck, I'm drunk!" He rubs his face with his hands and leans against the wall of my building.

"Yes, you are" I chuckle at his realization.

"And now, she wants me to go there" He laughs. "Because she wants to spend the weekend with me but guess what, Melissa?!" He shouts at the air and I look around hoping no one sees us. "You were supposed to be here" He hangs his head and he looks defeated. I'm worried for him.

"We are at my building, Henry. Where do you live?" I ask him and he starts looking around. He seems confused.

"I don't know." He laughs. _What?!_ He can't be that drunk.

"How can you not remember where you live?!" I shout.

"I've just moved from Capitol Hill" He shrugs. "But don't worry, I will figure it out" He starts walking and I groan in frustration. I stop him by grabbing his arm.

"You can crash on our sofa. Come in!" I open the door of my building and I help him to go up the stairs. When we reach my floor, he snorts at something.

"I just remembered what Elliot told me." He laughs and I ask him what that is. "That I should dump Melissa"

 _Go Elliot!_ I should remember to buy him a drink.

"That there are more girls out there and he could be my wing-man" He chuckles. "He even tried to hook me up with a girl at the bar…"

 _Dammit, Elliot!_

"But the truth is that I'm scared to be single. I have never been with another girl besides Melissa" I stop from opening my door and turn to look at him in shock. "We dated in high school, then we went to college and now…" They have so much history together, how can I compete with that?

I open the door and guide him to the couch. He flops down and I go to the kitchen to get him a glass of water. He needs to hydrate or he is going to get a killer headache in the morning. I sit next to him and hand him the glass. He gulps it in one go and returns it to me.

"I'm pathetic, I've only kissed three girls including Meli" He laughs at himself.

"You are not pathetic." I tell him. He turns to look at me and leans his arms on the headrest for support. We stare at each other in silence for a moment and it's like he could see right through me.

"You are so beautiful, Ana. You want to be the fourth?" He leans closer to me and my heart stops.

I want to be the only one and the last one but kissing him right now would be taking advantage of his vulnerability. This wouldn't be the right start I want for us. He is angry, he is sad and he is…

"You are drunk." I tell him but it comes out as a whisper and he leans his face inches from mine. The smell of alcohol is the only thing stopping me from kissing him.

"Drunks say the truth, right?" He smiles. "I've never seen a more beautiful girl than you. That first time I saw you at SIP, I was like…" He mimics his head exploding. "And then you hug me and I was like I'm in a freaking dream. I wanted to kiss you right there but when you tried to kiss me instead, I realized it would be wrong. I'm the good guy." He points to himself. "I'm not a cheater…" His eyes land on my lips.

"No, you are not" I say all breathy.

"But I do want to kiss you" He brushes his thumb over my bottom lip and I can't hold myself back any longer. I press my lips over his and he pushes me so we are both laying on the couch.

I run my fingers through his hair and moan heavily at the familiar softness, soon our tongues have their own fight for dominance. _I've missed this, I've missed this so much._ He runs his hands over my body and that so-familiar building inside me begins and I welcome it happily. My heart is beating so hard. He bites my lip pulling it lightly, tightening every muscle down there.

He lifts his head and stares at me with drowsy eyes. We are trying to catch our breaths. I caress his beautiful face with my hand and he smiles sweetly and closes his eyes relishing the contact. That simple action warms my heart and I know that everything is not lost.

"You are so beautiful" He mumbles and nuzzles my neck. His whole weight rests over my body as he gets comfortable.

At this point, I don't get my hopes high. I know he is drunk and in the morning, he is probably not going to remember anything but I'm desperate so I let myself enjoy this moment.

"Henry…" I call him slowly playing with his hair but there is no response. I giggle when he starts snoring lightly and I know he is gone for the night.

I close my eyes and grin happily. In this moment, I imagine we are in our own bed on a lazy day and soon our children will jump onto our bed. We will be happy again.

* * *

It's Sunday morning, the day is bright but I'm guessing the sleeping beauty on my couch won't appreciate the light when he wakes up so I have the curtains closed. I'm thrown back to the Fairmont when Christian took my drunken self to his hotel room, only this time I'm the creep who has been staring at him for over an hour from the couch in front of him. He looks so peaceful, with his mouth slightly open and his long eyelashes fluttering from time to time.

He groans into the cushion. _This is going to be interesting._

"Good morning" I tell him from where I'm sitting, and sip my morning tea.

"Good morning…" He groans again and opens his eyes to see me.

Then his eyes widen in shock and he tries to stand up so quickly that he gets tangled in the blanket I covered him with and falls quite harshly onto the floor. _Ouch! That must hurt!_ He kneels and extends his arms to look around the apartment, he then checks his clothes. I laugh at his ridiculousness and he frowns at me.

"What the hell am I doing here?" He asks me. _He doesn't remember._ I knew it was a possibility but it still hurts.

"You were drunk as hell, last night." I tell him and he sits down on the couch putting his head in his hands. "So drunk that you didn't remember your own address." I giggle.

"Oh God!" He mumbles rubbing his face.

"So you crashed on my couch" He whips his head up.

"Did something happen…?" He doesn't finish the question and looks at me scared of the answer.

 _Should I tell him?_ It might not be a good idea. I'd rather enjoy my dirty little secret. I grin.

"Oh yes…" I tease him and his eyes widen. "You did an exceptional strip tease for me here on the coffee table" I bite my lip. He scowls but then he chuckles.

"Funny" He says sarcastically. "Sorry for last night. I better go" He rubs his neck.

"Stay for breakfast" I invite him but he grimaces. _Bad idea!_ "Hmmm maybe coffee" He nods.

"Can I use your laptop to check my mail?" He asks me when I enter the kitchen.

"It's Kate's but sure, she won't mind." I tell him.

When I return he is smiling at the screen. I give him a mug and he smirks at me.

"You said you weren't stalking me" He tells me and sips at his coffee with the computer in his lap.

"I'm not! What are you talking about?" I frown in confusion and he shows me the screen with his Facebook profile open. _Fuck!_ I forgot to close that.

"Ahmmm… that… Kate… she" I stammer nervously and he cocks his head. "Fine! I was curious, sue me!" I roll my eyes and blush. He laughs.

"It's fine…" He clicks something. "There! We are friends now!" He smiles and puts the laptop on the coffee table where it was initially then he stands up.

"You're leaving? I thought you were going to check your mail" I frown, desperate for him to stay longer.

"Yeah…" He sighs. "I already saw what I needed to know. I'm sorry again for the troubles and thank you for inviting me. That Elliot guy was hilarious…" He laughs.

"He is." I mumble. He doesn't say anything more and turns to walk to the door. I don't know what it is but I feel something is wrong. "Henry?" He turns. "Are you okay?"

"Yes" He looks funny at me. "Why wouldn't I be? I will be e-mailing you during the week" He opens the door to leave and I walk to him. "By the way, that's a nice picture" He smiles and waves goodbye at me. _Huh? What picture?_ I watch him go and then close the door.

What picture? Does he mean my Facebook profile photo? I smile, a bit embarrassed. _For God's sake woman, he has seen you naked._ Well, my husband has, not him. Anyway, I feel giddy that he had liked it. I run to the couch and open the laptop to check his profile once again. I still can't check his photos since he hasn't accepted the request yet. I minimize the windows and find the Seattle Nooz webpage with the picture of Faux-Christian and I kissing.

I feel sick at the prospect of Henry seeing this but then he probably did. _That's a nice picture._ I gasp and close my eyes, closing the laptop. He saw it. I was just starting to get him back and now, I think I have lost him again.

* * *

Monday has arrived again and my spirit is all over the floor. Yesterday, I tried calling Henry with the excuse of asking if he arrived home safely. _Ridiculous, I know._ But he didn't answer and just sent me to voicemail. Later that day, I sent him an e-mail asking him how the writing was going and he never replied. I feel terrible, I need him to give me a chance to explain. I don't know if he is mad at me but then, why would he be? He is the one engaged who had his tongue down my throat on Saturday. This is so messed up.

"Ana!" Hillary comes from her office.

We are officially moved into Grey House, thanks to a crazy billionaire. I haven't talked to Faux-Christian either and he hasn't made any attempt to contact me for which I'm grateful. But I can't help to wonder if he is okay.

"Do you need the reports for the chapters you gave me?" I ask her and reach for the documents.

"No" She laughs. "You already did them?" I nod. "Oh, Ana. I think I'm exploiting you." She giggles and I look down embarrassed.

I honestly needed the distraction from my dark thoughts and work has always helped.

"Actually I want you to come with me to a meeting with Roach. I think you will learn a lot from it and you could talk about the authors you are championing" She smiles and I clap my hands excitedly. I've been waiting for this. I grab my notepad and my files. "Someone is excited" She smiles and I grin.

We go to the meeting room where all the commissioning editors are reunited. I stay standing next to the door while Hillary goes to talk to Roach. I see Noah and Connor talking on one side so I start walking to them.

"Ana!" Hillary calls me before I reach Noah. I turn to look at her and she waves me to go to her.

She is talking to someone who I don't recognize since I can only see his back. But as I walk closer and closer to them, a shiver of fear runs through my whole body as I realize who he is.

"Ana, I think you've never met Jack" She smiles to me and he turns to see me. He smiles friendly at me but I know better.

"So this is the lovely Anastasia Steele you've been mentioning, huh?" He says to Hillary who smiles proudly, I think. "You can't imagine how much I've been wanting to meet you, Ana"

I cringe at his words and I want to run out of here. _Fucking Jack Hyde is here!_

* * *

 _ **A/N:** Dun dun duuuun...! Hyde is here! Please leave a review, I enjoy reading all of them. Let me know your thoughts!_


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